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Author Topic: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc  (Read 407 times)

Zeta

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[WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« on: September 19, 2019, 03:10:18 AM »

Submission Information:

Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Mario 3D World
Console: Wii U
Title: Sprixie Kingdom
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: amc
« Last Edit: November 13, 2019, 02:39:39 AM by amc »
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amc

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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2019, 03:13:03 AM »

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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #2 on: September 27, 2019, 01:29:04 AM »

Couple of quick thoughts as I peek at this one:
- Beginning could use a low B flat instead of a rest
- I think in some places leaving the actual timing a bit looser and instructing the player to make use of rubato would be more appropriate than writing out explicit note lengths. E.g. m. 30/32/40 could be written using a fermata.
- Watch your direction placements in m. 19 to make sure they don't overlap
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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2019, 02:22:10 AM »

  • m6 RH: Missing high F on beat 4.5.
  • m14-15: Consider revoicing the LH instead of making it just the RH but lowered an octave. I would personally recommend including the original bassline here and moving the RH down an octave.
  • m18: Fermatas should be flipped.
  • m27-28: Some intervals are inconsistent. Since this part is just a bunch of planed diminished chords, you should keep the same intervals between the notes by using different accidentals.
  • m29: Pedal marking is touching the note.
  • m31-32: Should be swing eighths. Rhythm in m32 is incorrect, should be 8th-quarter-8th in both hands. The upbeat chords in the LH and the last chord in m32 is missing a few notes.
  • Beaming is inconsistent overall (compare m2 to m5, m53 RH and LH, etc.). It's up to you how you want to organize the notes, but make sure it stays the same throughout the piece.
  • m37, 45, 51 RH: Since the 2nd layer is hidden and the first layer is flipped to normal on beats 1-2, the staccato markings should also be flipped.
  • All key changes need double barlines before them.
  • You have "Animated" at the very beginning, so why don't you have other style markings later on? This is a piece that could really use them since there's a lot of sudden style changes.

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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2019, 04:50:22 PM »

Hi, I've updated.
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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2019, 03:50:19 AM »

Looks much nicer now! I have a few more things though:

  • I think I might have messed you up with the fermatas, sorry; to be clear they should either all be above a staff, or below for the LH only (so its opposite on each hand). So the RH fermatas in m14 and 39 should be flipped up, but its up to you whether you want those measures to look like m31. It should be consistent across the entire sheet though.
  • m17-19: All those dynamic markings, including the crescendo, should be moved down so they aren't so close to the notes.
  • m22, 25 LH: The "3" in the triplet is clashing with the slur.
  • m27-28: Some intervals are inconsistent. Since this part is just a bunch of planed diminished chords, you should keep the same intervals between the notes by using different accidentals.
    RH m28 needs a few additional adjustments (from left to right): En to Fb, Dn to Ebb, C# to Db, Bn to Cb. This keeps the constant minor 3rd intervals consistent.
  • Those staccatos in m34, 36, 41, and 43 should be flipped since there's nothing in the 2nd layer on beats 1-2 there.
  • All key changes need double barlines before them.
  • m49: The slur on the grace note should be moved a bit so it doesn't run into the accent (or move the accent up and leave the slur alone).

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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2019, 08:22:29 PM »

I've updated, sorry for taking so long.
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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2019, 03:29:41 AM »

I've updated, sorry for taking so long.
It's all good, there's no rush!

It looks like you didn't catch everything I said in my post above:
  • RH fermatas should be up, LH fermatas can be either, but keep it consistent across the sheet.
  • The RH staccatos in measures 36 and 43 (beats 1-2) should be below the notes since the 2nd layer is empty and hidden there. Because of how Finale works with articulations and layers, you will have to manually drag these staccatos instead of flipping them automatically.
  • All key changes need double barlines where they occur.

The other stuff that you did fix looks good.

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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2019, 12:03:03 AM »

All key changes need double barlines where they occur.
I think this is just the new version of Finale being weird... the PDF has them

Besides the other stuff Static said, a last few things to add:
- I think the chords in m. 6 should be inverted up (Ab on top instead of bottom).
- Move the slur up slightly in m. 22 so it doesn't collide with the 3.
- The descending triads in m. 27-28 are very muddy and also a bit difficult to play at that speed. I'd suggest removing the middle note of each, since that pitch is octave doubled by the right hand anyway so you wouldn't be losing anything harmonically.
- m. 38, 47, 53 have beat 1 in the LH flipped.
- Unlike m. 36, the bass moves down a whole step in m. 43 beat 4 from D to C
- I'd recommend moving the top layer rests up in m. 48 to separate them from the lower layer more. Similarly, you can put the lower layer rests back on the staff at normal height since the to player is entirely above the staff.
- Bass in m. 49 sounds like it descends F-Fb-Eb-Db instead of F-F-Bb-Bb
- Flip tie in m. 50 down away from the top layer
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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2019, 02:44:13 AM »

Hi, I've updated. The key changes should have double bars now.
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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2019, 12:42:11 AM »

Looks good to me!
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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2019, 02:35:18 AM »

Looks great now! I think the reason I had to repeat myself so much was because of the different Finale version I'm using (like Latios said), sorry about that. Anyway, I have a few more comments:
  • m30 beat 2 RH, m36, 43, 44, 45 beat 4 RH: The F#s should be Gbs since it's a chromatic descent (it's OK if there's a Gb and Gn at the same time in these cases).
  • m31: The rhythm should be 8th-quarter-8th. The last bass note should be a G instead of B, so you should probably add the B to the RH to keep the harmony clear.

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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #12 on: November 13, 2019, 02:40:20 AM »

Hi, I've updated.
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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #13 on: November 14, 2019, 03:50:39 AM »

Yep, everything checks out. I'll be accepting this one now.

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Re: [WiiU] Super Mario 3D World - "Sprixie Kingdom" by amc
« Reply #14 on: November 14, 2019, 03:51:59 AM »

This submission has been accepted by Static.

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