[PC] Deltarune - "Vs. Lancer" by ThatHiddenCharacter

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Undertale
Game: Deltarune
Console: PC
Title: Vs. Lancer
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: ThatHiddenCharacter

[attachment deleted by admin]

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

You clowns will never get past me!

[Maelstrom]

A few notes:
-Are you going to slur your grace notes? You did in your other lancer sheet ....
-Move the rests in m7 down a bit. They're floating too high for their own good
-Pretty sure the last 3 notes in m8 LH are slurred, not staccato'd
-look at m19-20 LH again. Neither the notes nor articulations are correct.
-same for m21-22
-m23-24 sounds like you could have a 2nd layer whole note in the LH
-Same stuff applies to the repeat as did in m19-22
Don't quote me on this, but here's what I think I hear for m22

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

Files have been updated.

[mastersuperfan]

Feedback:

• Your composer/arranger info is floating kind of higher above the first system... I would move it down plus maybe the title/subtitle a little down accordingly as well.
• On a similar note, your systems are spaced almost a little uncomfortably far apart. Is there any reason to have them so far apart? I would suggest making them a little closer (not really close together or anything, but just close the gap a bit).
• I'm really not a fan of the expression marking "Play Like Riding a Flaming Bicycle." I know I've put some silly stuff on my sheets before, but still... I think my problem with it is that it's a not-at-all subtle reference that tries to play itself off as a musical direction ("this is how you should play it"), when actually "Like Riding a Flaming Bicycle" doesn't tell you anything at all about how to play it. If you want an actual direction, then I'm not sure a reference like that is going to work. If you really want to keep using a reference, then you could maybe use one of Lancer's lines in battle or something so that it's not trying to act like a musical direction.
• Turn the pickup measure into a two-beat measure with an eighth rest at the beginning (like I did when editing your other sheet). You generally don't want to use pickup measures that aren't a whole number of beats in 4/4.
• Nitpick, but maybe just to formalize it a little more and make it look better, change the "Play LH an Octave Lower Than Written," make most of the words lowercase and rephrase the wording slightly to, say, "Play left hand one octave lower than written," for a bit of clarity. And then change the font into italic Times New Roman like the other expressive techniques in Finale. At least, that's how I think it would look best.
• Toby "Radiation" Fox. With the "Radiation."
• m6 and m14, D# in RH on beat 3.5 should be an E instead.
• m3 and m11, RH Layer 1 and LH have an Fx but RH Layer 2 uses Gn. I would change RH Layer 2 Gn --> Fx and then change the F# into an Ex (although I would appreciate another opinion on this).
• I also think(?) that m4 and m12 should have A#-Gx-A#-D# instead of Bb-An-Bb-D#. Again, though, I'd appreciate another opinion.
• I didn't add them in the Vs. Lancer sheet since there were so many of them, but here, I would put consecutive two-note slurs in the RH in m20–22 and m28–30.

More thorough note-checking to come soon.

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

Lotta stuff, but the edits have been made. The files are now updated.

[mastersuperfan]

All right, notes and other stuff:

• Your tempo marking is now a bit too close to the staff... I'd move it up a little.
• I would move the mf in the pickup to be directly below the first note.
• m5 and m13, LH, beat 3.5: A should be an E (so the line goes D#-E-F#-A).
• m6 and m14, LH, second half, last four notes should look like this:

• (Once you add in the notes above, you may want to give a courtesy natural to the LH B in m7 and m15.)
• m7 and m15, LH, beat 4.0: F# should be a G#.
• m8 and m16, LH, first three notes should be A-C#-A.
• m8, LH, last three notes should be A#-B#-D# (you already have the D# but the other two notes need to be changed).
• You might want to extend the slur in m8 LH over to the first note in m9.
• m17 and m25, LH, last note should be a C# instead of an E.
• m18 and m26, LH, last note should be a B# instead of a D#.
• m19/m27 LH should look like this:

• m20/m28 LH should look like this:

• m23 LH:

• m24 LH:

• m7 and m15, RH, second half: the dyads should be F#-B, not G#-B.
• m8 and m16, RH, first half: the first two notes shouldn't have a D#, only C# and Fx.

