Case in point, the... ascending 32nd-note line at the end. If there's something inventive we can do with that, it's there so we know what we're working with. If not, I'll just remove it. Easier to remove it than to go back and add it. Besides, not all the extra parts play every loop in real gameplay due to interruption with sound effects.
Yeah, that's not super workable as is. I'd suggest just taking it out for simplicity. If you want to keep it though, you could do something along these lines:

Note that the last four notes are actually parallel fifths, which we definitely can't keep.
Oh, and the "q = 98, 112, 126, 140" is a note for me so I wouldn't forget to ask about it. The tempo featured in the YouTube video is the slowest possible in the game. However, throughout, the game instanteously (over the course of a measure, I think) switches between 98, 112, 126, and 140 depending on the in-game score. I'm thinking just including the 98-140 range would be best, but I dunno how to do that. [I recorded some sound directly from my Game Boy, if you wanted to back me up there. It also demonstrates sound effects clipping into the music. Parachute starts at 0:16.]
With something like this, best to communicate your intentions as clearly as possible, since it might not be super clear what to do with (q=98-140). My suggestion: Keep the q=98 indicator, and add a performance note somewhere (i.e. English text) explaining that it can change to 112/126/140 at any point based on your score.
Other things before I check notes in depth:
- The sheet's a bit cramped right now. I think it would work better with 3 measures per system, with four systems on the first page and two systems on a second page.
- Add a line break in the composer info when it gets that long.
- I'd suggest separating the RH layers in m. 3-4 and 7-8 - they're doing rhythmically independent things.
- Check your note durations and add staccatos where necessary. In particular, the RH in m. 5 is a lot more short and detached than it appears with dotted eighth notes and tied notes. Skim the sheet for other places that need similar clarification.
- Missing a grace note at the beginning of m. 13.