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Author Topic: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila  (Read 729 times)

Zeila

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Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
« Reply #15 on: August 08, 2019, 04:10:49 AM »

Really sorry about the wait on this one, I just kept telling myself "I'll do this tomorrow" or "I'll do this next weekend" and I never got round to it.  But anyway, here I am now with the whole thing fully note-checked (or at least as good a job as I can do note checking this.)
That's ok, thank you for checking it in the first place!

-You could spread the Ab maj7 chord in bar 17 a bit more evenly like in the original by moving the Eb and Gn to the left hand, although that would mean you'd have to bring the low Ab up an octave or it'd sound really murky.  Your choice.  (This applies for bar 33 as well.)
-You could add the 9th above the C on beat four in bar 39 (right hand) if you wanted to but it's a bit awkward to play (then again so is the whole piece haha.)
Thanks for the suggestions, but I'll just leave it as is

-Not sure about the rhythm in the bass in 19-26.  I'm hearing the first beat as just a single note rather than a semiquaver followed by a quaver.
I still hear more motion than just a single note on beat one. Some parts sound clearer than others, but the pattern seems to generally be like this:
Spoiler
[close]
Although I replaced the last two sixteenth notes with an eighth for most of the measures. This version includes an extra note on beat 3.5 that I didn't include before

-Bass in 35-37, 38-40: I'm pretty sure it's just the same thing every bar although the distortion on the bass kind of makes it hard to hear.  Here's another picture:
Spoiler
[close]
When I last updated this I think I ended up making this part worse, oops. Fixed

-Whichever you choose (D# or Eb) for the tritones in 35-41 just make sure you're consistent.  (I wrote it as a D# in my above picture but I don't think it really matters which you use.)
I ended up changing accidentals in previous measures with similar melodies too (e.g. measure 3 and 5), although I am willing to change it back if it was unnecessary or if it looks weird

-That being said, I'm not hearing a lot of the dyads in bars 19-26.  Sometimes I can hear them, like the first three in bar 20 but in other places I'm not so sure.  Are some of them being taken from the piano just to fill out the harmony?
-I don't hear the E -> F# -> E (F -> G - > F) motion in bar 22 (26).
They exist in the repeated part of the original piece (~0:44), although I've omitted some or otherwise modified a few (e.g. some of the harmonies are playing one note instead of moving in fourths). I wrote it as a combination of both to save space and to make it a little easier

-Although in the original bars 23-26 do just seem to be a minor second up I'm not actually hearing the Dn at the start of bar 24 (but I do hear the equivalent C# in bar 20).
This is another one that only exists in the repeat and I opted to put it in for symmetry

-I'm hearing a low F# G# C# roll as the second triplet in bar 33 rather than a restriking of the C# E B chord.
That sounded like another voice/layer to me, but I changed it (and also added a low F on the last triplet)

-I'm not hearing the An in the third chord of bar 34, maybe it's just a G7 chord stacked usually (i.e. maybe add an extra Gn at the bottom of the right hand chord in place of the An)
I still hear the An, and if you still don't hear it or another person doesn't hear it either then I'll change it

-With the poco a poco cresc. in bar 19-26 is the intention that you slowly crescendo from mf to f for a whole 16 bars?  If so I'm not sure that's really going to end up being very effective since the listener will barely notice it.  With that in mind it might be worth bring it down to a much lower dynamic in bar 19 to give the crescendo really a place to go to over the 16 bars.  Also it does strike me as potentially confusing having a crescendo go over a repeat sign and it might be worth clarifying that somehow on the sheet.  (Unless of course the intention is to go back to mf after the repeat and crescendo again, in which case the way it's written is probably fine.)
The intention was to crescendo over the repeat, so I lowered the dynamic to mp and added '(across the repeat)' to the crescendo marking

-All of the 8vas (and the 8vb in bar 10) could start a little bit more to the left to better cover the notes.
They already were modified lol, but I guess it wasn't enough. I moved them some more, although I'm not sure how far I should go for 8va's over notes with a few accidental markings

There were a lot of small details that I missed so thank you for looking in depth!
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Libera

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Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
« Reply #16 on: August 11, 2019, 10:33:23 PM »

I still hear more motion than just a single note on beat one. Some parts sound clearer than others, but the pattern seems to generally be like this:
Spoiler
[close]
Although I replaced the last two sixteenth notes with an eighth for most of the measures. This version includes an extra note on beat 3.5 that I didn't include before

Hmm I really still can't hear the second note on beat 1 in the bass here, but maybe it's just me.  I'll ask for a second opinion from one of the other updaters when someone next checks this, unless someone jumps in before then to have a look.

