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[SWITCH] Yoshi's Crafted World - "Main Theme" by FiveNineSquared

Started by Zeta, September 19, 2019, 11:58:40 PM

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Maelstrom

for m4 LH, I hear this:


-m6 LH b3.5  I hear a Bb below the Db.
-Your inclusion of the 2nd voice here (the somewhat out of tune piano) is sporadic. It appears in m8, but not m7 when it plays on b2.5 and 4.5.
-Since you moved everything down an octave, why did you leave out the last 3 notes of m6 out of where it repeats in m14? The Bb is here too.
-The chords in m7/8 are here too. I suggest you add them in everywhere, or take them out of m8.
-Maybe move the expressive text closer to the tempo mark? Definitely alight them better.

I think that's it. Looks pretty great.

FiveNineSquared

- I think that's what's being played, but it sounds real nasty in that octave (and worse down one more). So maybe I'll add that but remove the D.

- I'd argue that the Bb there isn't very important because of the Bbs on beat 2.5 and the right hand. It's also because having the extra Bb would make it hard to hear the countermelody clearly, especially with the pedal. The (accented) Bb on 2.5 is already sustained and hitting the same note again causes a very 'murky' texture. I'd rather change the accents to be on 2.5 and 3.5 if we need to preserve the rhythm.

- I went ahead and added the detuned piano part (to m7/8/15/16), but omitted the F on m7/15 beat 2.5 because it sounded a little awkward. Anyway, there's an accented F on the right hand on that beat (albeit the two together are not gonna be recognised as an explicit chord/interval).

- When the A section repeats, the piano plays a slightly different bassline. The low F on m14 was a new addition, and so I decided writing that over the detuned piano would add to the variation in the second A section (i'd also rather not change it because that countermelody in the lower octave sounds very slurred with the pedal.

- I'll shift that expression text to be in-between the staves instead (the alternative would be to just write "Playful swing" instead of only "Swing" in the tempo marking, but I can't change it on my end).

Changes I've made are here:
mid: https://www.dropbox.com/s/qhaldux45tehx9u/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.mid?dl=1
pdf: https://www.dropbox.com/s/u1g33rngss1vjba/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.pdf?dl=1
mus: https://www.dropbox.com/s/xzz4ss0p1b64y9z/Yoshi%27s%20Crafted%20World%20-%20Main%20Theme.mus?dl=1

Maelstrom

m4 is supposed to sound nasty. That dissonance was intended by the composer and I think it should be included.

Aside from that, I'd say it's good.

Except for the expression text. That doesn't belong between the staves. It was fine the way you had it before, it just needed to be aligned better. For example, the beginning of the text in each line of the test didn't start at the same place and it looked sloppy. Here's an edited version.

FiveNineSquared

I was trying to say that the detuned piano in the original had quite a mellow timbre and so the small intervals within that chord didn't sound as nasty as on a regular piano. On hindsight, it might just be midi playback that makes the thing sound so bad...

Thank you for changing the expression text -- notepad doesn't really have a snap function so I can't align things exactly.

Updated the submission files!

Maelstrom


Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot