[PC] Deltarune - "Chaos King" by Yug Guy

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Undertale
Game: Deltarune
Console: PC
Title: Chaos King
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Yug Guy

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[Yug_Guy]

[Libera]

-A 77% page resize on a 7.2cm staff gives approximately a 0.55cm staff size which is too small.  Bring it back up to at least 6cm (I prefer 6.5 but up to you.)  It might mean that you can't fit it on one page anymore, but I promise it's worth it for readability.
-I was initially sceptical of the Ab -> G# combination in bars 7 etc but I think you're actually right.  Just thought I'd mention it. :P
-The Ab in bar 16-17 should be a G# though, as it's leading up to the A in the next bar.  Same goes for bar 25.  Similarly the Gb in bar 21 and 29 should be F#s.  (Remember to remove the courtesy accidentals as well.)
-There shouldn't be a courtesy accidental in bar 25 (probably a copy-paste error).  And going off of your other courtesy accidentals, for consistency you probably want one for the Gs in bars 21 and 29.
-The lower voice in the second part of the piece (bar 17+) has a little more movement than you've written in.  If it's intentionally been left out then fair enough, but I think there are a couple of places where including it wouldn't be so tricky for the performer.
-The lower voice in bars 22 and 30 drops to a G rather than an Ab.
-First note in the left hand of bars 24 and 32 should be an A rather than a G.
-Since you write it as two separate voices everywhere else, I think it'd make sense to write the pick up to bar 17 as two separate voices too.

A bunch of these comments are relevant over here, namely the ones regarding the staff size, accidentals and courtesy accidentals.  Also the crescendos over the semiquaver patterns in the opening section that Sebastian mentioned.  I'll move on to the rest of the stuff now.

-Everywhere like bar 12 where you have a semibreve followed by a pattern that can't really be played while holding that semibreve I'd suggest cutting it down to a minim.  At the moment it sort of implies pedal use, but I doubt that's what you want given the bass line here.
-Speaking of the bass, I usually find staccatos on semiquavers a little much, but I can actually see the value in uniformity here.
-Bars 45-53 are a little problematic currently.  It's very fiddly for something that's meant to be performed quickly and the strech on beat 3 is really not that easy (especially at that tempo).  What I'd suggest is to try and condense that lower voice down a little bit and keep it away from the accompaniment part by moving it up in the second half of the bar.  You could also just repress it like you have everywhere else.
-In the last two bars the Dbs should be C#s.  It's like a sort of dominant chord.  (C#s resolve to Dns at the start of the loop.)
-I'd tidy the voice line in the last bar up a little.
-From bar 58 onwards I'm hearing something different in the bass.  I'm hearing it stay on a An in bar 59 rather than change to a Bn and bars 61-63 all sound the same to me, like this:

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-In bars 45 and 53 the lower notes in the top voice should be G -> A -> G rather than G -> A -> A.  It's in sixths like it is everywhere else, at least as far as I can tell.
-You could consider dropping the lower octaves on some of the notes in the bass in bars 27-42 as 1. I don't think the bass is playing some of the higher ones and 2. it's kind of hard to play as written.
-The 8vas in bars 11, 14 and 18 could be taken a little bit more the left to better cover the notes.  (I swear I make this comment literally every time someone uses an 8va; finale default is just a little awkwardly placed to me I guess.)

That should be all, but there might be some more comments (like on Card Castle) once I can see their new look.  Also wanted to say that you did a good job on both of these, and it's nice seeing a themed pair of submissions.  (Makes my life easier as well haha.)

[Yug_Guy]

Okay, I think I got all the changes listed above fixed (I did the changes kind of in a random order, so I may have missed one).

Sorry for the long wait, I've been kinda busy lately.

[Libera]

Sorry for the long wait, I've been kinda busy lately.

Absolutely no worries at all!  A few more things.