I also think(?) that m4 and m12 should have A#-Gx-A#-D# instead of Bb-An-Bb-D#.

• Checked this again, and I'm convinced that this change ^^ is correct and should be done. Don't forget to change the last Bb to an A# in m3 and m11 too.
• m4, m5, m12, m13: change all the Cx's in the RH to D naturals.
• A courtesy sharp might be nice on the first F# in the RH of m5 and m13 since so many Fx's precede it.
• m21 and m29, courtesy natural on the first A in both hands.
• Here's what I'm getting for m17-19/m25-27, RH:

• Besides the harmonies (which are different), the first note is also held the full three beats (dotted half), and I turned the glissando into four written grace notes because the original track specifically hits those four notes. (I'm not 100% sure if the first grace note in the third measure should be written as Cx and not as Dn, but I think Cx is okay here since it's an upwards contour.)
• I would also take out the C# in the three-note chord at the end of m19/m27. It's sort of maybe there if you try hard to hear it, but maybe in a higher octave, or something. I can't really tell, but the sudden addition of a third note in the sheet sounds a bit jarring and sudden to me. I'd leave it out for the two-voice consistency of the melody.
• I would also do the same with the three-note chords in m23 and m24 (remove the bottom note).
• m22 and m30, RH:

• m24, RH layer 2 should be C#-Gx-A#-F#.
• In m23 and m24 RH, Layer 2 sounds like it should be staccato to me. (Don't put staccatos on the first and fourth Layer 2 notes in m24, since those ones are still being held by the chord.)
• In the original, the tremolos in m8, m16, and m31 are only between B# and G#, not with a D# in there. Even though the D# is part of the same chord, I would remove it for playability's sake.
• The RH in the second half is a whole octave lower in the original than how you wrote it. Unless you strongly prefer it to be an octave higher, I would transpose it all down to match the original (and also so it's continuous with the first half). Since the LH is being played an octave lower than written, the two hands shouldn't clash anywhere. (Be sure to get the last three notes in m16, and make sure the last three notes in the final measure right before the repeat stay in the same octave.) All the screenshots I linked above are in the higher octave you had them in, so implement those first before you transpose.
• Is there any reason why the first and second halves of the sheet aren't both written with two-ending repeat systems? The first two phrases are identical up until the end, and so are the second two phrases, so I think you could fit this on one page if you implemented repeats, changed the ending to a D.S., and decreased the space between the staves.

Whew, that was a lot. I think that'll be it once these changes are made.

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

Hopefully that really is it. That took a lot out of me. Files have been updated.

[ThatHiddenCharacter]

Updated the files again based on some edits MSF suggested through Discord.

[Libera]

Looks like you too have done a lot of work on this and it looks great, particularly thanks msf for being so meticulous!

Some things I would say though are:

-Consider dropping the left hand semibreves in bars 16-17.  I'm not sure they add a whole lot and personally I think they clutter that section visually and from a playing perspective.
-This piece just about fits onto one page but it is getting a little scrunched in the last system which is causing a collision on the double sharp on the final note so that will need adjusting.  I'd just realign some of the notes in the final bar slightly to make it fit.

Other than that the notes look great, awesome stuff.

[Latios212]

Other small comment in addition to the above: I think it would be better if you flipped the eighth note layer in measure 3 back downwards because it doesn't conflict with the whole note and leads more naturally into the normal flipped-ness of the next measure.

For the Fx at the end, try re-entering the note to see if that spaces it out a bit more or yeah adjust it manually as Libera said if that doesn't help.

But yeah aside from those things looks great!

[Latios212]

Implemented the above comments as THC's out. Ready to go

[Libera]

All good at my end.  Accepted.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot