[MUL] Persona 5 - "Layer Cake" by Code_Name_Geek

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Megami Tensei/Persona
Game: Persona 5
Console: Multiplatform
Title: Layer Cake
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Code_Name_Geek

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Code_Name_Geek]

The organ solo from m. 25-40 was a pain to write out, and is probably also a pain to play so I included an optional ad lib in case the performer would rather improvise their own solo (I know I would). There's also quite possibly some transcription mistakes in that solo...

[Libera]

Sorry for the wait on this!  Pretty cool piece and I think you've done a decent job of writing everything out, I've just got mostly accuracy comments to make on the details.

-In bar 12/16/20 etc. I hear the final bass note rearticulated on beat 4.5. 
-I don't hear the four semiquavers in the bass in bars 15/23 etc. It just sounds like a dotted quaver followed by semiquaver to me.
-For those little four semiquaver guitar interjections in 11/12/15/16 etc. those notes aren't quite right.  It sounds more like C#/E#/G# to me (like the 9th #11th and #13th above B I guess).
-The second and fifth notes (not including the grace note) of the organ in bar 28 sound like they come in a semiquaver earlier to me.
-The second note of the organ in bar 32 also sounds like it comes in a semiquaver earlier.
-I feel like the grace note at the end of bar 32 is the wrong way around, as in: the C# should be a normal note on beat 4 (and the E starts on beat 4.25) and the Dn semiquaver before it should be a grace note onto the C#.
-The little falls in bars 33-34 sound like all but the second one go all the way down to an A (still should start on D though I think).  Admittedly this is a little hard to hear.
-There's a run up to the B at the end of bar 34 that goes E->F#->A->B, rather than just a single A->B.
-The little runs in 35-36 sound very different to me.  The first one sounds like it goes up F#->A, the second does a little twiddle thing B->C#->B->A->F# and the third F#->A->F#.  Or something along those lines anyway.
-I don't really hear the G# grace in bar 38, but I do hear a B grace before the C# in that bar.
-The graces in bar 39 sound like they go up to an E and then F# before landing on the actual E note.
-Would it make more sense for the gliss to end on a B rather than an F#?
-The chords for the melody in bars 40 onwards are not really accurate.  I'd recommend having another listen to them closely to try and work out the harmonies.  I think (tm) that the harmonies should be the same even after the guitar drops out, and it's much easier to work out what they are when it's just the organ playing them, so I'd recommend listening to that bit.  The chords are often more exciting that triads.  I should also say here that the pick up F# -> C# before every phrase doesn't sound like it has harmony with it to me.
-I don't hear the chord on beat 3.5 in bars 62 and 70, the organ sounds like it holds the previous chord until the end of the bar.
-I'd recommend dropping the lower octave in the graces in bars 47 and 55.  It's vastly easier to play that way and doesn't make much difference.

Hope that helps.

[Code_Name_Geek]

-In bar 12/16/20 etc. I hear the final bass note rearticulated on beat 4.5.

I don't hear this at all, it sounds to me like the note holds through to the next bar. I took it up an octave to hear the bass better and heard the same thing, so I haven't changed this.

-I don't hear the four semiquavers in the bass in bars 15/23 etc. It just sounds like a dotted quaver followed by semiquaver to me.

Here, on the other hand, I think you're right. It's easier to play  this way too so fixed.

-For those little four semiquaver guitar interjections in 11/12/15/16 etc. those notes aren't quite right.  It sounds more like C#/E#/G# to me (like the 9th #11th and #13th above B I guess).

Done, though with different inversions to avoid overlapping the melody.

-The second and fifth notes (not including the grace note) of the organ in bar 28 sound like they come in a semiquaver earlier to me.
-The second note of the organ in bar 32 also sounds like it comes in a semiquaver earlier.
-I feel like the grace note at the end of bar 32 is the wrong way around, as in: the C# should be a normal note on beat 4 (and the E starts on beat 4.25) and the Dn semiquaver before it should be a grace note onto the C#.
-The little falls in bars 33-34 sound like all but the second one go all the way down to an A (still should start on D though I think).  Admittedly this is a little hard to hear.
-There's a run up to the B at the end of bar 34 that goes E->F#->A->B, rather than just a single A->B.
-The little runs in 35-36 sound very different to me.  The first one sounds like it goes up F#->A, the second does a little twiddle thing B->C#->B->A->F# and the third F#->A->F#.  Or something along those lines anyway.
-I don't really hear the G# grace in bar 38, but I do hear a B grace before the C# in that bar.
-The graces in bar 39 sound like they go up to an E and then F# before landing on the actual E note.
-Would it make more sense for the gliss to end on a B rather than an F#?

Should be all fixed. I wasn't sure on the rhythms for some of those runs so I took my best guess. I think the rhythms are pretty approximate in the original anyways.

-The chords for the melody in bars 40 onwards are not really accurate.  I'd recommend having another listen to them closely to try and work out the harmonies.  I think (tm) that the harmonies should be the same even after the guitar drops out, and it's much easier to work out what they are when it's just the organ playing them, so I'd recommend listening to that bit.  The chords are often more exciting that triads.  I should also say here that the pick up F# -> C# before every phrase doesn't sound like it has harmony with it to me.
-I don't hear the chord on beat 3.5 in bars 62 and 70, the organ sounds like it holds the previous chord until the end of the bar.
-I'd recommend dropping the lower octave in the graces in bars 47 and 55.  It's vastly easier to play that way and doesn't make much difference.

- Here, I had a lot of trouble hearing the chords even just with the organ (though you're right about the pickups not having harmonies). I went through again and did my best to fix them, but there may still be issues.
- The other two suggestions have been fixed.

Hope that helps.

It does, thank you! Especially in the organ solo, that was a piece of work.

[Libera]

-The graces in bar 39 sound like they go up to an E and then F# before landing on the actual E note.

^ This still.

Also:

-To clarify I don't hear any grace note at the start of bar 38.
-Make sure all of the grace notes have consistent slurs.  Some of them don't have any and some of them seem to be small ties rather than slurs.
-I should have been clearer but I was suggesting the gliss in bar 40 end on the B below the F# that was previously there, rather than the B above.  Unless you think it works better as one octave rather than two.
-I wasn't super sure about it when I first saw this but I'm more convinced now that the Bbs in bars 1-8 should be A#s instead.  It feels to me like these sequences are built around messing around with a Bmmaj7 chord.
-The organ solo actually sounds like it drops down an octave going into bar 32 and comes back up at the end of bar 34.  It might get a little murky on piano like that so if you want to keep it up the octave then I don't really mind.

- Here, I had a lot of trouble hearing the chords even just with the organ (though you're right about the pickups not having harmonies). I went through again and did my best to fix them, but there may still be issues.

That's alright, they are pretty hard to hear.  I took a shot at them and this is what I got:

Spoiler

You cannot view this attachment.

[close]

As I said before, I think it's pretty much the same thing going on earlier but with the guitar melody on top.

I don't hear this at all, it sounds to me like the note holds through to the next bar. I took it up an octave to hear the bass better and heard the same thing, so I haven't changed this.

Hmm I still hear this pretty clearly.  I'll ask one of the other updaters to verify this one.

Everything else looks good!

[Latios212]

-In bar 12/16/20 etc. I hear the final bass note rearticulated on beat 4.5. 

I don't hear this at all, it sounds to me like the note holds through to the next bar. I took it up an octave to hear the bass better and heard the same thing, so I haven't changed this.

Hmm I still hear this pretty clearly.  I'll ask one of the other updaters to verify this one.
Everything else looks good!

We're talking about the dotted eighth A, right? It sounds to me exactly as Code_Name_Geek has it written right now, namely no re-strike on beat 4.5.

A few other things while I have this open:
- The intro RH would probably be easier to read in bass clef
- Thoughts about adding some low bass hits on the quarter notes in m. 5-8 when the beat drops?
- I think the performance note for ad lib in m. 25 is a bit awkwardly placed between the music and the chord symbol... thoughts? Maybe switching their vertical positions or moving the performance note further to the right?
- Flip inner ties between m. 58-59 and 66-67, they also need some adjusting in 62 and 70

A few specific comments about the grace notes to add on to Libera's comment:

-Make sure all of the grace notes have consistent slurs.  Some of them don't have any and some of them seem to be small ties rather than slurs.

- Flip the grace note in m. 32 upwards and use a slur instead of a tie (m. 38 should also use a slur instead of a tie, and m. 27 is missing slurs)
- In m. 47 I'd suggest flipping the slur to be on top and ending it on the C#. Same for the ones on the last page

[Code_Name_Geek]

Sorry for the wait on this!

-The graces in bar 39 sound like they go up to an E and then F# before landing on the actual E note.

^ This still.

I think I got this now, if I'm interpreting what you said right.

-To clarify I don't hear any grace note at the start of bar 38.
-Make sure all of the grace notes have consistent slurs.  Some of them don't have any and some of them seem to be small ties rather than slurs.
-I should have been clearer but I was suggesting the gliss in bar 40 end on the B below the F# that was previously there, rather than the B above.  Unless you think it works better as one octave rather than two.
-I wasn't super sure about it when I first saw this but I'm more convinced now that the Bbs in bars 1-8 should be A#s instead.  It feels to me like these sequences are built around messing around with a Bmmaj7 chord.

All these should be fixed.

-The organ solo actually sounds like it drops down an octave going into bar 32 and comes back up at the end of bar 34.  It might get a little murky on piano like that so if you want to keep it up the octave then I don't really mind.

Oh boy it's been a long time since I did this but I think I intentionally did that to keep it from getting murky so I'll leave it up the octave.

That's alright, they are pretty hard to hear.  I took a shot at them and this is what I got:

Spoiler

You cannot view this attachment.

[close]

As I said before, I think it's pretty much the same thing going on earlier but with the guitar melody on top.

That helps a bunch, thank you! I kept the melody doubled in the earlier section because it's a bit harder to hear in the upper octave.