Bars 45-53 are a little problematic currently.  It's very fiddly for something that's meant to be performed quickly and the strech on beat 3 is really not that easy (especially at that tempo).  What I'd suggest is to try and condense that lower voice down a little bit and keep it away from the accompaniment part by moving it up in the second half of the bar.  You could also just repress it like you have everywhere else.

Looks like you missed this comment.  Certainly something needs to be done at the moment visually speaking as the staccatos on the lower voice in the left hand are inside the noteheads of the upper voice.  Still, I stand by reworking this section to make it less awkward.  This is one option:

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but there are probably others.

Also, currently the composer name and the game name are kind of occupying the same horizontal space and it just looks a bit off to me.  I'd recommend changing it to look something like this:

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I think that should be it, from me anyway.

[Latios212]

*nudge*

[Yug_Guy]

I'm great at this "responding" thing, aren't I?

Also, currently the composer name and the game name are kind of occupying the same horizontal space and it just looks a bit off to me.  I'd recommend changing it to look something like this:

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Fixed.

Looks like you missed this comment.  Certainly something needs to be done at the moment visually speaking as the staccatos on the lower voice in the left hand are inside the noteheads of the upper voice.  Still, I stand by reworking this section to make it less awkward.  This is one option:

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but there are probably others.

Honestly speaking, I don't really want to change this. I think it works fine the way I currently have it & when I tried making it closer to what you wanted it to be it just didn't feel right. If the updaters really really want me to change it, then I guess I'll have to, but I'm not going to on my own.

I probably should've just said this a month ago but Idsontlkajsdfi9buf3nlkdfdbleh

[Latios212]

It's up to you but I do think that you wrote is pretty unreasonable to demand of the performer. Maintaining two independent layers at that speed is borderline ridiculous even given the difficulty of the rest of the piece.

Aside from that the sheet looks pretty good, although I would recommend making the margins consistent and collapsing the last three systems into 2 so it's spaced nicer and also allows you to push one system off the first page. Also moving the 8vas to the right a bit (these could be bass clef alternatively). [Here's what I mean.]

[Yug_Guy]

Aside from that the sheet looks pretty good, although I would recommend making the margins consistent and collapsing the last three systems into 2 so it's spaced nicer and also allows you to push one system off the first page. Also moving the 8vas to the right a bit (these could be bass clef alternatively). [Here's what I mean.]

This looks good. I updated the submission with your files (I hope you don't mind).

[Latios212]

Sure, of course!

How about this, though? If you're going to leave it (presumably for the performer to omit as they please) the overlapping staccato on the C must be fixed at the very least - though I still advocate for moving that whole upper line out of the left hand.

It's up to you but I do think that you wrote is pretty unreasonable to demand of the performer. Maintaining two independent layers at that speed is borderline ridiculous even given the difficulty of the rest of the piece.

[Latios212]

poke

[Yug_Guy]

How about this, though? If you're going to leave it (presumably for the performer to omit as they please) the overlapping staccato on the C must be fixed at the very least - though I still advocate for moving that whole upper line out of the left hand.

Fixed the staccato issue.

tbh, I feel pretty strongly about keeping the line the way it is, although I have no quantitative reason for doing so. I don't want to come off as prideful or arrogant about wanting to keep it that way & I certainly don't want to start any arguments or hold up the submission process. Sorry if it seemed like that's what I sounded like.   

[Latios212]

That's alright, just making sure we come to an agreement. I don't particularly mind though I've already presented all my reasoning.

However, the staccatos for beats 3 and 4 really should go below the notes because even the ones that don't actually collide with the upper layer interfere visually with it. Make sure they're horizontally in line (looking at m. 45 beat 3.75) and we'll be good to go!

[Yug_Guy]

That's alright, just making sure we come to an agreement. I don't particularly mind though I've already presented all my reasoning.

However, the staccatos for beats 3 and 4 really should go below the notes because even the ones that don't actually collide with the upper layer interfere visually with it. Make sure they're horizontally in line (looking at m. 45 beat 3.75) and we'll be good to go!

u got it boss

[Latios212]

ye noice