[SWITCH] Octopath Traveler - "Clearbrook, by the Pristine Waters" by Th3Gavst3r

Started by Zeta, March 20, 2019, 06:08:44 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Octopath Traveler
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: Clearbrook, by the Pristine Waters
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Th3Gavst3r

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cashwarrior1



Latios212

mmm nice, I feel like I've seen this sheet before...

- I think the low Bb in m. 10 makes the LH sound too muddy. We could probably do without it (or substitute another higher harmony note in the LH).
- We could definitely use some more dynamics here: how about something like mp at 10, mf at 18, mf, at 26, and dim at 33 to p in the last measure?
- Don't forget to fix the measure numbering (after the above comments are implemented) since the invisible first measure throws it off! (Fortunately we're not programming here so an off by one error doesn't make anything crash...)
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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turtle

Th3Gavst3r

There are now dynamics everywhere. Also did the other two things and tweaked a couple notes in the LH 2nd page

Latios212

My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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[close]
turtle

Libera

More OT yay.  Maybe I'll get round to doing some of these myself at some point (tm).  Checking now...

-The Eb grace in bar 12 should be a D# like it is in bar 4.
-The G in the RH of bar 25 (beat 1) should have graces leading up to it, similar to bar 17.
-I think the lead in to the A in bar 21 is actually G -> G# -> A rather than just G# -> A.  That also matches how it is in bar 17.
-The single grace note in bar 14 should probably be written as a quaver grace to match all of the other single graces you have in the sheet.
-Sounds to me like the Bb in the left hand is re-articulated on the last quaver of the bar (like it is in bar 17).
-I'm hearing another D in the left hand of bar 31 between the final two notes (so that bar would just be (all quavers) Bb A D A D A D A).
-There are quite a few places where courtesy accidentals wouldn't be amiss, but in particular I think in bar 15 having the G# grace note immediately followed by an unmarked Gn is a little confusing (it's not so bad elsewhere since it's broken by a line break.)  Also I think the whole second page is quite confusing in places since we're moving about so often in terms of keys.
-Might I suggest some different voicings in places?  Generally they're fine but there are a few points where I think they could changed slightly to make it bit more consistent/comfortable. 
Bar 26 and 28: adding in a D in the RH.  This means that you're not dropping from 3 notes to 2 in the right hand.
Bar 32: moving the C# up an octave for ease.  Also it means that you get the D -> C# stepwise motion which at the moment is being separated by an octave.
Bar 16: similarly moving the C# up an octave, although here I can sort of see the value in both ways and there's no particular resolution to worry about (it would just make it a little less awkward to play).

But yeah in general nice work!  Most of the above comments are pretty minor really.

Th3Gavst3r

Added all of your suggestions except a couple things

Quote from: Libera on March 27, 2019, 03:44:51 PM-Sounds to me like the Bb in the left hand is re-articulated on the last quaver of the bar (like it is in bar 17).
I think you meant m.27 here. I added another Bb on beat 4.5 of m.27

Quote from: Libera on March 27, 2019, 03:44:51 PM-I'm hearing another D in the left hand of bar 31 between the final two notes (so that bar would just be (all quavers) Bb A D A D A D A).
I'm hearing another D in the violins which is covered in the RH, but I can't pick out anything in the bass. In fact, the D I thought I heard on beat 3 is actually a G that overlaps the violins, so I'm not hearing any D's in the bass aside from the first one...

Quote from: Libera on March 27, 2019, 03:44:51 PMBar 26 and 28: adding in a D in the RH.  This means that you're not dropping from 3 notes to 2 in the right hand.
I added F#'s instead to parallel bar 30

Quote from: Libera on March 27, 2019, 03:44:51 PMBar 16: similarly moving the C# up an octave, although here I can sort of see the value in both ways and there's no particular resolution to worry about (it would just make it a little less awkward to play).
I left this one alone because it started to blur the C# into the line of the melody. Should be easy to pedal everything together here I think


In addition to your changes, I also added a LH E on beat 3 of m.29

Thanks for the quality review :D

Libera

Quote from: Th3Gavst3r on April 06, 2019, 02:30:38 PMI think you meant m.27 here. I added another Bb on beat 4.5 of m.27

Yes sorry I should have said, but I did indeed mean bar 27.

Quote from: Th3Gavst3r on April 06, 2019, 02:30:38 PMI'm hearing another D in the violins which is covered in the RH, but I can't pick out anything in the bass. In fact, the D I thought I heard on beat 3 is actually a G that overlaps the violins, so I'm not hearing any D's in the bass aside from the first one...

Hmm yeah maybe that's what I was hearing before.

The other changes look good, but it looks like the left hand ties in bars 9-15 have all got flipped.  They should above the notes rather than below them so that they're not interfering with the lower layer / ledger lines.  Once that's dealt with I think we're good to go.


Libera


Th3Gavst3r


Libera


Zeta