We're talking about the dotted eighth A, right? It sounds to me exactly as Code_Name_Geek has it written right now, namely no re-strike on beat 4.5.

A few other things while I have this open:
- The intro RH would probably be easier to read in bass clef
- Thoughts about adding some low bass hits on the quarter notes in m. 5-8 when the beat drops?
- I think the performance note for ad lib in m. 25 is a bit awkwardly placed between the music and the chord symbol... thoughts? Maybe switching their vertical positions or moving the performance note further to the right?
- Flip inner ties between m. 58-59 and 66-67, they also need some adjusting in 62 and 70

A few specific comments about the grace notes to add on to Libera's comment:- Flip the grace note in m. 32 upwards and use a slur instead of a tie (m. 38 should also use a slur instead of a tie, and m. 27 is missing slurs)
- In m. 47 I'd suggest flipping the slur to be on top and ending it on the C#. Same for the ones on the last page

Got these as well. Thanks!

[Libera]

Looks great!  Apart from the weird grace notes going on in 36 which is presumably an accident.

Also the mini-titles and page numbers aren't aligned to the top margin.  I only just noticed that, sorry.  Will approve afterwards.

[Code_Name_Geek]

Looks great!  Apart from the weird grace notes going on in 36 which is presumably an accident.

Also the mini-titles and page numbers aren't aligned to the top margin.  I only just noticed that, sorry.  Will approve afterwards.

That was very much an accident...

Got the titles too!

[Libera]

Sweet!

[Latios212]

Alrighty! Final feedback from me. Pretty minor things overall as this already looks fantastic.
- Notehead-centered articulations for m. 5-8...? Not that is really makes a difference here though.
- In measures 10 and 18 it sounds like the RH guitar bends down to a B (instead of sustaining D) around beat 1.25. It's a bit subtle so I think it's fine to leave out if it makes the piano sound a bit awkward, but I think it's there.
- There are some chromatic grace notes not currently written in before the last RH notes of m. 10, 13, and 14, as well as m. 10's F#. (The same applies to m. 18.) They're fleeting but noticeable, and I think they could spice up the RH a bit more without making it much more difficult.
- The E grace notes in m. 26 should be E#s. In a similar vein I think the ascent in m. 25 might sound a little closer to the original written E-E#-F#, although that's a little more open to how you want to write out that gliding sound.
- Dotted eighth rest in m. 27
- A grace note in m. 28 should be A#.
- D grace note in m. 30 sounds like C# instead.
- Looks like the second half of the LH part of m. 36 got shifted when fixing the grace note
- I think m. 38 has a E# grace note before beat 1
- Is there a way we can give the triplet in m. 36 a bit more space?
- Beat 2.5 of m. 46 and 54 should probably be octave doubled too.
- Flip the slur in m. 63 and 71 upwards so it's clear that the chromatic descent ends on the C# like in other places (as opposed to the B it ends on now).

Lastly, I think you may want to consider an 8vb for the left hand from m. 9 onwards. The bassline doesn't sound quite as funky at this octave and there's no pedal or anything that would make it sound worse at a lower octave, so I think that's probably the way to go, at least from my playtesting.

[Code_Name_Geek]

- In measures 10 and 18 it sounds like the RH guitar bends down to a B (instead of sustaining D) around beat 1.25. It's a bit subtle so I think it's fine to leave out if it makes the piano sound a bit awkward, but I think it's there.

You're right about that being there, but I tried it a few ways and it did sound awkward so I left it out.

- Is there a way we can give the triplet in m. 36 a bit more space?

I personally couldn't figure out how best to do this. I was able to adjust the notes with speedy entry but it was misaligned with the left hand - is there a better way to do it?

Lastly, I think you may want to consider an 8vb for the left hand from m. 9 onwards. The bassline doesn't sound quite as funky at this octave and there's no pedal or anything that would make it sound worse at a lower octave, so I think that's probably the way to go, at least from my playtesting.

Good suggestion! Is simply writing 8vb at m. 9 enough or should I say "sempre 8vb" (or something like that)?

Everything else has been fixed!

[Latios212]

Good suggestion! Is simply writing 8vb at m. 9 enough or should I say "sempre 8vb" (or something like that)?

Yeah - I would suggest "sempre 8vb" with a dotted line that goes on for a little bit with no ending bracket, implying it continues. Can't think of a sheet with that off the top of my head, but I think you can probably picture it.

Aside from that, I think the slur on the grace note in m. 14 may be better extended to the last tied E so it doesn't look like a tie before the tie. (I was thinking about the same thing for m. 12/18 but that'd look a bit more awkward so I think it's fine as is)

Great work!

[Code_Name_Geek]

Yeah - I would suggest "sempre 8vb" with a dotted line that goes on for a little bit with no ending bracket, implying it continues. Can't think of a sheet with that off the top of my head, but I think you can probably picture it.

Aside from that, I think the slur on the grace note in m. 14 may be better extended to the last tied E so it doesn't look like a tie before the tie. (I was thinking about the same thing for m. 12/18 but that'd look a bit more awkward so I think it's fine as is)

Great work!

Done!

[Latios212]

Huzzah! Accepting