Really sorry about the wait on this one, I just kept telling myself "I'll do this tomorrow" or "I'll do this next weekend" and I never got round to it. But anyway, here I am now with the whole thing fully note-checked (or at least as good a job as I can do note checking this.)
-Bar 16 beat 3 it sounds like a G rather than an F at the bottom of that chord.
-You could spread the Ab maj7 chord in bar 17 a bit more evenly like in the original by moving the Eb and Gn to the left hand, although that would mean you'd have to bring the low Ab up an octave or it'd sound really murky. Your choice. (This applies for bar 33 as well.)
-Third chord in rh of 18, Bb C Eb rather than Ab Bb Eb?
-Not sure about the rhythm in the bass in 19-26. I'm hearing the first beat as just a single note rather than a semiquaver followed by a quaver.
-I'm hearing something a little different for the bass in bars 27-30. Here's a picture:
-Bass in 35-37, 38-40: I'm pretty sure it's just the same thing every bar although the distortion on the bass kind of makes it hard to hear. Here's another picture:
-Whichever you choose (D# or Eb) for the tritones in 35-41 just make sure you're consistent. (I wrote it as a D# in my above picture but I don't think it really matters which you use.)
-Bar 23 RH the D# and En at the end of the bar should be Eb and Fb and the Bn should be a Cb. (It should look the same as bar 19 but a minor second up.) In fact in general bars 23-26 you can get the correct accidentals just by looking at the 19-22 and taking it up a minor second.
-That being said, I'm not hearing a lot of the dyads in bars 19-26. Sometimes I can hear them, like the first three in bar 20 but in other places I'm not so sure. Are some of them being taken from the piano just to fill out the harmony?
-Although in the original bars 23-26 do just seem to be a minor second up I'm not actually hearing the Dn at the start of bar 24 (but I do hear the equivalent C# in bar 20).
-I don't hear the E -> F# -> E (F -> G - > F) motion in bar 22 (26).
-I'm not hearing the Ab on beat 1 of bar 27, it sounds just like bar 29 to me.
-Fourth chord in the right hand of bar 32, B D# E F# rather than F# B D# F#. It's definitely got that semitone crunch to it.
-C#m7 at the end of bar 32 rather than C#m? Obviously still with the C# on top though.
-I'm hearing a low F# G# C# roll as the second triplet in bar 33 rather than a restriking of the C# E B chord.
-The second chord in bar 34 sounds like it's missing a C#.
-I'm not hearing the An in the third chord of bar 34, maybe it's just a G7 chord stacked usually (i.e. maybe add an extra Gn at the bottom of the right hand chord in place of the An)
-I'm hearing a D above the G on beat 4 in the right hand of bar 34.
-You could add the 9th above the C on beat four in bar 39 (right hand) if you wanted to but it's a bit awkward to play (then again so is the whole piece haha.)
Ok hopefully that's the notes out of the way, time for other things:
-With the poco a poco cresc. in bar 19-26 is the intention that you slowly crescendo from mf to f for a whole 16 bars? If so I'm not sure that's really going to end up being very effective since the listener will barely notice it. With that in mind it might be worth bring it down to a much lower dynamic in bar 19 to give the crescendo really a place to go to over the 16 bars. Also it does strike me as potentially confusing having a crescendo go over a repeat sign and it might be worth clarifying that somehow on the sheet. (Unless of course the intention is to go back to mf after the repeat and crescendo again, in which case the way it's written is probably fine.)
-I'd give some extra space to the start of bar 3 so that the roll marking isn't squashed in next to the barline. Bars 14 and 30 could also potentially do with some extra space.
-All of the 8vas (and the 8vb in bar 10) could start a little bit more to the left to better cover the notes.