Hey, sorry for the wait on this one. This is quite the tricky piece!
-You might want to mess around with the notes in pick up. The tonality (??) of the gliss doesn't feel like it's really being captured by just a Dm chord. I can try and come up with a suggestion if needed.
That's okay, thanks for looking it over in depth!! I updated the pick-up
-You only wrote the Bb hanging around at the end of bar 1 but I hear a C F G Bb chord hanging around. (I hope that makes sense haha).
To me it sounds like all of those notes stop at different times where the F is the first to go and the Bb lasts the longest. I decided to just have the entire RH chord (with the addition of a C) be a quarter note while the LH stayed the same
-Similarly unsure about the same G in bar 8/12/15. Sounds like it could also be an F or it just doesn't move.
Not too sure about that, but since it's similar to m7/11 I'll change it to F
-The same Gs in bar 9/13 sound like Fs to me.
It's also hard to tell with this one but I'm leaning towards G. Maybe someone else could offer their own opinion
-I think the Db/Ab in bar 16 would be better written as C#/G# since they're over a D and an A.
That makes more sense, done
-Do you want to stop the sost at the start of 17? The lower pedal sounds like it continues through to the start of 18 in the original.
You're right, I changed it to the start of m18 although I could move it to the end of m17 instead
-I'm not sure about the left hand run in bar 18. It's really hard to play and doesn't really capture the glissando all that well in my opinion. Maybe you could try something a bit more like in the pick-up, or just omit the glissando and have the left hand join in with the tremolo chord? Either of those would likely work better.
That's fair. I tried doing something more like the pick-up but it didn't work out, so I went with another tremolo
-Definitely break the beam between beats 1 and 2 in the right hand of bar 22. It's really not clear that those are two separate lines at the
moment. Also, having those stabs be accented whereas the far louder trumpet line is only given staccatos seems weird to me.
Done, and I decided to add marcatos to the trumpet line except for m26
-If you're taking the timpani at the ends of 20 and 22 etc, it sounds like G -> D to me rather than A -> E (which would make more sense with the harmony). If you're not taking the timpani there, I'd suggest taking the timpani because it sounds kind of odd at the moment.
It does sound odd to me but I still hear the timpani as A -> E, and changing it to G - > D seems even weirder to me but maybe that's because I'm used to hearing it the other way through Finale playback. I'm more sure about the E though, so I'll change the A's to G's
-Is there any reason why the ending of bar 22's left hand is different to the endings of 20, 24 and 26?
I did that to continue with the lower RH notes for the first four measures, but I'll just leave it out
-In bar 26's right hand, the flute piccolo thing sounds like it play B C D E semiquavers on beat 2 and then trills B <-> C for the bar. I think another flute maybe joins in part way through the bar afterwards, but I don't hear what you've written in at all.
I'm not confident about the notes but there's definitely some run going on there. I changed beat 2 as well some other notes in the run and beat 1 of m27
-Bars 33 to 34 has a sus 4 resoltution thing going on so I'd suggest adding in As to the left hand chords in 33 and G#s to the ones in 34.
Done. Also, after listening to that section again I don't hear the lower D's in m33 and parts of m34 so I changed the bass notes to E instead
-Why has the second layer disappeard in 39 and 41? I thought it was quite fun and helps to keep the middle of those bars more interesting. It certainly feels weird to drop it out after including it beforehand.
There wasn't a good reason for it so I added it in. I also made the lower D in the RH of m40 a G and changed the second layer throughout that section to make it more accurate, but if it's too difficult then I could omit beat 1 for the second layer, change it back, or do something else
-The second half of bar 50 has a Bb over C sound to it (rather than just Bb), so you might want to change the left hand arpeggio to match that.
I changed it, but if it sounds weird or out of place then I can try something else out
-The bass in 51 to the end should descend A -> G -> F -> Eb. (The chords are A -> A7/G -> F -> F7/Eb -> A.) I'm not entirely sure what parts you're following at this point to make the left hand since you seem to mix and match a lot, but it's really important to get the bass notes right or the harmony sounds completely different. Maybe try reworking this left hand section.
Yeah you're right about the harmony sounding different. I mostly just used the horn part and tried to continue the part from m51/52 in m53/54. Things were changed
-You could try also tremolo-ing with the right hand chord at the very end since I think the ending will sound quite weak with just the left hand roll.
Sure thing. I also added an accented chord at the end to reflect the last timpani hit and so the tremolos aren't left hanging
-Is there are reason for using Italian at 19 and English at the start? I know sometimes it's because the Italian words are standardised (no one is going to write 'slow down' rather than 'rit') but feels a bit odd here. Unless there's a reason I don't get?
No there isn't, I changed the one at m19
Hope some of that helps!
Thanks once again for the corrections and suggestions! Everything else was updated too