[MUL] Shovel Knight: Plague of Shadows - "The Final Note" by Zeila

Started by Zeta, May 22, 2021, 05:36:17 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Shovel Knight: Plague of Shadows
Console: Multiplatform
Title: The Final Note
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Zeila

[attachment deleted by admin]

Zeila


A few comments:
- The Eb on beat 1 of measure 4 might be off? Same with the enharmonic spellings...
- In measure 32, the top note for the chords goes C-F, but here I made it as Eb-C even though the C doesn't play in the second one while the Eb does. This was just a compromise to preserve the motion instead of lowering the Eb by an octave or removing the C while keeping the Eb
- There are a few spots where I shifted the "a tempo" markings to the right because some measures had a slow start, although if it's better to just keep it to the first note (or write something else instead) then I can change that

cashwarrior1

Quote from: Zeila on May 22, 2021, 05:37:48 PM- There are a few spots where I shifted the "a tempo" markings to the right because some measures had a slow start, although if it's better to just keep it to the first note (or write something else instead) then I can change that
what about the final note ;)

Quote from: Zeila on May 22, 2021, 05:37:48 PM- The Eb on beat 1 of measure 4 might be off? Same with the enharmonic spellings...
I don't hear an Eb in the chord on beat 1. I think the enharmonic spelling could just be a regular D major chord (A D F# rh) and then put the accidentals for the beat 3 chord. To me, the beat 1 chord seems like a D maj/Ab.

Static

This is a neat piece.

  • The RH chords in m1-3 sound like they have the same articulation rather than being slurred together.
  • I also don't hear the Eb on beat 1 of m4; however the spelling as you have it is correct. It's an Ab7 chord, but it starts out with the b9 (Bbb) and #11 (Dn) resolving down to Ab and up to Eb, respectively. I would suggest spelling the F# in m5 as a Gb since this is already part of the chord.
  • m7: Fermata should be in both staves
  • m8, 16, 18: I hear this rhythm the same in all of these measures:

    The note on beat 1 is not restruck, as a mordent would imply, and it sounds like beat 3 is the note that the grace notes lead to (at least to my ear). I think it would make more sense to notate just beat 3 as the "main" note, and have two grace notes before it.
  • m19 LH beat 3: I would put a tenuto on this chord to indicate that you want it to be played longer. At first glance it might be mistaken as a misprint and just played as staccato anyway, just because it's surrounded by several measures of the same rhythm being played staccato.
  • m27, 35, 47: Ans should be Bbbs (GbmM7 chord)
  • m27 LH: The chords sound like they should be legato like in m33.
  • m33 LH should be Cbs instead of Bns (Bb7b9 chord).
  • m41 LH beat 1 should be Fb. Beat 1 is an Fbmaj chord, but beat 2 is still a Bb7/D, so maybe put a courtesy natural on beat 2 LH.
  • I was thinking about whether this should be listed under the base game or not since it's from DLC, but I think it's fine to list this under it's own game, similar to other expansions in MMORPGs. There's a bit more content here other than just a few extra stages to justify it's own separate title in my opinion.
  • It would be nice if the tempo markings and alterations were all aligned vertically, except m23, that one can stay up because of the stem in the way.

Zeila

Quote from: Static on May 25, 2021, 01:04:24 PM
  • m27, 35, 47: Ans should be Bbbs (GbmM7 chord)
With this one, I also got rid of some unnecessary courtesy accidentals

Quote from: Static on May 25, 2021, 01:04:24 PM
  • I was thinking about whether this should be listed under the base game or not since it's from DLC, but I think it's fine to list this under it's own game, similar to other expansions in MMORPGs. There's a bit more content here other than just a few extra stages to justify it's own separate title in my opinion.
This was part of a discussion for my submission of Tango of the Troupple King and yeah it was agreed to keep it as separate. The same would go for the other two campaigns

Quote from: Static on May 25, 2021, 01:04:24 PM
  • The RH chords in m1-3 sound like they have the same articulation rather than being slurred together.
  • I also don't hear the Eb on beat 1 of m4; however the spelling as you have it is correct. It's an Ab7 chord, but it starts out with the b9 (Bbb) and #11 (Dn) resolving down to Ab and up to Eb, respectively. I would suggest spelling the F# in m5 as a Gb since this is already part of the chord.
  • m7: Fermata should be in both staves
  • m8, 16, 18: I hear this rhythm the same in all of these measures:

