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[DELETED] [NDS] Pokémon HeartGold Version & Pokémon SoulSilver Version - "Eusine" by Elu

Started by Zeta, November 03, 2019, 07:16:56 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon HeartGold Version & Pokémon SoulSilver Version
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Eusine
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Elu

Zeila

Welcome to NSM! To start, whenever you submit something you should also post a youtube video for a quick reference

About the sheet itself, I didn't go over it in depth but I noticed a few things:
  • You're missing the N in Nintendo for the copyright
  • You're also missing some dynamics. You should at least have an initial dynamic marking
  • According to vgmdb the title should just be "Eusine" instead of "Eusine's Theme." The original composer is Morikazu Aoki, while Shota Kageyama arranged it for HGSS
  • You should add a repeat marking on measures 5 and 16 since that section just loops indefinitely. Copying it over to new measures makes it less clear, and it also takes up more ink (and more pages) when you print it out
  • There are a few spots where the note beaming is questionable (e.g. measure 4 and any place where you have a dotted eighth-dotted eighth-eighth figure like m13). You typically shouldn't beam notes over strong beats (beat 3 in 4/4) or extending past any beat if there are sixteenth or 32nd notes involved. That way, measure 4 becomes this:
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    And measure 13 becomes this:
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  • Tying a sixteenth note and eighth note together is unnecessary and you should just make them dotted eighth notes
  • Listening to the original, this could really use more articulations. Namely, staccatos on the melody part like the eighth notes in m5, m6, etc.
  • measures 13 and 15 are missing the harmony below the RH part, and I think it would be better to include those
  • Some of those LH chords sound muddy, and in m4's case they're impossible to play without Rachmaninoff hands. Maybe you could invert those chords, or you could just delegate chords to the RH and have the LH play the bass part (which is what I personally recommend if possible)
  • The sixteenth note runs aren't quite accurate since the progression of the notes is different. You should look over those measures again

Elu

Hey Zeila, thanks so much for the feedback; I really appreciate it! After you message I decided to go back and try to give the piece some more depth. I added the harmonies you mentioned and made sure to fix the syntactical errors like the dotted eight notes. Anyways, here is the updated version. Let me know your thoughts!
-Elu

Latios212

Hi Elu, welcome again to NinSheetMusic! :P

Arrangement-wise, this is pretty solid. The melody and chords are pretty much there.

However, when listening to the original, there are some significant discrepancies I'm picking up on. HG/SS music can be somewhat dense and layered which can make harmonies and accompaniment patterns difficult to write in, so I can definitely see where your arrangement is coming from. But I'd suggest taking a closer listen to what's going on in the original under the melody voice - you have a lot of thirds written but the original tends to have more fifths/sixths in places which has a pretty different sound. I can point out some things specifically if you like. For the left hand, you've generally got the right chords but they use the lower range of the piano making them sound a bit muddy, and some of the jumps are also quite demanding.

Let me know if you need help with anything or if you want me to expand on anything I said a bit more to clarify!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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turtle

Elu

Hey Latios! Thanks for the message, I was wondering if you could explain a bit more on where you see the discrepancies? Let me know when you get the chance!

Latios212

Sure thing. I'm going to look at the beginning of the melody in the loop to start. The top is what you wrote, the bottom is what I got when transcribing:

You cannot view this attachment.

While you have the melody just about correct (as well as the chords), much of what you wrote under it doesn't actually correlate with the original. I'm not saying you have to transcribe the original exactly, of course, but the harmony you added under the melody makes it sound quite different - there aren't any thirds at all under the melody. I'd suggest taking a closer listen to the original, and seeing if you can align a little more closely with what you hear.
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Libera


Latios212

I'm going to archive this one for inactivity for now. Feel free to reach out for help / resubmit with changes if you get around to it!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle