[PC] Len'en 2: Earthen Miraculous Sword - "Mono Eye ~ Ironic FATE" by BlueKirby

Started by Zeta, January 20, 2021, 12:20:37 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Len'en 2: Earthen Miraculous Sword
Console: PC
Title: Mono Eye ~ Ironic FATE
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: BlueKirby

[attachment deleted by admin]

BlueKirby


Formatting on this one is... real bad. Thanks musicxml.
pfp is by me

My MuseScore

play len'en and kid icarus uprising

mastersuperfan

All right, sorry for the wait! Here's some feedback...

- Measure numbers and page numbers... we'll grab this later. For now, all the feedback below is going to refer to measure numbers without the pickup measure (i.e. so the first measure in the second system is m4).

- IMO, I think this would work more nicely if the LH were legato and held for the entire piece (except for m32 for obvious reasons) instead of being staccato and detached for the first five pages. When the LH is staccato, I think the bass just has too much empty space to fill the arrangement.

- For m1-16 RH, I hear the second RH note as being tied for most of the measure, and not restruck on beat 2.5. I can hear where you think the restruck rhythm on beat 2.5 is coming from, but I think that's just the underlying chords, and not the strings melody itself.

- m4 LH beat 4.5 repeats the D-A-D chord instead of moving down to C-G-C.

- m8/12 LH beats 4-4.5 repeat the E-B-E chord two more times instead of moving down.

- Same goes for m16 as with m8/12, except m16 also plays the E-B-E chord on beat 3 as well (whereas there's a rest there in m8/12).

- m31 RH lower note should be an A instead of a B. Same for m36 RH beat 3, m38 RH beat 4, m40 RH beat 4, m44 RH beat 3, and m46 RH beat 4.

- m32 LH sounds like it should actually have a chromatically descending pattern (E-Eb-D-Db) instead of paralleling the RH.

- m34 RH beat 2.5 should have C as the lower note instead of B. Same for m35 RH beat 1, m38 RH beat 1, m42 RH beat 2.5, m43 RH beat 1, and m46 beat 1.

- Perhaps double the melody down an octave in m41-48 to distinguish this phrase from m33-40? May or may not consider raising it up an octave too.

- For m49-64, see comments on m1-16 (both RH and LH), except now here the end of m52 just sounds like three repeated E-B-E chords.

- For m65/66/69/70/.../78 RH beat 1, the lower note should be C instead of B.

- For m65/69/73/78 RH beat 2.5 the lower note should be F# and G.

- In general, it wouldn't hurt to go through and double-check all the harmonies in the RH since I may not have caught everything.

- m67 LH chord should be B-F-B (low B).

- Crescendo in m72 is touching the barline.

- For m81-96, see notes on m33-48.

- m105-109 are extra measures that aren't actually in the original.

- I would hide all the tempo markings and only show the "rit." where necessary. Also, "poco a poco accel." is more conventional than "gradual accel" (and for good measure, you could tack on "poco a poco accel. e cresc.", too). At m97, you could say something like "Meno mosso" at the beginning instead of explicitly delaying a strict tempo marking in order to give the player some freedom in how slow to start out.

- Whenever a 16th note lands directly on a beat or on a "0.5 beat" (e.g. beat 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 4.5) without another 16th note right after it, it's cleaner to write it as a staccato 8th instead. i.e. beats 1.5 and 3.5 for m97-111 RH, beats 1.5 and 4 for m112-127, beats 1.5 and 3 for m128.

- Repeated 16th notes in the RH significantly up the difficulty for (IMO) not much benefit. I'd suggest removing some of the repeated consecutive 16th notes and leaving just the 16th notes on the emphasized beats. For example:
Image

[close]

- m121-128 would be much better written with an 8va over it. For that matter, it'd be most efficient to simply write m113-128 as one big repeat system with a first and second ending and a note to play it 8va the second pass. (For now, don't worry about the second pass 8va on playback—we can add that later in Finale.)

- For m129-end, see feedback on the m1-16, except just in a different key.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

BlueKirby

Quote from: mastersuperfan on March 15, 2021, 11:07:37 PMAll right, sorry for the wait! Here's some feedback...

- Measure numbers and page numbers... we'll grab this later. For now, all the feedback below is going to refer to measure numbers without the pickup measure (i.e. so the first measure in the second system is m4).

- IMO, I think this would work more nicely if the LH were legato and held for the entire piece (except for m32 for obvious reasons) instead of being staccato and detached for the first five pages. When the LH is staccato, I think the bass just has too much empty space to fill the arrangement.

- m4 LH beat 4.5 repeats the D-A-D chord instead of moving down to C-G-C.

- m8/12 LH beats 4-4.5 repeat the E-B-E chord two more times instead of moving down.

- Same goes for m16 as with m8/12, except m16 also plays the E-B-E chord on beat 3 as well (whereas there's a rest there in m8/12).

- m31 RH lower note should be an A instead of a B. Same for m36 RH beat 3, m38 RH beat 4, m40 RH beat 4, m44 RH beat 3, and m46 RH beat 4.

- m32 LH sounds like it should actually have a chromatically descending pattern (E-Eb-D-Db) instead of paralleling the RH.

- m34 RH beat 2.5 should have C as the lower note instead of B. Same for m35 RH beat 1, m38 RH beat 1, m42 RH beat 2.5, m43 RH beat 1, and m46 beat 1.

- Perhaps double the melody down an octave in m41-48 to distinguish this phrase from m33-40? May or may not consider raising it up an octave too.

- For m49-64, see comments on m1-16 (both RH and LH), except now here the end of m52 just sounds like three repeated E-B-E chords.

- For m65/66/69/70/.../78 RH beat 1, the lower note should be C instead of B.

- For m65/69/73/78 RH beat 2.5 the lower note should be F# and G.

- In general, it wouldn't hurt to go through and double-check all the harmonies in the RH since I may not have caught everything.

- m67 LH chord should be B-F-B (low B).

- Crescendo in m72 is touching the barline.

- For m81-96, see notes on m33-48.

- m105-109 are extra measures that aren't actually in the original.

- I would hide all the tempo markings and only show the "rit." where necessary. Also, "poco a poco accel." is more conventional than "gradual accel" (and for good measure, you could tack on "poco a poco accel. e cresc.", too). At m97, you could say something like "Meno mosso" at the beginning instead of explicitly delaying a strict tempo marking in order to give the player some freedom in how slow to start out.

- Whenever a 16th note lands directly on a beat or on a "0.5 beat" (e.g. beat 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 4.5) without another 16th note right after it, it's cleaner to write it as a staccato 8th instead. i.e. beats 1.5 and 3.5 for m97-111 RH, beats 1.5 and 4 for m112-127, beats 1.5 and 3 for m128.

- Repeated 16th notes in the RH significantly up the difficulty for (IMO) not much benefit. I'd suggest removing some of the repeated consecutive 16th notes and leaving just the 16th notes on the emphasized beats. For example:
Image

[close]

- m121-128 would be much better written with an 8va over it. For that matter, it'd be most efficient to simply write m113-128 as one big repeat system with a first and second ending and a note to play it 8va the second pass. (For now, don't worry about the second pass 8va on playback—we can add that later in Finale.)

ok so i mostly (tried) to address this except for one... (also i did this in musescore then re-exported so please forgive me if that was the wrong thing to do i just cannot use notepad to save my life sometimes)

Quote from: mastersuperfan on March 15, 2021, 11:07:37 PM- For m1-16 RH, I hear the second RH note as being tied for most of the measure, and not restruck on beat 2.5. I can hear where you think the restruck rhythm on beat 2.5 is coming from, but I think that's just the underlying chords, and not the strings melody itself.

- For m129-end, see feedback on the m1-16, except just in a different key.

as someone who owns an sd-90 (which has all the instruments used in len'en music) and has messed around with the patches (including the violin, which is "Violin Vib 2"), i can say to me it does sound more like it's restriking rather than holding. Here's an example of what this sounds like when isolated (though this is from Touhou because I took this from a Touhou soundlist spreadsheet, though they are starting on Len'en. Also song is this for anyone interested).


EDIT: also forgot to mention i starred which tempo markings should be kept (as in not hidden)
pfp is by me

My MuseScore

play len'en and kid icarus uprising

mastersuperfan

Quote from: mastersuperfan on March 15, 2021, 11:07:37 PM- Crescendo in m72 is touching the barline.

