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[MUL] Persona 5 - "Welcome Home, Master!" by Code_Name_Geek & Samusthedude

Started by Zeta, September 04, 2020, 05:52:23 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Megami Tensei/Persona
Game: Persona 5
Console: Multiplatform
Title: Welcome Home, Master!
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arrangers: Code_Name_Geek & Samusthedude

[attachment deleted by admin]


mastersuperfan



I've never played Persona 5 before, but this track makes me want to.

- According to Apple Music and the Persona Wiki, the official translated title for this track is "Welcome Home, Master!" Unfortunately, there is no heart in the official English name.
- Tempo should be 170 BPM. Also, the number in the tempo marking is bolded for some reason. To be even nitpickier, the tempo marking is a little bit high IMO and could be moved down slightly.
- Page number and header on page 2 are outside of the margins.
- I think it would help if you could fill in the rests on beats 2 and 4 in m9/24 LH. Even if the bass doesn't play there, you could add something in to mimic the percussion. I just think it feels a bit abrupt/empty there.
- I would also try to add eighth notes on beats 3.5 and 4.5 of m10/25/34/42 LH, so that you have an eighth note pattern there rather than just quarter notes. This also mimics the percussion and leads better into the next section, IMO.
- I think the first measure should be forte, not just mf.
- The jump from forte to mezzo piano at m19 is pretty sudden. I'd argue that the original track never really goes as soft as mp, but if you want to keep it for effect, I would at least add an mf to m11 so that the transition isn't as abrupt.
- m19-26 sounds like a really good place to add some harmonies under the RH melody, since it feels a bit empty as is (especially since you changed the LH to just octaves). It's hard to tell whether there are distinct notes under the melody in the original, but if there aren't, you could try adding your own.
- m10 LH beat 1.5 should be A# instead of A.
- The last note of m25 LH and beats 1-3 of m26 LH should be Cn, not D. Beat 4 of m26 LH should be a C#.
- Beats 3-4 (but not 4.5) of m27/29/31/35/37/39 LH should be an F# chord, not G. The bass only moves up to G on beat 4.5.
- The octave jumps to the low Bb/E on beat 2.5 of m33/41 LH seem unnecessarily difficult. I would either raise it up an octave (so just repeat the same Bb/E three times in a row), or change it to a dyad instead, like beats 1.5/3.5.
- m42 LH beat 3 should be Bb instead of B.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Code_Name_Geek

Quote from: mastersuperfan on September 12, 2020, 11:05:51 AMI've never played Persona 5 before, but this track makes me want to.
That's the intention... ;)

Quote from: mastersuperfan on September 12, 2020, 11:05:51 AM- According to Apple Music and the Persona Wiki, the official translated title for this track is "Welcome Home, Master!" Unfortunately, there is no heart in the official English name.
That is indeed a shame, but yeah that should probably be changed for consistency's sake.

Quote from: mastersuperfan on September 12, 2020, 11:05:51 AM- I think it would help if you could fill in the rests on beats 2 and 4 in m9/24 LH. Even if the bass doesn't play there, you could add something in to mimic the percussion. I just think it feels a bit abrupt/empty there.
- I would also try to add eighth notes on beats 3.5 and 4.5 of m10/25/34/42 LH, so that you have an eighth note pattern there rather than just quarter notes. This also mimics the percussion and leads better into the next section, IMO.
Added some notes in those spots, but sometimes we weren't sure which notes to put so let us know if anything sounds weird.

Quote from: mastersuperfan on September 12, 2020, 11:05:51 AM- m19-26 sounds like a really good place to add some harmonies under the RH melody, since it feels a bit empty as is (especially since you changed the LH to just octaves). It's hard to tell whether there are distinct notes under the melody in the original, but if there aren't, you could try adding your own.
We added a harmony line here, but same as above applies (the last two bars were especially tricky?).

All the other changes should be done as well, sorry for the delay!

mastersuperfan

Solid. Some last things:
- In m10 LH, the A#'s should be written as Bb's, and the notes on beats 3 and 4 should be Cn's instead of B's. Also, I would suggest changing beats 3.5 and 4.5 to G's instead of E's (I think the fifths sound better). I like this way, but if you also want to maintain the dyad offbeat pattern, you could just have both E and G together on beats 3.5 and 4.5 instead.
- In m34 LH, change the A's on beats 3.5 and 4.5 to G's, and in m41 LH, change the F# on beat 3.5 to Fn and the C#'s on beat 4 to Cn's. Similar to m10, I think it sounds good if you just have single notes (i.e. C-G-C-G in m34, Bb-Fn-Cn-G in m42), but if you want to keep the offbeat dyad pattern, you can include both notes on beats 3.5 and 4.5 as well.
- IMO the crescendo in m26 looks kinda weird to be just slightly crossing over into the previous measure. I would just limit it to m26 instead of extending it into m25 since I think it looks cleaner and it doesn't really change anything.

Quote from: Code_Name_Geek on November 25, 2020, 05:31:00 PMWe added a harmony line here, but same as above applies (the last two bars were especially tricky?).
You're in luck because the track actually has some faint harmonies under there, and I slowed the audio down to take a listen. I'm not 100% sure about the exact harmony notes, but compared to what you have now, I would suggest the following changes:
- On beat 1.5 of m19/21/23, I would change the E to a D (i.e. so you have a D-G dyad instead of an E-G dyad; the D is repeated both dyads in a row).
- In m19-20 and m23-24, whenever E is the top note of the dyad, change the lower note to A instead of B (5th instead of a 4th). In m21-22, whenever E is the top note of the dyad, change the lower note to C# instead (3rd). Beat 4 of m22 should also have a D on the bottom instead of a C#.
- On beats 2 and 3 of m25, the F# should be an Fn instead. Additionally, on beats 1.5 and 3.5 of m25, where G is the top note, change the bottom note from an E to an Fn (so you have Fn-G, major second dyad). The F# in the very first dyad stays as F#.
- On m26 beat 4, the harmony I (faintly) hear under the E is a G, not an A. However, I think the A sounds better in the sheet, so I'd probably just keep it as is.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Code_Name_Geek

Quote from: mastersuperfan on November 27, 2020, 04:14:03 PMSolid. Some last things:
- In m10 LH, the A#'s should be written as Bb's, and the notes on beats 3 and 4 should be Cn's instead of B's. Also, I would suggest changing beats 3.5 and 4.5 to G's instead of E's (I think the fifths sound better). I like this way, but if you also want to maintain the dyad offbeat pattern, you could just have both E and G together on beats 3.5 and 4.5 instead.
- In m34 LH, change the A's on beats 3.5 and 4.5 to G's, and in m41 LH, change the F# on beat 3.5 to Fn and the C#'s on beat 4 to Cn's. Similar to m10, I think it sounds good if you just have single notes (i.e. C-G-C-G in m34, Bb-Fn-Cn-G in m42), but if you want to keep the offbeat dyad pattern, you can include both notes on beats 3.5 and 4.5 as well.
- IMO the crescendo in m26 looks kinda weird to be just slightly crossing over into the previous measure. I would just limit it to m26 instead of extending it into m25 since I think it looks cleaner and it doesn't really change anything.
All done - I think the single notes sound better in those spots too.

Quote from: mastersuperfan on November 27, 2020, 04:14:03 PMYou're in luck because the track actually has some faint harmonies under there, and I slowed the audio down to take a listen. I'm not 100% sure about the exact harmony notes, but compared to what you have now, I would suggest the following changes:
Awesome, thanks so much for this! All the changes you suggested have been done.

mastersuperfan

Very nice. Last couple things:
- m10 LH beats 3 and 4 should be Cn's, not Bn's.
- I would move the mf in m19 down a little so it's not so close to the slur.
- For m26 LH beats 3 and 4, I would suggest using two-note slurs instead of tenutos.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Code_Name_Geek

Quote from: mastersuperfan on December 02, 2020, 01:20:39 PMVery nice. Last couple things:
- m10 LH beats 3 and 4 should be Cn's, not Bn's.
- I would move the mf in m19 down a little so it's not so close to the slur.
- For m26 LH beats 3 and 4, I would suggest using two-note slurs instead of tenutos.
Done! I did two-note slurs instead of tenutos in m. 10 as well to keep it consistent.

mastersuperfan

I don't think you need the staccatos at the end of the two-note slurs since it's generally implied that the second note of a two-note slur is staccato, plus you already have sempre staccato at the beginning.

The "= 170" in the tempo marking is also still bolded for some reason. Not sure if you can change it, although it's probably not a big deal if you can't.

In the meantime, though, I'll approve this one.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Latios212

Just a few things from me!
- Who's the composer? Wikipedia's telling me it's Shoji Meguro for Persona 5.
- Hmm, I wouldn't really say "sempre staccato" is the best fit here. The original accentuates the bass note playing on every beat and the arrangement already sounds even lighter when raised an octave. I would recommend putting staccatos on the offbeats and then using "simile", or something of the sort.
- You may want to put a courtesy sharp on the first RH C# in m. 26 as it's above Cn in the LH
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Code_Name_Geek

Quote from: Latios212 on December 02, 2020, 05:08:39 PM- Who's the composer? Wikipedia's telling me it's Shoji Meguro for Persona 5.
Shoji Meguro is the main composer for the game/series, but a lot of the "side" tracks are done by other people. According to VGMDB, this one was composed by Atsushi Kitajoh.

Quote from: Latios212 on December 02, 2020, 05:08:39 PM- Hmm, I wouldn't really say "sempre staccato" is the best fit here. The original accentuates the bass note playing on every beat and the arrangement already sounds even lighter when raised an octave. I would recommend putting staccatos on the offbeats and then using "simile", or something of the sort.
We listened to this again and that does seem like a better way to do it, thanks for the suggestion!

Quote from: Latios212 on December 02, 2020, 05:08:39 PM- You may want to put a courtesy sharp on the first RH C# in m. 26 as it's above Cn in the LH
Also done.


Quote from: mastersuperfan on December 02, 2020, 02:41:26 PMI don't think you need the staccatos at the end of the two-note slurs since it's generally implied that the second note of a two-note slur is staccato, plus you already have sempre staccato at the beginning.
I think those slurs are now redundant with Latios's suggested articulation changes, since the established pattern is now long-short. If there's another reason to have them in there we're open to hearing it, though.

Quote from: mastersuperfan on December 02, 2020, 02:41:26 PMThe "= 170" in the tempo marking is also still bolded for some reason. Not sure if you can change it, although it's probably not a big deal if you can't.
Oops we must have missed this one, it should be fixed now.

Latios212

Awesome, all looks good!

Just one more thing I forgot to mention earlier (sorry!) - some food for thought. The accompaniment is a bit light in the m. 27-end section especially with the RH being higher in octaves; I think it might sound better if it were a bit more bassy like the previous section since the original sounds arguably most energetic in this section. Also, the raising of the bass in m. 27 (and similar) beat 4.5 is a bit obscured and awkward to play the way it's currently written.

I'm thinking of something like this, or maybe altering it so something plays on beat 1 of m. 28 as well:

You cannot view this attachment.

Feel free to try this if you like, or keep it as is. I'll be happy to accept it in its current state, just thought I'd share this thought :P
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Code_Name_Geek

Sorry for the wait!

We tried that out and liked the suggestion, so we decided to go with it! We also modified the section immediately before to be similar.

Latios212

My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Zeta