[DELETED] [WiiU] New Super Mario Bros. U - "Soda Jungle" by Splatoon Inkling

Started by Zeta, February 12, 2020, 01:05:15 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Super Mario
Game: New Super Mario Bros. U
Console: Wii U
Title: Soda Jungle
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Splatoon Inkling


Zeila

This is a nice attempt, but it needs a lot of clean up

Formatting:
  • The subtitle should be 12pt font and italicized (not bolded), you're missing the composers (Shiho Fujii, Mahito Yokota according to GilvaSunner), and the copyright info is missing too
  • The measure distribution is unbalanced and would be better off as either 3 per system or 4 per system (I'd go with 3 but 4 gives a nice hypermeter)
  • You should move the first system down a bit as it's somewhat close to the composer/arranger info
  • I personally think it would look better if you had the tempo marking and swing text side by side
  • There are parts where you have a bunch of notes tied together when it would be much simpler if you combined them all together into one note (e.g. changing the LH of m5 into a whole note)
  • You should put slurs to connect the grace notes to whatever note they're attached to
  • Note lengths and staccatos are inconsistent. Personally I'd go with what you currently have for m3 where they're written as eighth notes
  • This could use more staccato in a lot of places, and there are some notes that sound like they shouldn't have any in comparison (like beat 2.5 of m3)
  • The C should be beamed with the rest of the RH in measure 4. You can reattach it by selecting the C and pressing '/'
  • The key signature should be F major

Notes:
  • m1 RH should be the same as m3 in terms of the rhythm, and you're missing an A on beat 4.5
  • m2 RH Eb should be staccato'd and not tied
  • m6 RH you're missing some harmonies (namely, D, C, Bb, and A)
  • m7 RH sounds like there's a faint G on beat 2.5, and the second F should come on beat 3.5 instead of beat 4
  • m8 RH F should come on beat 1
  • m9 RH you're missing some harmonies again, and I think it would add more color if you put a tremolo between the two notes (A and F); also, the bend takes longer so I think it would be better if the grace note leading to the A/F is an eighth note on beat 1
  • m10 RH should be the same as m9, except instead of the E and F below the G# and A, it's a B natural and C above the G# and A
  • m11/2 RH the whistle part should be raised an octave, it actually starts on beat 3, and there should be 6 sixteenth notes in m12 before it stops on an Eb on beat 2.5. A few of the notes in it are also wrong as it sounds like it alternates by thirds and goes down by a half step after every 4 notes
    visual representation of what i mean
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I just focused on the melody part, and the LH still needs adjustments. You should give it another look and see if you can find any mistakes that you overlooked

Splatoon Inkling

Thanks for the feedback! Sorry for taking so long to get back to this, I will get working on it.  :)

Maelstrom


Latios212

Going to archive this for inactivity and extent of the changes needed. Please feel free to resubmit when you're ready, and don't hesitate to reach out for help via Discord or in your personal arrangement thread!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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