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[PC] Undertale - "Spear of Justice (Beta)" by Zeila

Started by Zeta, August 31, 2019, 08:06:51 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Undertale
Game: Undertale
Console: PC
Title: Spear of Justice (Beta)
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Zeila

[attachment deleted by admin]

Zeila

Some of the harmonies were omitted to make it a little easier. Here's the original post

Libera

Hey this is really great!  All the notes look good, just a few minor things really I found.

-My biggest comment is probably the left hand in bars 9-12 and 17-20.  Obviously you can't include the bass fully, but I think you could include some of the bass notes to beef up some of the left hand dyads.  Mostly I'm thinking Adding Bbs/Cbs at the start of the bars and Fs for the dyads in bar 20.  I think that'd give a more punchy sound.
-The rests in 11-12 and 17-19 could be brought up a bit.  Especially in 17-19 they're a bit far away from the notes they apply to and so it's a little tricky to read the rhythm potentially.
-Dynamics!  This sheet could definitely do with some more variety than simply mf.  Especially for when the zunpets come in for 29-36/37, it could have a much louder dynamic.
-Potentially add a slur and staccato combo for the last bar?  Just an idea.
-If this rhythm came up all over I think it'd be fine as it is, but since it's only two bars I'd show beat 2 in bars 6 and 14.

Nice stuff!

Zeila

Quote from: Libera on September 07, 2019, 12:20:52 PM-If this rhythm came up all over I think it'd be fine as it is, but since it's only two bars I'd show beat 2 in bars 6 and 14.
Thanks for the feedback and whatnot! I also updated measure 20 to be more consistent, added a courtesy accidental to the C in measure 43, and flipped the dotted eighth notes in measures 24 and 28

Libera

The edits look great!  I'll fix the articulations once another updater gives approval, but I'll leave mine here for now.

mastersuperfan

I think you mixed up the rhythms in RH m7 and m8 (i.e. the eighth rest should be in m8, not m7).

I would add a courtesy flat to the Gb in LH m3, m7, etc.

In m24 and m28, I would make the lower note of the RH dotted eighth dyad part of Layer 2. It looks a bit strange to me to have Layer 2 suddenly disappear after that sixteenth note.

I think there are some additional eighth notes in the LH that might be worthy of staccatos (m21-22, m25-26, m42-43), but if you kept those ones held to give them a heavier feel, then that's also good.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Zeila

Quote from: mastersuperfan on September 07, 2019, 07:40:48 PMIn m24 and m28, I would make the lower note of the RH dotted eighth dyad part of Layer 2. It looks a bit strange to me to have Layer 2 suddenly disappear after that sixteenth note.
I just split the notes, but done.

Quote from: mastersuperfan on September 07, 2019, 07:40:48 PMI think there are some additional eighth notes in the LH that might be worthy of staccatos (m21-22, m25-26, m42-43), but if you kept those ones held to give them a heavier feel, then that's also good.
I'm not sure about m21-22 and m25-26 because it sounds like there's a slight distinction between those eighth notes and the ones on beat 2. I could be wrong, but regardless I think this works better. I kept the ones in m42-43 held. Anyways, thanks for the feedback! I updated the other two points as well

Latios212

Nice, very clean sheet!

Quote from: mastersuperfan on September 07, 2019, 07:40:48 PMIn m24 and m28, I would make the lower note of the RH dotted eighth dyad part of Layer 2. It looks a bit strange to me to have Layer 2 suddenly disappear after that sixteenth note.
Quote from: Zeila on September 08, 2019, 03:10:52 AMI just split the notes, but done.
Do we even need a second layer here? Other places like m. 21-23 just have the lower notes included as part of layer 1 and it seems arbitrary to me why we're using two layers just for this one measure.

Small comment - I think it'd be neater to condense the rests in m. 37 into a dotted eighth rest given the rhythm.

Other stuff looks good, pending articulation fixes!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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turtle

Zeila

Thanks! I got rid of the second layer and updated the rests

Latios212

Sweet, looks great! Libera I'll leave it to you to get the articulations and accept.
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Libera


Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot