[PC] Deltarune - "Checker Dance" by Yug Guy

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Undertale
Game: Deltarune
Console: PC
Title: Checker Dance
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Yug Guy

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[Yug_Guy]

[Libera]

Sorry for the wait, but nevertheless here I am to give feedback...

-7.2cm staff size with an 80% page resize gives roughly 5.7cm staff size which is too small for piano music.  Don't worry we can still fit it onto two pages by turning the last 16 bars into 8 bars with a repeat (with a 2nd time D.C.) which saves you two whole systems.  This means you can actually fit the whole arrangement onto two pages with the (in my opinion) ideal staff size of 6.5cm but feel free to mess around with what you think looks good (>6cm).
-With regards to the last 16 bars of the arrangement, I feel like that we can do more than just have the bass and accompaniment chords.  Particularly in the fourth, eighth, twelfth and sixteenth bars in that section they could do with more energy by taking some of the movement in the original into the right hand rather than just block chords.
-I'm hearing something different for the right hand line that appears in bars 20, 24, 28 and 32.  The first halves of those bars I'm getting:

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-I assume the idea in bars 25-31 is for the left hand to take the bottom layer in the right hand, but it might be worth making it more explicit if you feel like it.  Also I think that some of those leaps for the left hand are extremely difficult, particularly the one at the end of every two bars where the left hand has to jump two octaves in the time of a semiquaver (and change hand position).  I think it'd be best to just leave out the last chord in each two bar phrase to avoid that.
-Also in that 25-31 section the layer one rests in the right hand need bringing up a bit so that they're not interfering with the second layer notes.
-I'd personally adjust the 8va in bar 24 to cover the entire bar, that way the contour of the line is preserved rather than being broken up by jump from the first half to the second.
-I'm not 100% sure on the staccatos in the right hand in bars 9-16; they sound more broad than that, especially compared to the bass line.  (Apart from the last two notes in bars 12 and 16: those do sound like they need staccatos.)

[Yug_Guy]

-7.2cm staff size with an 80% page resize gives roughly 5.7cm staff size which is too small for piano music.  Don't worry we can still fit it onto two pages by turning the last 16 bars into 8 bars with a repeat (with a 2nd time D.C.) which saves you two whole systems.  This means you can actually fit the whole arrangement onto two pages with the (in my opinion) ideal staff size of 6.5cm but feel free to mess around with what you think looks good (>6cm).

When I was adjusting the margins, everything started being wonky. Hopefully, I made everything good, but feel free to adjust if it is not to your liking.

-With regards to the last 16 bars of the arrangement, I feel like that we can do more than just have the bass and accompaniment chords.  Particularly in the fourth, eighth, twelfth and sixteenth bars in that section they could do with more energy by taking some of the movement in the original into the right hand rather than just block chords.

tbh, I really don't know what I could possibly do about this. Considering all the background plays is block chords, and whatever type of clave the piece has is thrown out by those measure, I'm at a loss for what to do here.

-I'm not 100% sure on the staccatos in the right hand in bars 9-16; they sound more broad than that, especially compared to the bass line.  (Apart from the last two notes in bars 12 and 16: those do sound like they need staccatos.)

They sound staccato to me. idk what else they could really be.

All of your other feedback has been added to the arrangement.

[Libera]

Sorry for the late response, but I'm here now at least!

tbh, I really don't know what I could possibly do about this. Considering all the background plays is block chords, and whatever type of clave the piece has is thrown out by those measure, I'm at a loss for what to do here.

Something like this was what I was thinking:

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When I was adjusting the margins, everything started being wonky. Hopefully, I made everything good, but feel free to adjust if it is not to your liking.

It looks a lot better now!  Perhaps some layout guru will have some things to say but I'm happy.

They sound staccato to me. idk what else they could really be.

That's fair enough; I think I can see where you're coming from so no worries about that.

With regards to the RH second layer rests in bars 25-31, they're better now but I still think they could come up more.  I don't think there's any need to keep them completely off of the staff lines since the first layer is so high they won't interfere really.  If I had to do it myself I think I'd go with this:

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[Yug_Guy]

Something like this was what I was thinking:

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Okay. I put that in for measure 36, and a slight variation of that in measure 40. lmk what you think.

With regards to the RH second layer rests in bars 25-31, they're better now but I still think they could come up more.  I don't think there's any need to keep them completely off of the staff lines since the first layer is so high they won't interfere really.  If I had to do it myself I think I'd go with this:

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Alright, I pretty much did what you have here.

[Libera]

Nice response time haha.

Okay. I put that in for measure 36, and a slight variation of that in measure 40. lmk what you think.

Did you see the semiquavers in the upbeat in my picture?  They're part of the same part.  Also those two bits sound the same to me, so is there something I'm missing or another reason for writing bars 36 and 40 differently?

Alright, I pretty much did what you have here.

Yeah, looks good!

[Yug_Guy]

Did you see the semiquavers in the upbeat in my picture?  They're part of the same part.  Also those two bits sound the same to me, so is there something I'm missing or another reason for writing bars 36 and 40 differently?

Just for a bit of variation, I suppose. I can change it to be the same if you really want me to.

[Latios212]

Regarding the most recent part in question (I think it's m. 36/40 beats 3-4 RH you're talking about?) I'm actually hearing something different (though the same for both measures) - a G#-F#-E in a 3-3-2 rhythm instead of either group of four eighths.

When I was adjusting the margins, everything started being wonky. Hopefully, I made everything good, but feel free to adjust if it is not to your liking.

Margins as they are now are a bit wonky. You have ample room to work with to make the top and bottom margins consistently 0.5 inches and keep the text within the boundaries.

For the measures with two layers, the rests can easily fit at their normal mid-staff height and I would suggest you put them back instead of awkwardly a couple of notches down.

I've seen this when looking at Libera's stuff before, but the double barline is missing at key/section change between bars 32-33 when I open up the musx file. However it's there in the PDF so I assume it's just some weird conversion problem?

this is a funky song

[Yug_Guy]

Regarding the most recent part in question (I think it's m. 36/40 beats 3-4 RH you're talking about?) I'm actually hearing something different (though the same for both measures) - a G#-F#-E in a 3-3-2 rhythm instead of either group of four eighths.

After listening to it again, I'm hearing this as well. Sorry, Libera.

For the measures with two layers, the rests can easily fit at their normal mid-staff height and I would suggest you put them back instead of awkwardly a couple of notches down.

Whoops, I meant to say the spaces between staves instead of the margins. Still, I went ahead and changed the top & bottom margins to 0.5 anyway.

I've seen this when looking at Libera's stuff before, but the double barline is missing at key/section change between bars 32-33 when I open up the musx file. However it's there in the PDF so I assume it's just some weird conversion problem?

Well, if you can see the barline now, then you're absolutely right.

this is a funky song

I'd classify this more as a calypso, but potato/potatoe

[Static]

Regarding the most recent part in question (I think it's m. 36/40 beats 3-4 RH you're talking about?) I'm actually hearing something different (though the same for both measures) - a G#-F#-E in a 3-3-2 rhythm instead of either group of four eighths.

After listening to it again, I'm hearing this as well. Sorry, Libera.

Both voices actually exist (there's 2 string voices here). The top 8th note line is more prominent, but it's up to you which voice you want to have (or you could have both, it would just be a little harder to play and read with that 2nd layer already there).

[Latios212]

After listening to it again, I'm hearing this as well. Sorry, Libera.

After a bit more effort I do hear the original thing you wrote in for 36 as well. But yeah I say stick to what it is now because that's what stands out more prominently as it's on top (to me anyways). (Ninja'd by Static)

Please fix the alignment of the lower layer there, though!

Whoops, I meant to say the spaces between staves instead of the margins. Still, I went ahead and changed the top & bottom margins to 0.5 anyway.

Ah, but the text is still outside the margins - need to set the vertical height of the text boxes to zero to keep them within the margins, and you have enough space between systems to collapse them a bit to make room. I'll write up a guide on this sometime....

Did you see the semiquavers in the upbeat in my picture?  They're part of the same part.
Yeah, looks good!

Also I missed this before but I would also recommend you include the 16th pickups to those phrases, but in place of the chord instead of on top of them (basically eliminating the chord in beat 4.5 in favor of the two lone 16ths)

[Yug_Guy]

After a bit more effort I do hear the original thing you wrote in for 36 as well. But yeah I say stick to what it is now because that's what stands out more prominently as it's on top (to me anyways). (Ninja'd by Static)

Please fix the alignment of the lower layer there, though!

Ah, but the text is still outside the margins - need to set the vertical height of the text boxes to zero to keep them within the margins, and you have enough space between systems to collapse them a bit to make room.

Also I missed this before but I would also recommend you include the 16th pickups to those phrases, but in place of the chord instead of on top of them (basically eliminating the chord in beat 4.5 in favor of the two lone 16ths)

Done, done, done & done.

I'll write up a guide on this sometime....

You would be my hero if you did this.

[Latios212]

Nice. Last thing! The footer text is still outside the page margins. Right click the text, select Edit Frame Attributes, set the V value to zero, and move the systems closer together accordingly.

You would be my hero if you did this.

I shall do it then! Tomorrow, probably.

[Yug_Guy]

Nice. Last thing! The footer text is still outside the page margins. Right click the text, select Edit Frame Attributes, set the V value to zero, and move the systems closer together accordingly.

Done