I ended up changing accidentals in previous measures with similar melodies too (e.g. measure 3 and 5), although I am willing to change it back if it was unnecessary or if it looks weird

Not sure whether this one was changed or not, but the D# in bar 9 should probably be kept as an Eb because D -> Eb -> D seems more sensible to me than D -> D# -> Dn.  Other than that the changes look fine to me.

I still hear the An, and if you still don't hear it or another person doesn't hear it either then I'll change it

Ah yes, my mistake; I can hear it clearly now.



All of the other changes/responses look good to me!

There were a lot of small details that I missed so thank you for looking in depth!

No worries at all!

Zeila

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Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
« Reply #17 on: August 14, 2019, 03:59:05 AM »

Hmm I really still can't hear the second note on beat 1 in the bass here, but maybe it's just me.  I'll ask for a second opinion from one of the other updaters when someone next checks this, unless someone jumps in before then to have a look.
Alrighty

Not sure whether this one was changed or not, but the D# in bar 9 should probably be kept as an Eb because D -> Eb -> D seems more sensible to me than D -> D# -> Dn.  Other than that the changes look fine to me.
It was, and done
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Libera

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Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2019, 12:56:18 AM »

Awesome.  Alright, I think my work here is over.  Approved!



Note to the next updater:

Double check this:

-Not sure about the rhythm in the bass in 19-26.  I'm hearing the first beat as just a single note rather than a semiquaver followed by a quaver.
I still hear more motion than just a single note on beat one. Some parts sound clearer than others, but the pattern seems to generally be like this:
Spoiler
[close]
Although I replaced the last two sixteenth notes with an eighth for most of the measures. This version includes an extra note on beat 3.5 that I didn't include before
Hmm I really still can't hear the second note on beat 1 in the bass here, but maybe it's just me.  I'll ask for a second opinion from one of the other updaters when someone next checks this, unless someone jumps in before then to have a look.

And when you're done, let me know so I can fix the articulations before you accept.

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Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
« Reply #19 on: August 31, 2019, 01:18:23 AM »

Note to the next updater:

Double check this: [notes and stuff]
I hear this as Libera has it. The bass only plays that one note on beat 1 (and 1.75); the extra notes come from the lower piano register on the repeat.

The first and last measures of this piece are B7#9 chords. Almost always, these are either spelled with a real #9, or with a minor 3rd for ease of reading. Although Ebs more easily distinguishable here, I think it would be more correct to use D#s (with added courtesy naturals for the D naturals).

Despite what was said above, I think the D# in m41 should be an Eb since it's acting as a chromatic neighbor tone between the D naturals. The D# in the LH should stay a D# since it's approaching the E natural. Unless a part is explicitly harmonized as some kind of diminished or diminished 7th chord, I usually try to look at where notes are approaching when deciding whether to use the #4 or b5.

Fix these things and this sheet is good to go, I think. Nice work!

Zeila

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Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
« Reply #20 on: August 31, 2019, 01:55:52 AM »

The first and last measures of this piece are B7#9 chords. Almost always, these are either spelled with a real #9, or with a minor 3rd for ease of reading. Although Ebs more easily distinguishable here, I think it would be more correct to use D#s (with added courtesy naturals for the D naturals).
I wasn't sure if you meant to put a courtesy natural on the D natural in measure 11, so I didn't actually put it. I can add one in though if you think it is necessary. Everything else was updated though, thanks!
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Static

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Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
« Reply #21 on: August 31, 2019, 02:42:09 AM »

I would change the Eb on the tremolo in m1-2 as well. Also,  courtesy accidentals aren't really necessary in this case, but sometimes it's good to have them if both notes are playing simultaneously in one hand.

Since it's such a tiny change, I went ahead and made it for you. With that, this sheet will now be accepted

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Re: [Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Halberd" by Zeila
« Reply #22 on: August 31, 2019, 02:43:08 AM »

This submission has been accepted by Static.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot
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