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[SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "Olivia's Plea" by XiaoMigros

Started by Zeta, March 28, 2021, 02:48:27 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Paper Mario
Game: Paper Mario: The Origami King
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: Olivia's Plea
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: XiaoMigros

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XiaoMigros

An older transcription of mine, might need some work done.

Latios212

Quote from: XiaoMigros on March 28, 2021, 02:49:44 PMAn older transcription of mine, might need some work done.
Would you mind giving it a once over first? Or is there something in particular you think you still need help with?
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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XiaoMigros

Can do. There's nothing particular that needs doing, I'll just double-check it for accuracy before one of you guys takes a closer look at it then :)

Latios212

My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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turtle

XiaoMigros


Latios212

Yay less work!

This is originally a piano piece, so I'll be a little more picky than normal regarding which chord tones to include.
- I'd suggest inverting the first chord in m. 1 down once. The original plays a B an octave lower which obviously isn't doable but we can preserve the B on bottom.
- Similarly the chord in m. 7 is rooted by a G on the bottom. That makes a minor tenth to the B flat, but if you omit the G currently written it's easy rollable or reachable. Or you could invert the Bb down as well. Anyway, I suggest playing around with it since I think this chord could be made a bit heavier
- I'm hearing the left hand C in m. 9 being held for the whole measure. I think the RH octave on beat 1 could be lengthened too - to a half note perhaps
- The chord on beat 1 of m. 1 sounds like Bb-Fn-Bb-D ascending. You could have the RH play some of those notes
- Along the same lines, I think the next few triads in m. 10-12 sound a bit too heavy. I think the ones in m. 10-11 can do without the Cn's in them, and m. 12 LH can be F#-C#-F#
- I think the half note chord in m. 14 also has a B on bottom
- Beat 2 of m. 16 isn't very playable as written - see if you can maybe omit a tone or two to make it easier for the LH to roll? I think beat 2 would be good written as C-G-E ascending. (You might want to think about removing the lower D in the half note chord here too, it sounds a bit heavy)

Other things:
- I think beat 3.5 of measure 8 would be better written up an octave, not underneath the 8va. It'd keep the contour of that phrase consistent (G descending to F#-D-A).
- Avoid having the hairpins cross the barlines in m. 17-19.
- The last two chords before the repeat definitely don't sound like p to me. Maybe save the dynamic change for the pickup back to the melody?

Formatting help to come later!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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XiaoMigros

I agree with almost everything you pointed out, so here are the things I'm still less sure on:

QuoteThe chord on beat 1 of m. 1 sounds like Bb-Fn-Bb-D ascending.
Presuming you meant to say measure 10, I fixed that.

QuoteI think the RH octave on beat 1 could be lengthened too
The original doesn't hold it for that long, and personally I feel that abrupt release gives the piece extra personality. Might just be me though and of course I can change it to a half later if I change my mind. (funnily enough I had it as a half before i revised the sheet)

QuoteI think beat 3.5 of measure 8 would be better written up an octave, not underneath the 8va. It'd keep the contour of that phrase consistent (G descending to F#-D-A).
I remember struggling with that section. It seemed weird to have an F# underneath the 8va but not the G. Good to know that the way you suggested is acceptable though, I'll keep that in mind for the future :)

The files should be updated 2 minutes after this message is sent. I also went ahead and replaced the pedal markings, though I'm not so certain about their alignment.
Thanks for your time!


Latios212

Quote from: XiaoMigros on April 07, 2021, 10:45:15 PMPresuming you meant to say measure 10, I fixed that.
Oops yeah, I meant that

Quote from: Latios212 on April 07, 2021, 05:10:25 PMI think the RH octave on beat 1 could be lengthened too - to a half note perhaps
Quote from: XiaoMigros on April 07, 2021, 10:45:15 PMThe original doesn't hold it for that long, and personally I feel that abrupt release gives the piece extra personality. Might just be me though and of course I can change it to a half later if I change my mind. (funnily enough I had it as a half before i revised the sheet)
That's fair, although I think the eighth note makes it seem a bit too abrupt. Maybe a quarter instead?

Quote from: XiaoMigros on April 07, 2021, 10:45:15 PMI remember struggling with that section. It seemed weird to have an F# underneath the 8va but not the G. Good to know that the way you suggested is acceptable though, I'll keep that in mind for the future :)
Yeah, there aren't any strict requirements for "anything above/below X should be under an ottava line". It's a good goal to preserve the contour of the phrase to see where the right hand moves up and down, and everything's still perfectly readable this way - the high G in m. 8 is anchored by a G sitting on the staff which is easy to read.

Quote from: Latios212 on April 07, 2021, 05:10:25 PM- Beat 2 of m. 16 isn't very playable as written - see if you can maybe omit a tone or two to make it easier for the LH to roll? I think beat 2 would be good written as C-G-E ascending.
I think the C-E-C-E is still a bit awkward - have you tried the C-G-E I suggested?

Also, where is the mf in m. 12 supposed to be - what note is that supposed to apply to? If m. 12 starts off as p then the latest the mf could go is the half note in m. 11.

Do you have Finale 2014 now? Do you need me to fix up the formatting or would you like some pointers on that?
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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[close]
turtle

XiaoMigros

QuoteI think the eighth note makes it seem a bit too abrupt. Maybe a quarter instead?
A quarter works, opted for that now

Quotehave you tried the C-G-E I suggested?
I just did, and it works really nicely! Playable, and it ties in well with the rest of the LH in that measure.

I adjusted the mf and put it on m11's half note. Don't really know what I was trying to do earlier tbh

QuoteDo you have Finale 2014 now? Do you need me to fix up the formatting or would you like some pointers on that?
Currently I'm using Finale 26, though I can't emphasise enough how inexperienced I am. Maybe if you could tell me what needs fixing up I'll try my best to do so myself. In particular the position of the pedal lines is weird and I wonder if there's a way to automatically adjust those.

Latios212

Quote from: XiaoMigros on April 11, 2021, 11:36:07 PMCurrently I'm using Finale 26, though I can't emphasise enough how inexperienced I am. Maybe if you could tell me what needs fixing up I'll try my best to do so myself. In particular the position of the pedal lines is weird and I wonder if there's a way to automatically adjust those.
Yeah of course! Here's some info you can take for the future rather than me doing it for you.

Make the system margins consistent, most notably the left margins. Those are different for the first and second page. Use the Page Layout tool and right click one of the boxes at the beginning or end of a system and you can edit margin values for a system range. You can fine-tune the spacing later by selecting the Staff Tool and dragging systems up and down.
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Page 2's missing a title header. You can create one by using the Text Tool and double clicking to create a new text box. Then you can insert the title like in this screenshot. Refer to this topic to make sure the alignment is set properly. Make sure the page margins are consistent too. You can also change the font and style here - definitely need to do that for the composer/arranger info.
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Pedal markings, I would suggest hiding them since they're so abundant here - you can put a con pedale/senza pedale expression text under the LH if you want it to start/end for a section. Unless you're really set on being explicit, you can hide them like this using the Smart Shape Tool:
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Sorry if this is a bit haphazardly thrown together, my mind's a little scattered tonight haha. Lemme know if you need any clarification or help
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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turtle

XiaoMigros

Finally got around to sorting this out:
  • Fixed up the margins with the sizes you recommended, applied those to both pages
  • Added page number and title header for page 2
  • Added con and senza pedale text and hid the markings, I also fixed up the fonts for the composer/arranger info section

If there's anything else that needs doing let me know and I'll do my best :)
Thanks for your time!

Latios212

Nice, looking much better :) some more Finale-specific stuff:
- Use Expressive Text via the Expressions tool for your text markings - the "con pedale" and "rit./a tempo". This will make sure that if you move the staves around the page, the text will move along with it (the Text tool anchors text boxes to the page instead). And have a consistent font (Times new Roman size 12 italic, unlike the MusicXML import).
- The staff name in the first system also needs to be changed to Times New Roman font.
- Second page title is above the top margin (see this topic). You also don't need the footer subsequent pages.

And some more polish work that isn't Finale-specific, but things to just poke and prod visually to clean up the sheet:
- Fix the roll marking in m. 2 to not collide with the accidental
- Make sure the 8vas begin and end over the notes they begin and end at - i.e. the first 8va starts too far to the right, the last 8va ends too far to the right
- Make sure the 8vas are a consistent height above the topmost notes - i.e. the 8va is very high over the notes in m. 6 but very close to the notes in m. 20
- Allow sufficient space between hairpins and dynamics - they're a bit too close together in m. 11 and 17-18
- Make the staff spacing consistent unless there's a good reason to do otherwise - some systems have 0.88" and some have 1" between the left hand and right hand staves. You can adjust this using the Staff Tool and dragging the lower staff up and down.
- Adjust your system spacing to make better use of the space on the page. For example, the bottom staff on the first page gets pretty close to the footer. The third and fourth systems have quite a bit of space above them and can be moved up some. You can do this using the Staff Tool and dragging the right hand staff up and down. Similarly, the top system on page 2 is far too close to the page number/header/top of the page.

Might seem a bit nitpicky but a lot of small things need tweaking to make the sheet really shine visually :) let me know if you need any assistance! (And after this, probably a few final comments on visual polish will be all from me)
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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[close]
turtle

XiaoMigros

I'd rather have nitpicky feedback since it really helps me improve! I'll see what I can do :)