Firstly let me say that I think this is a very tricky piece to arrange and you've made pretty good stab at it. In general the map themes of Awakening are nightmares to arrange for piano so I hope all the criticism below doesn't make you feel bad. I do however think this arrangement needs a bit more work in general to get it sounding/feeling right.
I'll say some general things before I get into specifics. Overall I think this arrangement is generally quite empty compared to the original, although it's better than when I last looked at it with the additional harmony in places. Most of my comments that aren't accuracy related are geared towards alleviating this and trying to get the arrangement to sound fuller. I'd also like to say that I think that this arrangement could use more dynamic variance. At the moment, the loudest dynamic is forte and the quietest mezzo piano. I'd recommend widening this range to try and get some more nuance into the dynamics. Some examples: 67-74 could be more starkly contrasted with 75-82, the crescendo could be bigger in 39-42 etc.
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-I hear different notes for left hand beat 3 in nearly all of bars 1-8. Bar 1 I hear an E, bar 2 a G etc. Most of them are octaves and definitely not fifths.
-Bars 17-20 are very empty compared to the original. I can see why you omitted the triplet pattern, but I'd recommend trying to include the strings here so it's not just a single line above a single note bass. Particularly bar 20 sounds really empty, rhythmically and harmonically.
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-There's an amazing harmony line here that mostly moves in sixths below the melody here and I think this section loses out massively by its omission. Particularly the resolution onto A major in bar 24 is currently only hinted at by the passing C# in the left hand, but would be made completely clear by including the extra harmony here. Again I think including this would go a long way towards making this section less empty and fuller.
-I don't think you should cut off the melody in bar 28 right on the final beat, it makes that line sound really odd. I'd recommend instead finishing it on the correct A and then taking over with the new line at the start of 29. You could still keep the D as harmony if you wanted, but I think you should preserve the ending of that melody.
-I think the first layer A in bar 30 beat 3 should still be an F like in bar 26.
-It'd be nice if there was a way to get across that bars 35-36's RH is not a melody part. Perhaps a dynamic or something like that?
-In contrast to the rest of the arrangement, bars 39-42 feel way too heavy. This is section is pretty quiet in comparison the other stuff and yet it's by far the thickest texture in the entire arrangement. Generally I'd really recommend making this section lighter if you can, but I'll post some specifics in the next few comments.
-I don't hear anything below the top G F Eb in bars 39-40 in the original.
-I'd highly recommend removing the octaves in the melody in bars 39-41.
-I don't hear the parallel thirds in bar 40 at all.
-There's a Bb in bar 40 that moves up to a C on beat 4 (the Bb below middle C that is, although you could put it in the RH also.)
-I'd consider removing the A in the left hand in bar 41. The A is not that low in the original and you have it in the RH anyway for harmony purposes. I think it sounds too muddy with the lower power chord there.
-The lower F in the RH of bar 42 beat 1 should be a G.
-Missing an Eb in the RH of the second chord of bar 42.
-I don't hear a low F in the first chord of bar 42. I'd just write that bar's left hand as octaves or single notes (the lower ones obviously).
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-I don't hear these Ds in the left hand of bars 43-37. It sounds pretty much the same as 55/59 where you wrote Cm.
-Not super sure about bar 45/49 but the loudest note I can hear on these backbeats is a C, which is omitted. The third of the chord is pretty important to include I think.
-You include the countermelody in bars 55-62 but not in bars 43-50. Is there a particular reason? While you'll see my thoughts about including the countermelody in 55-62 further down, I do think the RH could do with a bit more here than just octaves. Particularly in bar 50 where there is no movement whatsoever in the right hand.
-I'm hearing lots of different notes/harmonies to what you wrote in for bars 51-54. Could you have another look over this for me? Particularly there are no parallel sixths in bar 51 (parallel thirds instead), missing Abs in bars 52/54, G on beat 1 of bar 51 etc. There are lots so I don't want to go through them all really.
-The crescendo in bar 54 should go through all the way to the end of bar 54.
-The top C should restrike on beat 3 of bar 54.
-I'm not a huge fan of the giant rolls in bars 55-57. I think they are unnecessarily difficult to perform in a non-clunky way and only succeed at preserving the exact octaves of the countermelody which I'm not sure is that important all things considered.
-Speaking of the countermelody, including it in full I think makes this section very awkward and difficult to read. I would really strongly consider condensing the countermelody into the main part wherever possible (which is in quite a lot of places), or removing it altogether and using it to fill in harmony for the RH. Particularly places like bar 58 gain practically nothing from being written out in this way and it'd look far simpler if the countermelody was condensed into the melody. If you still really want to keep it, I'd at least recommend messing around with the positioning of the noteheads manually so that they don't interfere with each other as much.
-Again the top C of bar 61 should restrike on beat 3.
-The rhythm in the right hand of bar 62 doesn't sound right. I think it should go along with the triplets.
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-Bar 63 has the same last note as bar 64 in the left hand.
-The lowest notes in bar 65-66 should be staccato crotchets like in bars 63-64.
-In general there's definitely some muddling of voices/confusion about what's going on in bars 65-66. Let me give a picture.
The melody line in bars 65-66 should have an A on beat 2 of bar 64. (The A on beat 1 actually goes down to the F# on beat 3 and isn't part of that line, so the way it's currently written is kind of confusing voice wise but that should be easy to clear up if you move the current lower layer down to the left hand.) I'd then move the D# on beat 1 of bar 66 into the second layer and then add the F# on beat 3 of that same voice.
-Again I think it's important to resolve that sweeping violin line in bars 65-66 when you go into 67 rather than dropping it down to some other voice.
-General comment about bars 67-74: I think you should include the part that's exactly (I think) the same as the one in bars 75-82 (but quieter). At the moment, this section doesn't really sound much to me like the original when I listen along because it's missing that interesting melodic movement that the original (while quiet) still has. There's also no reason to have to miss out the strings you've written in with the chords since these phrases always start on beat 2. Definitely consider this.
-Speaking of chords: bars 70-71 I wouldn't double the D, especially not at the top of the chord. The A should be a G and there should also be an E in here still.
-Bars 71-72 there should still be an E.
-Same for bars 73-74 and there's also more movement in the strings here than written in. However I don't think it's more important than the line previously mentioned and currently omitted.
-Again in 75-82 you could use thicker harmony from the strings (that you haven't included yet) here like in 67-82.
-I'm not really sure what's going on with beat 4 in the left hand for bars 67-82. I don't hear this at all and it sounds more like it should be another E or just not there at all. I'd also suggest using something lighter than three notes on beat 3 because it's not really that heavy in the original.
I am almost certainly going to need a second look at this once the edits start coming in.
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Topic: [3DS] Fire Emblem Awakening - "Destiny" by Maelstrom (Read 592 times)