[NDS] Pokémon Black Version 2 & Pokémon White Version 2 - "Castelia City Gym" by Cashwarrior1

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon Black Version 2 & Pokémon White Version 2
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Castelia City Gym
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Cashwarrior1

[attachment deleted by admin]

[cashwarrior1]

So I thought I'd go for something nice and chill after doing Tri Force Heroes but this sheet was surprisingly annoying. First of all, there's these sounds that come in with the melody at 0:18 that have a clear pitch and it clashes with the chords. Specifically, one plays an Eb5 on beat 4 and putting that in the piano part really makes it sound wrong. So I thought I'd just make all these instances small notes and say to play them all pianissimo so that they're there but not obnoxious. The chords, bass, and melody are often too far away from each other for one hand to play both, so I moved the low piano notes up an octave and the chord notes down so it has the same effect while being manageable. Lastly, there are these arpeggios at 1:17 that go out of the range of the piano. All the notes that were above the top C I just didn't include.

[Latios212]

We'll take a closer look at this one soon, but a couple of quick things as I skim:
- Title should be "Castelia City Gym", game should be "Pokémon Black Version 2 & Pokémon White Version 2"
- Title and game title are the wrong text styles, check the formatting guidelines
- URL should use https instead of http
- Move the top staff down away from the header a bit on page 2
- There is no "fine" in this sheet, so just use D.S. at the end

[cashwarrior1]

Updated.

[mastersuperfan]

Ooh, this is an interesting track that I don't remember...
- mp is too high up in m1
- I don't think the repeat signs are worth it for two-measure phrases. I would just write them out. The systems on page 2 are already pretty stretched out anyway, so you can put more measures per system on page 2.
- I would write m4 RH beat 1.5 as a staccato eighth instead of a 16th + rest (same for Layer 2 in m10/m15)
- Yeah, I see what you mean about those Eb's... what I would do is only include it in every other measure, i.e. include it in m6, m8, m10, etc. but not in m7, m9, etc.
- On that note, I don't actually hear the Eb's in m6 or m30. Am I missing something there?
- Those chords in m13-17 are pretty muddy for being in that low register; you might consider writing something like this instead:

Spoiler

[close]

- The RH melody notes in m7-10 and m13-17 sound very held and legato to me; I would write the line without rests, e.g. something like:

Spoiler

[close]

- It's a bit confusing how you have slurs in m21-26 but also rests. The original track is tenuto for those notes, but I can see legato working well for piano, so I would suggest that you either pick legato or tenuto and stick with it (legato: make all notes fully held with slurs; tenutos, keep the eighth rests and put tenuto markings on the quarter notes).
- I also hear an Eb in the m24 LH chord... I think. Hard to tell for sure.
- Hard to tell what the m25 chord is exactly, but I don't think there's a C in there? I would suggest deleting the C's and/or replacing one or both of them with D's. (Maybe replace LH C with D, delete RH C to leave a dyad?)
- The chord in m27 is really hard to figure out... I hear the C on the bottom and the E and I think D the on top too, but instead of G and B in the middle, I hear an A.
- In the m28 chord, I hear A instead of Bn.
- I lowered the audio down three octaves to hear the high notes in m31-32... some of them are detuned to be between two pitches (yuck), but this is approximately what I got:

Spoiler

[close]

^ Turns out that this sounds pretty lousy on piano. (The actual notes in the original are still one octave higher, beyond the range of the piano.) Honestly, I think I would just leave the RH empty for these last two measures. It's already so quiet in the original, and I don't think it adds much anyway. Although, if you're particularly a fan of the line you came up with for m31-32, you can keep that if you want.

[cashwarrior1]

- On that note, I don't actually hear the Eb's in m6 or m30. Am I missing something there?

The same sound that plays the rest of the Eb's appears in those measures, but are much quieter. I kinda chose to include them so that there'd be something different for those measures.

- I also hear an Eb in the m24 LH chord... I think. Hard to tell for sure.
- Hard to tell what the m25 chord is exactly, but I don't think there's a C in there? I would suggest deleting the C's and/or replacing one or both of them with D's.

I don't exactly hear the Eb, but I did find that chord feeling a little empty, so I put it in. As for the C, I'm hearing the bottom harmonization in the melody walk down to it, but I did go ahead and remove it.

- I lowered the audio down three octaves to hear the high notes in m31-32... some of them are detuned to be between two pitches (yuck), but this is approximately what I got:

okay so I think it's just not worth trying to include at all o.O

Updated.

[mastersuperfan]

The same sound that plays the rest of the Eb's appears in those measures, but are much quieter. I kinda chose to include them so that there'd be something different for those measures.

I honestly can't hear them at all, but I'll take your word for it.

Some last stuff:
- Title, page 2 header, and page number all go above the top margin; copyright goes below the bottom margin.
- I'd move the mp in m1 slightly up so it's centered between the two staves.
- Asterisk in m6 is now floating way above the small note.
- On beat 1 of m27 RH, the beginning of the slur is floating high above the note.
- In m31, move the left end of the 15ma slightly more to the right so it's not so close to that notehead.
- In the last measure, I'd move the D.S. right so it's closer to the barline.
- Rest positioning... this is where stuff starts to get icky. For m9/m11 RH, I think you should move the half rests back up to the center of the staff since Layer 1 is already so high up. I would move the m17 half rest up to rest on the second line. For m10/m18/m20/m21, I think you should unhide the quarter rest beat 1 and move it up (back to center staff for m10, lower than that for m18/m20/m21). I would move the m21 beat 3 rest up to the same height as the beat 1 rest. This is somewhat subject to your preference in positioning, but in general it's good to try to keep rests at around the same level as the other notes in the layer unless it starts getting close to the other layer.
- On a similar note, you have a few rests that are small in size, but most are not. For measures with small notes in Layer 2, I would either make all the rests small, or none of them small, as long as it's consistent. (Making them all small might help to distinguish the rests from Layer 1.)

[cashwarrior1]

Updated.

[mastersuperfan]

- Now your title/header and copyright are even further outside the margins, lol.

Spoiler

[close]

- Maybe more dynamics: you could add a mf in m17, and then have a diminuendo somewhere near the end, maybe like m31-33, down to mp in m34. Or something along those lines; up to you.
- In m18, I would move the RH beat 3 rest down to the same height as the beat 1 rest. (m20 is fine as is since both layers are higher up.)
- Gb's in m17/m19 should be written as F#'s.
- The LH rests in m17-20 could be moved higher up:

Spoiler

[close]

- Did you want to add a staccato eighth note to beat 1.5 of m23 RH Layer 1, like you have in m4?
- move the D.S. up a little higher aaaaaaa

I think that's it.

[cashwarrior1]

- Now your title/header and copyright are even further outside the margins, lol.

Oh, you said to put them above the margin lol

- Title, page 2 header, and page number all go above the top margin; copyright goes below the bottom margin.

Unless you mean to make the line of the margin go through the text? Effectively putting it on top of the margin?

- Did you want to add a staccato eighth note to beat 1.5 of m23 RH Layer 1, like you have in m4?

I chose not to include that so that the player wasn't doing such a big jump in an eighth note's time.

Updated.

[mastersuperfan]

Oh, you said to put them above the margin lolUnless you mean to make the line of the margin go through the text? Effectively putting it on top of the margin?

oh oops I meant that your things were going beyond the margins when they shouldn't be

[cashwarrior1]

oh oops I meant that your things were going beyond the margins when they shouldn't be

ohhhh okay that makes sense 😅

[mastersuperfan]

I meant to get back to this earlier and then forgot. I'm going to approve it now since it's basically good, but a few more things I notice:
- Not totally sure if the tenutos in m1-8 LH are necessary since the LH is going to play that legato already
- Move the 15ma in m33 down

And that's it. Nice sheet.

[cashwarrior1]

Updated.

[Latios212]

I never quite liked the sounds on this one, but it's an interesting take on the gym theme for sure. I wish they were more creative with the gym theme more often

This looks great, a few last things:
- I would suggest taking out the small Eb at the end of m. 20 because it makes a very dissonant major seventh interval with the melody D and you already rose it an octave here anyway
- Page number (2) is still outside the margins, you can also lower the music on page 2 since it's cramped at the top and there's space at the bottom. You can lower the first staff using the staff tool
- Rests in m. 21 RH aren't center staff like they should be
- Any reason why m. 25-28 aren't an octave up like in the original?
- The third sixteenth note in m. 31 should be A instead of Bb.