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Author Topic: [PC] Len'en 1: Evanescent Existence - "Eternal Dance Engine ~ Shall We Dance!!" by BlueKirby  (Read 188 times)

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Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Len'en 1: Evanescent Existence
Console: PC
Title: Eternal Dance Engine ~ Shall We Dance!!
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: BlueKirby
« Last Edit: November 25, 2020, 01:45:16 AM by Latios212 »
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BlueKirby

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happy len'en day
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play len'en

also check out my horrible cursed edit stash (mainly len'en lol): https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1bbg6eth6G8SUdJgiG-R49aeSsCL_ylt2?usp=sharing

Maelstrom

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Feedback time

-I don't hear the grace not in m24 or m28.
-m49-54 RH -  I don't hear the horn restriking on beats 1 or 2. I think a whole note would be better here. Beats 3-4 in each measure are fine
-m69 RH b1.5 - I hear a Dn here instead of a b. Also in every other similar measure. (Eb in m81/85)
-m66 and similar - when it goes down to a D#M chord on beat 4 and in similar places, the 3rd 16th in that run is a Dn, not a D#
-m67 LH b4 - chord here is actually just a DM chord, so no sharps.
-m69 LH b2 - chord here is a D#M, looks just like m66 b4 with the Dn on top
These chord changes are present in the remainder of the piece.

I am not the accidental expert but I have a few suggestions.
-m24 and similar - spell all Gbs as F#s in the LH like you have in the RH.
-It's really bothering me how b3-4 of m68 are spelled like F# major in the RH and Gb major in the LH. Not sure of the best way to easily fix it aside from maybe changing the LH chord on b3.
 This occurs a bunch of other places.
The rest is easily sightreadable, at least.

Is it possible to incorporate the ascending and descending bass voice in m45-54? Like modulating the off beats instead of having them hit the same note all the time?

Overall, you did a pretty fantastic job with this.

I have a few concerns with the bassline of the final section, mostly the parts at the end of m73, 81, etc. The repeated 16ths make this section pretty tricky to play. I only bring this up because this is by far the hardest part to play of the entire piece and simplifying this one section would make it considerably easier to play. I don't really have any suggestions off the top of my head for you, unfortunately. Actually, I don't hear the 4th 16th of most of those runs. Simply making the 3rd one into an 8th would make it considerably easier to play.

BlueKirby

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oh boy motivation came to me

Quote from: Maelstrom
-I don't hear the grace not in m24 or m28.
fixed

Quote
-m69 RH b1.5 - I hear a Dn here instead of a b. Also in every other similar measure. (Eb in m81/85)
i meant to fix that earlier, fix'd

Quote
-m66 and similar - when it goes down to a D#M chord on beat 4 and in similar places, the 3rd 16th in that run is a Dn, not a D#
fixed

Quote
-m67 LH b4 - chord here is actually just a DM chord, so no sharps.
  cha-cha'd

Quote
-m24 and similar - spell all Gbs as F#s in the LH like you have in the RH.
fix'd

Quote
-It's really bothering me how b3-4 of m68 are spelled like F# major in the RH and Gb major in the LH. Not sure of the best way to easily fix it aside from maybe changing the LH chord on b3.
that was done intentionally so there wouldn't be too many accidentals all over the place, but i changed it.

Quote
I have a few concerns with the bassline of the final section, mostly the parts at the end of m73, 81, etc. The repeated 16ths make this section pretty tricky to play. I only bring this up because this is by far the hardest part to play of the entire piece and simplifying this one section would make it considerably easier to play. I don't really have any suggestions off the top of my head for you, unfortunately. Actually, I don't hear the 4th 16th of most of those runs. Simply making the 3rd one into an 8th would make it considerably easier to play.
fiiiixed


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play len'en

also check out my horrible cursed edit stash (mainly len'en lol): https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1bbg6eth6G8SUdJgiG-R49aeSsCL_ylt2?usp=sharing

Maelstrom

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I mistyped
The note that should become an F# is m14 beat 3.5 in that measure and all measures with an identical bassline
m13, for example, should have the Gb instead.
The difference here is the chord being played - it's a Db major chord in m13 and a B minor chord in m14 and spelling it like those chords makes it easier to read. The rest is great, aside from the missing measure numbers, but that can be fixed last

I don't know how I feel about staccatos on the LH 8th notes in the final 2 pages. I think it might be better without, imo.
Is it possible to incorporate the ascending and descending bass voice in m45-54? Like modulating the off beats instead of having them hit the same note all the time?
Maybe something like this?

BlueKirby

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I mistyped
The note that should become an F# is m14 beat 3.5 in that measure and all measures with an identical bassline
m13, for example, should have the Gb instead.

mael you're killing me. fixed.

I don't know how I feel about staccatos on the LH 8th notes in the final 2 pages. I think itmight be better without, imo.

removed



done
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play len'en

also check out my horrible cursed edit stash (mainly len'en lol): https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1bbg6eth6G8SUdJgiG-R49aeSsCL_ylt2?usp=sharing

Maelstrom

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Cool, gets my approval

Latios212

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Hi! I know I've formatted this for you once before but it looks like the fixes have gone away - when you make edits please update the same file instead of exporting a new one and feel free to reach out if you need help or there's something you can't do. Best to get the formatting out of the way once.

So that said, I've fixed the layout/margins/text/measure numbers/etc. as well as the following:
- Updated the contour of the gliss. between m. 4-5 so it tilts down in both systems
- F#s in LH of m. 6/10/22/26/30/38/42 should be G#. D's in m. 14/18/34 should be E's. The bass outlines a sus4 chord instead of a minor chord.
- G# in m. 20/36 should be Ab
- Last note of m. 24/28/40/44 LH should be B instead of D
- Last D in LH of m. 66/70/74 should be sharp
- Last LH notes of m. 79/83 should be Eb instead of E
- Gb's in m. 81/85 LH should be E's instead

These aren't corrections, but strong recommendations:
- Slurring grace notes
- Courtesy natural on the Dn in the LH of 48/52/60

I've updated the files, let me know if the edits all look good to you. If so I'll accept!
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BlueKirby

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Hi! I know I've formatted this for you once before but it looks like the fixes have gone away - when you make edits please update the same file instead of exporting a new one and feel free to reach out if you need help or there's something you can't do. Best to get the formatting out of the way once.

So that said, I've fixed the layout/margins/text/measure numbers/etc. as well as the following:
- Updated the contour of the gliss. between m. 4-5 so it tilts down in both systems
- F#s in LH of m. 6/10/22/26/30/38/42 should be G#. D's in m. 14/18/34 should be E's. The bass outlines a sus4 chord instead of a minor chord.
- G# in m. 20/36 should be Ab
- Last note of m. 24/28/40/44 LH should be B instead of D
- Last D in LH of m. 66/70/74 should be sharp
- Last LH notes of m. 79/83 should be Eb instead of E
- Gb's in m. 81/85 LH should be E's instead

These aren't corrections, but strong recommendations:
- Slurring grace notes
- Courtesy natural on the Dn in the LH of 48/52/60

I've updated the files, let me know if the edits all look good to you. If so I'll accept!

everything looks great, thanks so much.
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play len'en

also check out my horrible cursed edit stash (mainly len'en lol): https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1bbg6eth6G8SUdJgiG-R49aeSsCL_ylt2?usp=sharing

Latios212

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You're welcome! ;D
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who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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Zeta

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This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot
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