    The note on beat 1 is not restruck, as a mordent would imply, and it sounds like beat 3 is the note that the grace notes lead to (at least to my ear). I think it would make more sense to notate just beat 3 as the "main" note, and have two grace notes before it.
  • m19 LH beat 3: I would put a tenuto on this chord to indicate that you want it to be played longer. At first glance it might be mistaken as a misprint and just played as staccato anyway, just because it's surrounded by several measures of the same rhythm being played staccato.
  • m27 LH: The chords sound like they should be legato like in m33.
  • m33 LH should be Cbs instead of Bns (Bb7b9 chord).
  • m41 LH beat 1 should be Fb. Beat 1 is an Fbmaj chord, but beat 2 is still a Bb7/D, so maybe put a courtesy natural on beat 2 LH.
  • It would be nice if the tempo markings and alterations were all aligned vertically, except m23, that one can stay up because of the stem in the way.
Updated, thanks!

Static

The changes look good, and that makes sense for the game title. approved

Edit: actually one last little thing, I'd recommend putting the entire piece in Db Major. The intro is just an extended V chord basically, so it still harmonically fits in with Dbmaj rather than Abmaj

Libera

Generally this looks pretty good.  I've just got some comments concerning details and accidentals.

-Regarding the second layer in bar 14, I think the contour should go upwards here.  The top notes going upwards Gb -> Bb, rather than downwards Gb -> Eb.  The second chord also sounds like it should have at least three notes in it, rather than two.  The exact same point applies to the similar figure in bar 30.
-For the chords on beats 2-3 of bar 32, I'm hearing the same notes for the first one but with the C on top, with the C falling down to an Ab on beat 3, rather than what is currently written.
-In bars 38+, I can see that you've taken the most prominent note that plays on beat 2 and placed it in the bass of a chord with the other two notes coming from other harmony.  However, I think it would be better to place that note at the TOP of the chord instead, essentially inverting all of these beat 2 chords up once.  For one, it makes this note stick out more since its on the top, but it also helps to prevent these chords from becoming too muddy, which they definitely do in bars 43-45.
-It sounds like the bass goes up rather than down in bar 45, i.e. I think the Bb on beat 1 should be an octave higher.
-The single dyad on beat 2 of bar 49 sounds kind of weak compared to the other bars.  Maybe throw in another Fb there?

Another thing to consider is whether this piece would be better written out in sharps rather than flats i.e. C# major.  I think it would get rid of a lot of the chords involving double flats (although it will introduce some double sharps in the melody, I feel like those are easier to read) and also removes some of the extremely awkward moments like the Fb 9 chord in bar 41, which you ended up writing in half flats and half sharps because you a) didn't notice because the flats confused you or b) realised that it looked really horrible written out entirely in flats.  It's something to try out anyway and see what you think of it.

I also agree with Static that the whole thing you should be in one key, with no key change in bar 8.  As he says, the opening is like an extended dominant.

Zeila

Quote from: Libera on June 19, 2021, 02:45:58 PM-Regarding the second layer in bar 14, I think the contour should go upwards here.  The top notes going upwards Gb -> Bb, rather than downwards Gb -> Eb.  The second chord also sounds like it should have at least three notes in it, rather than two.  The exact same point applies to the similar figure in bar 30.
I added an extra note to both, but Gb -> Eb stands out more to me than Gb -> Bb

Quote from: Libera on June 19, 2021, 02:45:58 PM-For the chords on beats 2-3 of bar 32, I'm hearing the same notes for the first one but with the C on top, with the C falling down to an Ab on beat 3, rather than what is currently written.
I mentioned that here although I heard something different from you
Quote from: Zeila on May 22, 2021, 05:37:48 PM- In measure 32, the top note for the chords goes C-F, but here I made it as Eb-C even though the C doesn't play in the second one while the Eb does. This was just a compromise to preserve the motion instead of lowering the Eb by an octave or removing the C while keeping the Eb
I don't hear an Ab, but it's part of the chord so I can add that and lower the Eb after all

Quote from: Libera on June 19, 2021, 02:45:58 PM-In bars 38+, I can see that you've taken the most prominent note that plays on beat 2 and placed it in the bass of a chord with the other two notes coming from other harmony.  However, I think it would be better to place that note at the TOP of the chord instead, essentially inverting all of these beat 2 chords up once.  For one, it makes this note stick out more since its on the top, but it also helps to prevent these chords from becoming too muddy, which they definitely do in bars 43-45.
Yeah that works better, thanks!

Quote from: Libera on June 19, 2021, 02:45:58 PM-It sounds like the bass goes up rather than down in bar 45, i.e. I think the Bb on beat 1 should be an octave higher.
I lowered it because of the low Bb in the following chord, but now that they're all moved to the top I changed it

Quote from: Libera on June 19, 2021, 02:45:58 PM-The single dyad on beat 2 of bar 49 sounds kind of weak compared to the other bars.  Maybe throw in another Fb there?
Done

Quote from: Libera on June 19, 2021, 02:45:58 PMAnother thing to consider is whether this piece would be better written out in sharps rather than flats i.e. C# major.  I think it would get rid of a lot of the chords involving double flats (although it will introduce some double sharps in the melody, I feel like those are easier to read) and also removes some of the extremely awkward moments like the Fb 9 chord in bar 41, which you ended up writing in half flats and half sharps because you a) didn't notice because the flats confused you or b) realised that it looked really horrible written out entirely in flats.  It's something to try out anyway and see what you think of it.

I also agree with Static that the whole thing you should be in one key, with no key change in bar 8.  As he says, the opening is like an extended dominant.
Fb9 chord? Do you mean Fb7 b9? Or the alternative Bb7/D that Static mentioned? I'm going to leave it as is for now because the double flats are horrid, but if you insist that I write it out with flats then I'll change it. Disregarding that, I tried writing it out in C# major and I think I prefer Db since there are still other sections with a lot of double sharps or naturals anyways (like m20/21)

Thanks for the feedback! The files are updated

Libera

Quote from: Zeila on June 21, 2021, 09:54:11 PMI added an extra note to both, but Gb -> Eb stands out more to me than Gb -> Bb

Hmm, I still hear this Gb -> Bb then resolving onto the Ab in bar 15.  I'll ask for another opinion.

Quote from: Zeila on June 21, 2021, 09:54:11 PMFb9 chord? Do you mean Fb7 b9? Or the alternative Bb7/D that Static mentioned? I'm going to leave it as is for now because the double flats are horrid, but if you insist that I write it out with flats then I'll change it. Disregarding that, I tried writing it out in C# major and I think I prefer Db since there are still other sections with a lot of double sharps or naturals anyways (like m20/21)

I meant Fb b9 (Fb, Ab, Cb, Ebb, Gbb) since I thought the 7 was implied in these chords, but I still wrote it wrong anyway.  But yes, I think if you're going to use double flats elsewhere you should use them here too for consistency.  I didn't spot the section in 20-22 that gets quite confusing in sharps, so flats unfortunately probably is the way to go...



Another thing I just noticed is the left hand marking in bar 23.  Wouldn't it be easier to just have the left hand take the whole of that chord, rather than just the bottom two notes?  I think it's generally easier to play/think about if you don't mix voices across hands, and don't think it'll make any difference to how hard the left hand is.

The other edits look good!

Zeila

Quote from: Libera on June 22, 2021, 11:53:51 AMHmm, I still hear this Gb -> Bb then resolving onto the Ab in bar 15.  I'll ask for another opinion.
Alrighty

Quote from: Libera on June 22, 2021, 11:53:51 AMI meant Fb b9 (Fb, Ab, Cb, Ebb, Gbb) since I thought the 7 was implied in these chords, but I still wrote it wrong anyway.  But yes, I think if you're going to use double flats elsewhere you should use them here too for consistency.  I didn't spot the section in 20-22 that gets quite confusing in sharps, so flats unfortunately probably is the way to go...
Updated

Quote from: Libera on June 22, 2021, 11:53:51 AMAnother thing I just noticed is the left hand marking in bar 23.  Wouldn't it be easier to just have the left hand take the whole of that chord, rather than just the bottom two notes?  I think it's generally easier to play/think about if you don't mix voices across hands, and don't think it'll make any difference to how hard the left hand is.
You're right, I ended up removing the bracket instead of extending it

Files were modified

Static

Quote from: Libera on June 22, 2021, 11:53:51 AMHmm, I still hear this Gb -> Bb then resolving onto the Ab in bar 15.  I'll ask for another opinion.
I also hear the Bb on top here on beat 3 of m14 RH Layer 2, as well as m30 in the LH

Zeila


Libera

Awesome.  I've uploaded new files with the articulations reset and have also made a very tiny spacing adjustment for the chord on beat 3 of bar 30 (the roll marking was bunched up to the previous chord, so I added a little extra space to fit it in).  I'll accept now, but if you've got any issues with that let me know via PM/DM or in #submissions on the server.

Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot