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Author Topic: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "The Shifty Sticker" by ManOfDucks  (Read 153 times)

Zeta

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Submission Information:

Series: Paper Mario
Game: Paper Mario: The Origami King
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: The Shifty Sticker
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: ManOfDucks
« Last Edit: April 08, 2021, 04:15:35 AM by ManOfDucks »
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ManOfDucks

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ManOfDucks

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On relistening to my arrangement, I made a small edit in measure 16 on count one. I separated the octave Cs into two separate parts so the bottom C resolving the melody would be held for the full note value and the top C of the "fill" voice would remain staccato.

I also had some questions on specific spots I was doubting myself on. In measure 53 the second triplet of beat 3, should it be C-Natural or C-Flat, I keep going back and forth between the two and can't decide.

In Measure 55 the third triplet of beat 4, there's a C-Natural against a C-Flat in the recording, but when it's combined into one voice it sounds kind of gross and I was contemplating removing it, but at the same time it goes by so quickly I'm not sure if it's that large of an issue.

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Latios212

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Wow, what a first submission! This is really... quite something. And I mean that in a good way :P

Here's a bunch of feedback, though these are all fairly small things. This sheet is really well made!
- Your top margin is rather small on the subsequent pages and in particular the music is quite high up on page 5. Play around with it to distribute the space a bit better over the rest of the page
- I'd suggest leaving the A# in the chromatic ascent in m. 1 and 7 as a Bb
- There are some places where I think the Ab would be better spelled as a G#, as a chromatic neighboring tone to an A in the chord. These include m. 5 and 10-12, 27/31, and 35. Measures 18-19 as well, those Fbs underneath would make more sense as E naturals.
- Staccato in m. 16 beat 3 in the RH should go over the note. Measure 25 left hand beat 2 also
- The ascent in the left hand of m. 17 is quite a jump to and from the surrounding power chords. Maybe consider lowering it an octave to make it easier to play?
- D# in m. 21 beat 1 (both LH/RH) should be Eb (since it's chromatically descending above D bass)
- The left hand is pretty difficult to maintain at speed overall, but that's the nature of the piece :P it can also be simplified to play while reading without too much trouble. That said, I think m. 25 is particularly rough and also quite muddy-sounding. Any chance we could simplify that a bit?
- I would recommend splitting the dotted half rest into two dotted quarter rests in m. 26/28/30 since it crosses the middle of the measure.
- Beat 4 (LH) of m. 37 should be stemmed downwards (with articulation above)
- That chord in m. 44/48 is borderline impossible to play :P maybe invert/omit one of the upper notes?
- You could remove the naturals in the outgoing key signature in m. 57 if you want.
- Spellings of the chords in m. 61 - would recommend E>Eb>D>Eb. So changing Ab to G# in the first chord, D# to Eb in the second, and Gb to F# in the third.

In measure 53 the second triplet of beat 3, should it be C-Natural or C-Flat, I keep going back and forth between the two and can't decide.
I'm pretty sure Cb is correct (as you have written in right now).

In Measure 55 the third triplet of beat 4, there's a C-Natural against a C-Flat in the recording, but when it's combined into one voice it sounds kind of gross and I was contemplating removing it, but at the same time it goes by so quickly I'm not sure if it's that large of an issue.
Yeah I agree that's a bit awkward sounding :P given the fullness of the sound and the way it continues to pound out the chords, I wouldn't over-index on this one dissonance. I think substituting another chord tone would work just fine.
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ManOfDucks

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Quote
- Your top margin is rather small on the subsequent pages and in particular the music is quite high up on page 5. Play around with it to distribute the space a bit better over the rest of the page

I've pushed the staves just about as far as they can go on the page without overflowing onto the next page.

Quote
I'd suggest leaving the A# in the chromatic ascent in m. 1 and 7 as a Bb

Done.

Quote
- There are some places where I think the Ab would be better spelled as a G#, as a chromatic neighboring tone to an A in the chord. These include m. 5 and 10-12, 27/31, and 35. Measures 18-19 as well, those Fbs underneath would make more sense as E naturals.

I switched Ab to G# in most places. I kept it as an Ab in measures 16-17 because I think the upper voice is just doing a fill in C-minor. I left it in measure 13 because I think the contour makes more sense with an Ab as opposed to G# since the 2 notes preceding the G-natural in measure 14 are enclosing it. In measures 29 and 37 I left it as an Ab since it's the arrival point on a descending run. If you think these ones would still be better spelled as a G# though I'd be more than happy to change them!

Quote
- Staccato in m. 16 beat 3 in the RH should go over the note. Measure 25 left hand beat 2 also
- The ascent in the left hand of m. 17 is quite a jump to and from the surrounding power chords. Maybe consider lowering it an octave to make it easier to play?
- D# in m. 21 beat 1 (both LH/RH) should be Eb (since it's chromatically descending above D bass)

Done, done, and done.

Quote
- The left hand is pretty difficult to maintain at speed overall, but that's the nature of the piece :P it can also be simplified to play while reading without too much trouble. That said, I think m. 25 is particularly rough and also quite muddy-sounding. Any chance we could simplify that a bit?

I took out the middle notes in beats 3 and 4 and I think that helped both the issues you mentioned!

Quote
- I would recommend splitting the dotted half rest into two dotted quarter rests in m. 26/28/30 since it crosses the middle of the measure.
- Beat 4 (LH) of m. 37 should be stemmed downwards (with articulation above)

Done and done.

Quote
- That chord in m. 44/48 is borderline impossible to play :P maybe invert/omit one of the upper notes?

I removed the bottom voice from the first beat and brought the high A-Flats down an octave. It's still difficult but should be possible with some smart fingering.

Quote
- You could remove the naturals in the outgoing key signature in m. 57 if you want.
- Spellings of the chords in m. 61 - would recommend E>Eb>D>Eb. So changing Ab to G# in the first chord, D# to Eb in the second, and Gb to F# in the third.

Done and done.

Thank you for the helpful feedback!


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Latios212

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- There are some places where I think the Ab would be better spelled as a G#, as a chromatic neighboring tone to an A in the chord. These include m. 5 and 10-12, 27/31, and 35. Measures 18-19 as well, those Fbs underneath would make more sense as E naturals.
I switched Ab to G# in most places. I kept it as an Ab in measures 16-17 because I think the upper voice is just doing a fill in C-minor. I left it in measure 13 because I think the contour makes more sense with an Ab as opposed to G# since the 2 notes preceding the G-natural in measure 14 are enclosing it. In measures 29 and 37 I left it as an Ab since it's the arrival point on a descending run. If you think these ones would still be better spelled as a G# though I'd be more than happy to change them!
Yep! Just to clarify, I pointed out all the places that I spotted and the rest, including the ones you mentioned here, look fine as Ab.

- That chord in m. 44/48 is borderline impossible to play :P maybe invert/omit one of the upper notes?
I removed the bottom voice from the first beat and brought the high A-Flats down an octave. It's still difficult but should be possible with some smart fingering.
Ooh sorry, I was referring to the left hand! Fb-Fb-Gb isn't really doable. I think the right hand was fine as you had it before - even though it's tricky at speed the performer can easily omit the lower notes if they need to.

Thank you for the helpful feedback!
You're welcome! :D The rest looks good to me, thanks for making the fixes really quickly!
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ManOfDucks

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Quote
Yep! Just to clarify, I pointed out all the places that I spotted and the rest, including the ones you mentioned here, look fine as Ab.

Got it, thank you for the clarification!

Quote
Ooh sorry, I was referring to the left hand! Fb-Fb-Gb isn't really doable. I think the right hand was fine as you had it before - even though it's tricky at speed the performer can easily omit the lower notes if they need to.

The right hand has been reverted! I thought the Gb sounded too muddy down low so I just switched it to a root position Fb-Major instead.
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Splendid! Looks good to me then :)
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Looks pretty solid, if demanding... Let's take a closer look
  • I would suggest using just the default marcato marking on those quarter notes (like in m2) since both markings essentially mean the same thing. I know Finale has a tendency to play marcatos longer than you expect, but if this is performed it'll sound like how you want. Musicians tend to have better intuition than a computer program.
  • This is a pretty heated topic among us, the updaters, but I personally would suggest writing staccato dotted quarter notes as just staccato quarter notes. Having two dots on a note sometimes looks weird sometimes. I suppose it's just personal preference, so feel free to leave it as-is.
  • The m.d. and horizontal line look a bit too far apart whenever they appear.
  • The copyright text, page numbers, and running title are all outside the page margins. This can be fixed by editing the Frame Attributes with the Text Tool and setting the vertical (V) values to 0.

That's about all I have to say, nice work

ManOfDucks

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Quote
I would suggest using just the default marcato marking on those quarter notes (like in m2) since both markings essentially mean the same thing. I know Finale has a tendency to play marcatos longer than you expect, but if this is performed it'll sound like how you want. Musicians tend to have better intuition than a computer program.

Fixed this.

Quote
This is a pretty heated topic among us, the updaters, but I personally would suggest writing staccato dotted quarter notes as just staccato quarter notes. Having two dots on a note sometimes looks weird sometimes. I suppose it's just personal preference, so feel free to leave it as-is.

I agree two dots on a note can be a little too noisy. I decided to leave them on for this piece just because it's in a compound meter, I think it looks a little neater without the eighth rests trailing behind.

Quote
The m.d. and horizontal line look a bit too far apart whenever they appear.
The copyright text, page numbers, and running title are all outside the page margins. This can be fixed by editing the Frame Attributes with the Text Tool and setting the vertical (V) values to 0.

Fixed these too.

Thank you for the feedback!



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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "The Shifty Sticker" by ManOfDucks
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2021, 04:11:19 AM »

I agree two dots on a note can be a little too noisy. I decided to leave them on for this piece just because it's in a compound meter, I think it looks a little neater without the eighth rests trailing behind.
Makes sense.

One last super nitpicky thing: the rest in m35 LH doesn't match the height of the ones in m37 or 39.

ManOfDucks

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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "The Shifty Sticker" by ManOfDucks
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2021, 04:16:26 AM »

Quote
One last super nitpicky thing: the rest in m35 LH doesn't match the height of the ones in m37 or 39.

Done!
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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "The Shifty Sticker" by ManOfDucks
« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2021, 04:19:14 AM »

Awesome! I'll accept now

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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "The Shifty Sticker" by ManOfDucks
« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2021, 04:19:18 AM »

This submission has been accepted by Static.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot
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