[SWITCH] Octopath Traveler - "Battle III" by Static

Started by Zeta, May 13, 2019, 06:44:51 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Octopath Traveler
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: Battle III
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Static

[attachment deleted by admin]

Static


The only normal battle theme that isn't on-site yet...

Libera

Quote from: Static on May 13, 2019, 06:45:16 PMThe only normal battle theme that isn't on-site yet...

Gotta fix that then, eh?

My feedback:

-Last bass note in bar 4 sounds like it should be a C rather than an A.  (Might want to drop the E for that note as well.)
-In bar 11 the bass actually jumps up an octave for the last beat so at the moment the way you've written is kind of the wrong way round.  Not sure if/how you want to resolve that, but I thought I'd mention it.
-Not hearing the extra A semiquaver in bars 17 and 18 and I think it'd be simpler anyway with it left out (and make it easier to accent the right notes).
-The Gs actually start on beat 3 rather than 3.5 in bar 20 in the left hand, but maybe you've omitted that one for emphasis.  Worth pointing out anyway in case it was just a mistake.
-Maybe try having the bar 22 left hand similar to the bar 16 left hand?
-I'm not really sure what's going on with the left hand in bars 48-53.  It feels quite specific but I can't tell what part is being followed as the bass has a lot weirder motion in that section.  Maybe take another look at it, or just let me know what your thinking is regarding that section.
-An Ab rather than a Bb on the second note in bar 15.  I get that makes a tritone, but it sounds like what the part you're following there does.
-For the general pattern that starts in bar 1 and then gets repeated a lot, it sounds like the the G at the start and end should be As.  This actually matches how you wrote the similar passage in bars 38-39 and 46-47.
-The contour of bar 46 sounds the same as 38 to me.  In other words the top G should be an E and the G placed beneath.
-Any reason the tempo marking is size 18 font rather than the standard 14?

Static

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-Last bass note in bar 4 sounds like it should be a C rather than an A.  (Might want to drop the E for that note as well.)
It is, but I think it's easier if i just leave everything on the same notes there. The rest of the arrangement doesn't often use exact transcriptions of the actual bass part anyway, and I wasn't intending to unless I felt like it would be needed or would sound better. In this case, I don't think it's necessary since the chord doesn't change in this measure.

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-In bar 11 the bass actually jumps up an octave for the last beat so at the moment the way you've written is kind of the wrong way round.  Not sure if/how you want to resolve that, but I thought I'd mention it.
I just wrote it like that cuz I thought it sounded neater than moving it up (or even staying at the same octave). I'll leave it for now, but if you think it might sound better at a higher octave I'd be fine changing it.

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-Not hearing the extra A semiquaver in bars 17 and 18 and I think it'd be simpler anyway with it left out (and make it easier to accent the right notes).
I stole that note from the drum part because I thought some extra rhythm in that section would sound cool. I think I want to keep it, but I'm going to remove the upper D and E after it to make it easier to play, and so you don't to move your hand around as much.

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-The Gs actually start on beat 3 rather than 3.5 in bar 20 in the left hand, but maybe you've omitted that one for emphasis.  Worth pointing out anyway in case it was just a mistake.
-An Ab rather than a Bb on the second note in bar 15.  I get that makes a tritone, but it sounds like what the part you're following there does.
Fixed.

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-For the general pattern that starts in bar 1 and then gets repeated a lot, it sounds like the the G at the start and end should be As.  This actually matches how you wrote the similar passage in bars 38-39 and 46-47.
The lowest voice here actually does start and end on a G, it's easiest to hear at the very beginning (it sounds like a horn rather than a violin).

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-The contour of bar 46 sounds the same as 38 to me.  In other words the top G should be an E and the G placed beneath.
I definitely hear m46 going up to a G there rather than an E. But while checking I noticed m39 and 47 should have the same contour, so I changed m39 to match.

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-I'm not really sure what's going on with the left hand in bars 48-53.  It feels quite specific but I can't tell what part is being followed as the bass has a lot weirder motion in that section.  Maybe take another look at it, or just let me know what your thinking is regarding that section.
I mostly tried to make it a buildup (like m25-30), but with little bits of the original bassline in m49-50. While not very consistent with everything else, I think it makes this section sound more interesting than it would otherwise, and helps to differentiate it from m25-30. The C should not be there on beat 4.5 of m49 though, so I removed it.