- Whenever a 16th note lands directly on a beat or on a "0.5 beat" (e.g. beat 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 4.5) without another 16th note right after it, it's cleaner to write it as a staccato 8th instead. i.e. beats 1.5 and 3.5 for m97-111 RH, beats 1.5 and 4 for m112-127, beats 1.5 and 3 for m128.

- m121-128 would be much better written with an 8va over it. For that matter, it'd be most efficient to simply write m113-128 as one big repeat system with a first and second ending and a note to play it 8va the second pass. (For now, don't worry about the second pass 8va on playback—we can add that later in Finale.)
These too ^^

Other things:
- LH in pickup should be eighth rest, not half rest
- Most of the time your dynamics are too low and nearly colliding with the LH, not sure if this is a Musescore export problem or not.
- The measure distribution is a bit funky right now. e.g. pg. 1, the second and third systems have four measures but the fourth only has two, which looks really inconsistent. Also how the first system on pg. 2 has nine measures while the rest all have fewer. When possible, it's good to try to fit either two, four, or eight measures per system so that the systems line up with the phrases (known as "hypermeter"). If the phrases are visibly clear and the measures are too stretched in four but too cramped in eight, six measures per system also works sometimes (three measures per system works for the same reason if it's too stretched in two and too cramped in four). Anyway, try fiddling around with the measure distribution to make it more consistent and line up with the phrases better—reach out to one of us if you need more help with that.

Quote from: BlueKirby on March 19, 2021, 10:03:53 AMas someone who owns an sd-90 (which has all the instruments used in len'en music) and has messed around with the patches (including the violin, which is "Violin Vib 2"), i can say to me it does sound more like it's restriking rather than holding. Here's an example of what this sounds like when isolated (though this is from Touhou because I took this from a Touhou soundlist spreadsheet, though they are starting on Len'en. Also song is this for anyone interested).
I definitely hear these as held, but if you hear otherwise, I'll let someone else weigh in on this one later.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

BlueKirby

Quote from: mastersuperfan- Crescendo in m72 is touching the barline.

- Whenever a 16th note lands directly on a beat or on a "0.5 beat" (e.g. beat 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 4.5) without another 16th note right after it, it's cleaner to write it as a staccato 8th instead. i.e. beats 1.5 and 3.5 for m97-111 RH, beats 1.5 and 4 for m112-127, beats 1.5 and 3 for m128.

fixed

Quote from: mastersuperfan- m121-128 would be much better written with an 8va over it. For that matter, it'd be most efficient to simply write m113-128 as one big repeat system with a first and second ending and a note to play it 8va the second pass. (For now, don't worry about the second pass 8va on playback—we can add that later in Finale.)

i'm dumb and forgot to mention that when i was editing it prior i played the sheet and song together (which also made me realize i may have had some tempo issues) and it sounded more like what i had rather than that
pfp is by me

My MuseScore

play len'en and kid icarus uprising

mastersuperfan

Quote from: mastersuperfan on March 15, 2021, 11:07:37 PM- Whenever a 16th note lands directly on a beat or on a "0.5 beat" (e.g. beat 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 4.5) without another 16th note right after it, it's cleaner to write it as a staccato 8th instead. i.e. beats 1.5 and 3.5 for m97-111 RH, beats 1.5 and 4 for m112-127, beats 1.5 and 3 for m128.
For this one, I also mean notes like these:
Image
[close]

Quote from: BlueKirby on March 21, 2021, 03:50:08 PMi'm dumb and forgot to mention that when i was editing it prior i played the sheet and song together (which also made me realize i may have had some tempo issues) and it sounded more like what i had rather than that
What do you mean? The way you have it written out right now, the second section is the same as the first with the RH raised up an octave except for the last few measures.

Let me know once you've got these plus the measure distribution stuff.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

BlueKirby

:papyruswindow.gif:

Quote from: mastersuperfan on March 21, 2021, 08:39:09 PMFor this one, I also mean notes like these:
Image
[close]

yeah i was dumb and for some reason thought those were at the end of a beat.

Quote from: mastersuperfan on March 21, 2021, 08:39:09 PMWhat do you mean? The way you have it written out right now, the second section is the same as the first with the RH raised up an octave except for the last few measures.

what i'm trying to say is i put them side-by-side and heard what i had written

Quote from: mastersuperfan on March 21, 2021, 08:39:09 PMLet me know once you've got these plus the measure distribution stuff.

don't exactly know how to do this in either notepad or musescore, so could y'all please do it for me? sorry
pfp is by me

My MuseScore

play len'en and kid icarus uprising

mastersuperfan

I'll grab the formatting + measure distribution + tempo markings for you sometime over the next few days. Other than that, I think everything looks good to me. Just want to clear this up first:

Quote from: BlueKirby on March 24, 2021, 08:57:25 AMwhat i'm trying to say is i put them side-by-side and heard what i had written
Right, the way you have it is also accurate. What I mean is that it would also be equally accurate and would save space to write them as a repeat system with an 8va the second time, since the only difference between the first and second sections is that the second section is an octave higher and is one dynamic louder. It might make more sense when I write it out in the file.
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

mastersuperfan

Hey, sorry for the wait on this one! I just fixed up the formatting for this one; the new files are here: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/4o8cqcgkexrrggm/AABoRQ0l7ODDx9K3v8YJMu4Xa?dl=0.

For future reference, note that I split up the measure distribution into phrases of four wherever possible (matching the structure of the track), except for m100-124 where it got too cramped for that.

Apart from formatting/measure distribution/spacing, a few other small things I changed:
- Added double barlines to delineate sections.
- Changed articulations in m32 to accent+staccato. To my knowledge, marcatos aren't conventional in piano scores.
- Added parentheses in m44/92 RH where the LH and RH overlap.
- Added a missing staccato on m111 RH beat 1.5.
- Removed the lower E in m112/120 RH beat 4.5 to avoid repeating the E three times in a row.
- Added "Tempo primo" to m125 for extra clarification.
- Changed the "D.S. al Fine" to just "D.S." since there is no "Fine."

Quote from: mastersuperfan on April 08, 2021, 09:38:14 PMWhat I mean is that it would also be equally accurate and would save space to write them as a repeat system with an 8va the second time, since the only difference between the first and second sections is that the second section is an octave higher and is one dynamic louder.
^ With the way the measure distribution worked out, this doesn't even reduce the number of pages, so I just left it as is.

Let me know what you think. If you're good with these files, I'm happy to approve, provided that the second updater double-checks this:
Quote from: mastersuperfan on March 15, 2021, 11:07:37 PM- For m1-16 RH, I hear the second RH note as being tied for most of the measure, and not restruck on beat 2.5. I can hear where you think the restruck rhythm on beat 2.5 is coming from, but I think that's just the underlying chords, and not the strings melody itself.
Quote from: BlueKirby on March 19, 2021, 10:03:53 AMas someone who owns an sd-90 (which has all the instruments used in len'en music) and has messed around with the patches (including the violin, which is "Violin Vib 2"), i can say to me it does sound more like it's restriking rather than holding. Here's an example of what this sounds like when isolated (though this is from Touhou because I took this from a Touhou soundlist spreadsheet, though they are starting on Len'en. Also song is this for anyone interested).
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Static

Just a few things:
  • m32 LH: I almost don't hear the Eb on beat 2, but in any case this should be written as a D# (it's an implied B7#9/D# chord) - make sure to put a courtesy natural in the RH. Similarly, beat 4 should be spelled as a C# (C#m chord). Even though the bass is moving chromatically, if the notes are part of distinct chords they should be spelled as part of them.
  • It almost sounds like there should be a G# in m63-64... but that's just my mind playing tricks on me.
  • Watch out in m65-80 RH. In m65, the lower voice should be F# on beat 2.5 (also applies to m69, 73, and 77 - I think msf mentioned this but you must've missed it). Also, the half note in m68/76 should be F#-B (the repeated F# is fine here since it's used sparingly, so it's not too hard to play).

I think you should be able to do all this with NotePad, but if you need anything let me know.

mastersuperfan

Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on February 11, 2016, 03:00:36 PMthere's also a huge difference in quality between 2000 songs and 2010 songs
Quote from: Latios212 on February 11, 2016, 03:29:24 PMThe difference between 2000 songs and 2010 songs is 10 songs.

Static


Zeta