[PC] Touhou 8: Imperishable Night - "Cinderella Cage ~ Kagome-Kagome" by Maelstrom

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Submission Information:
Series: Touhou
Game: Touhou 8: Imperishable Night
Console: PC
Title: Cinderella Cage ~ Kagome-Kagome
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Maelstrom

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[Maelstrom]

[Static]

Some things:

• m2 LH: There should be a little more space between the notes in beats 3-4, like in the original.
• m6 LH: The glissando sounds more like it starts on beat 4.5 and leads into beat 1 of measure 7.
• m6: The keychange should only neutralize 3 of the flats instead of all 6 (since only flats are being removed and no sharps are added). It should look like m58.
• m36 & m42 LH: The Gbs should be Gns (Ebmaj chord).
• m46, 49, 54, & 82 RH: The second grace note should be its chromatic equivalent (so Fb, Bbb, etc.)
• Page 2 is more squished together than the other pages around it. There's some room for you to stretch the systems/staves out.

[Maelstrom]

Some things:

• m2 LH: There should be a little more space between the notes in beats 3-4, like in the original.

What do you mean by this?

• m6 LH: The glissando sounds more like it starts on beat 4.5 and leads into beat 1 of measure 7.

Fixed

• m6: The keychange should only neutralize 3 of the flats instead of all 6 (since only flats are being removed and no sharps are added). It should look like m58.

Woops, this was probably due to major/minor switches. Fixed.

• m36 & m42 LH: The Gbs should be Gns (Ebmaj chord).

Fixed.

• m46, 49, 54, & 82 RH: The second grace note should be its chromatic equivalent (so Fb, Bbb, etc.)

Fixed.

• Page 2 is more squished together than the other pages around it. There's some room for you to stretch the systems/staves out.

Fixed

Files updated

[Static]

m2 LH: There should be a little more space between the notes in beats 3-4, like in the original.

What do you mean by this?

The notes should be shorter there (8th note, 16th rest, 16th note on beat 3 instead of dotted 8th, 16th). Instead of making the 16th tied to an 8th note, replace the 8th on b4 with an 8th rest.

Other than this, I approve.

[Maelstrom]

fixed and files were updated.

[Libera]

Hey, it's the only Touhou game I've played!  The music in this game is great, particularly the boss theme for this stage is really fun.  Going through now....

-I don't understand the percussion stave; what purpose does it serve in the arrangement?  There are no indications for how it could be performed and I struggle to see any way in which it could be performed in bars 11-14.
-Although it is sort of clear what you mean with the direction in bar 15, it'd look way clearer as an ossia and there's certainly enough space to put one in.  You could just put it in the first bar and and the rest could be implied with a direction.
-The lower trumpet line in bar 24 sounds like it goes C D Eb F rather than C D Eb G.
-I feel like we can try to imitate the trumpet falls rather than grace into the following notes (which doesn't really sound like the original to me.)  I'm imagining something a bit like this, but you could play around with the exact intervals and timings.

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If you keep it to four notes at at time your hands can be in the perfect place to play those really fast and it approximates the original really well (in my opinion anyway.)
-The lower trumpet line sounds like it's playing Gs rather than Ens in bar 30.  If you're worried about the harmony there then you've already got the Ens in the left hand so it should be fine.
-The trumpets in bars 59-74 aren't doing exactly the same thing as they were in bars 15-30 but you have them written identically.  An example is that there is a trumpet playing an En in bar 74 as opposed to their not being one in bar 30, but there are loads of other differences.
-No cool accompaniment left hand in bars 75-82?  I think it'd be nice to try to get those funky rhythms in there.  This piece is kinda the same thing over and over again in different keys and with different textures, so I feel like bringing those out is important.

[Libera]

Bump.

[Maelstrom]

Sorry to keep you waiting.

It's all been fixed. Tell me what you think of the weird stuff I did with the last section.

[Libera]

Sorry to keep you waiting.

No worries!

Tell me what you think of the weird stuff I did with the last section.

Looks nice, the rhythms really bring that section alive.  I was a little sceptical at first of the two octave leap in bar 77 but actually it's not really that difficult to pull off.  The rhythm grouping in bar 76 needs to be fixed though.  Also if you wanted to make that section a little more performance friendly you could homogenise (tm) the rhythms a little more but I don't think it's a big issue on its own.

Also I think all of the quaver graces should be changed to semiquavers.  I think that's the done thing with more than one grace next to each other, and also it just seems weird to me to have quavers that are faster than adjacent semiquavers (if that makes sense.)

But still, this looks great.  Nice work!

[Maelstrom]

Fixed, thanks.

Also if you wanted to make that section a little more performance friendly you could homogenise (tm) the rhythms a little more but I don't think it's a big issue on its own.

What you're seeing now is already simplified from the original. It was much, much worse before.

[mastersuperfan]

The tempo marking is a little close to the first chord... I'd move it up a bit.

Courtesy accidentals would be helpful in measures 35 (Cb and maybe Db), 37 (Gb), 41 (Cb and maybe Db), 43 (Gb), 46 (Cb), 54 (Cb), 62 (Ab), 70 (Ab), and 78 (An). Also potentially m57 (Db), m59 (Gb but it comes right after a key change), m81 (Bn), and m83 (Bn) but those ones might not be necessary because they are farther apart or in different octaves. You might want to check again to see if there are any more that I missed.

Great arrangement! This works very well for piano.

[Maelstrom]

Thanks, that helps a lot.

Fixed.

[mastersuperfan]

Oops, two more: courtesy Ab in m18 and m26. I think that's all from me. I didn't check the notes individually, but everything sounds amazing and very faithful to the original, so I think it's good to go. Love this sheet!

EDIT: One thing, maybe. Have you considered incorporating the percussion rhythm into the empty space in m7–10? I know it's unpitched but maybe you could try writing the rhythm on the tonic in the left hand or something? I'm not sure how it would sound and it's totally up to you but it's just an idea.

[Maelstrom]

I originally had a percussion staff, but deleted it. I think what I have now works better than either previous option.

All fixed