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-Any reason the tempo marking is size 18 font rather than the standard 14?
No, fixed.

Thanks for the feedback!

Latios212

- I'd strongly suggest flipping the melody upwards and showing the lower layer rest in m. 9.
- I think the second chord in m. 23 should have F instead of G
- In measure 49 I feel like the first phrase ends on a G on beat 3 and the next phrase starts on the G on beat 4. Thoughts?
- I'm not really sure the D in the second chord of m. 52 fits in really well. Possibly try replacing it with a G?

Quote from: Libera on May 29, 2019, 02:09:26 PM-An Ab rather than a Bb on the second note in bar 15.  I get that makes a tritone, but it sounds like what the part you're following there does.
No, I disagree. I went through the piece before looking at your comments and I did notice the part plays Bb there (it also makes more sense with the arrangement)

Rest of the stuff, I don't particularly have anything to say about. Nice work!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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turtle

Static

I fixed m9, 24, and 52 (also I removed the clashing B in 49 too; I thought these clashes sounded cool, but they're also inaccurate compared to the original, so they're better off removed).

For the melody in m49, yes, it does end on a G, but I wanted to emphasize the pickup to m50 with the piano octaves (starting on beat 3 of 49 on a D). I could extend the slur from m49 b2 to the 2nd layer, but I think this would look cluttered.

For m15, I definitely hear an Ab, not a Bb.

Latios212

Nice. In m. 19 the 16th notes still need to be flipped. In m. 49 I really don't like that the phrase gets cut off, but... if you want to keep it I guess that's fine

As for m. 15 I checked again and I am still quite certain that voice goes C-Bb-C. Is one of us getting confused by another part?
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Libera

Quote from: Static on May 29, 2019, 03:40:53 PMThe lowest voice here actually does start and end on a G, it's easiest to hear at the very beginning (it sounds like a horn rather than a violin).

Yep I can hear it now, my bad.

Quote from: Static on May 29, 2019, 03:40:53 PMI definitely hear m46 going up to a G there rather than an E. But while checking I noticed m39 and 47 should have the same contour, so I changed m39 to match.

Ah yes it's faint but you're right again. :P

Quote from: Static on May 29, 2019, 03:40:53 PMI mostly tried to make it a buildup (like m25-30), but with little bits of the original bassline in m49-50. While not very consistent with everything else, I think it makes this section sound more interesting than it would otherwise, and helps to differentiate it from m25-30. The C should not be there on beat 4.5 of m49 though, so I removed it.

That seems fair to me, I just wanted to check I wasn't missing something really.  All of the other stuff things look good (particularly I don't think I'm too bothered about the octave height of the E in bar 11).

Regarding bar 15, on listening again I think there might be a C -> Bb, C -> Ab and an Ab -> F (along with the obvious Eb -> Dn).  I don't think it terribly matters what voicing you go for in the end, as long as it's something reasonable (obviously).

I think that's all from me, so I'll just throw down my approval and I'll leave Latios to finish off what he wants to.

Static

Quote from: Latios212 on June 08, 2019, 07:36:07 PMIn m. 19 the 16th notes still need to be flipped.
Done (I think you meant m9).

Quote from: Latios212 on June 08, 2019, 07:36:07 PMAs for m. 15 I checked again and I am still quite certain that voice goes C-Bb-C. Is one of us getting confused by another part?
I definitely hear the Ab still, it sounds like its played by a French horn.

Quote from: Libera on June 09, 2019, 04:55:04 AMRegarding bar 15, on listening again I think there might be a C -> Bb, C -> Ab and an Ab -> F (along with the obvious Eb -> Dn).  I don't think it terribly matters what voicing you go for in the end, as long as it's something reasonable (obviously).
I don't hear this line, but maybe I'm just not listening for the right instruments? Either way, I think I would rather just keep the main melody (in octaves) and the horn part, since I don't need m15-16 to be that thick in terms of notes. I would rather save that for later when the energy/tension builds up more.

Maelstrom


mastersuperfan

Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Static

Quote from: Maelstrom on June 14, 2019, 05:20:52 PMhere's what i hear for m15

Quote from: mastersuperfan on June 14, 2019, 05:58:23 PMThe horn sounds like it's playing Bb to me.

Yeah, it is a Bb, I was hearing an Ab that's being held for the entire measure. The part should be fixed now.

Latios212

Gotcha! Yes that's where the A flat was coming from.

All good now~
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot