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[MUL] Bionic Commando - "Piano Theme" by Alpacatron

Started by Zeta, June 10, 2021, 08:08:01 PM

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Alpacatron

Done, and am uploading the new files now!
Thank you!
BFa Music (Jazz Bass)

Libera

Sorry for the wait.  Some cool reharmonisation in this.

-Use sharps or flats in bar 7, not a mixture of both.  Since you got into sharps for bars 8+ I think it'd be better to use sharps.  In other words, the Eb and Db in bar 7 should be D# and C#.
-What happens in bar 5 with the poco a poco accel?  It's completely unclear in the sheet.  To be honest, I'm not even sure I notice a deliberate accel in this section, at least not one that goes beyond just being loose with the tempo.
-You don't need an a tempo in bar 18, you have the new tempo marking for that.
-If you have two crotchets (quarters) that go across beat 3, you can just write them as a minim (half note).  It will look a lot cleaner this way.  Particularly in bar 12/23 where the overuse of ties makes the rhythm hard to discern, despite it being very simple.  I strongly recommend this.
-The last three octaves in the right hand of bar 36 should be an octave lower.
-The first two left hand notes in bar 32 are F -> A, not A -> E.  You can see how it matches the pattern in the left hand on beat 2.
-In bars 26-32, the only chords I hear rolled are the one in 31 and the first one in 32.
-The left hand chord in bar 14 should be rolled.
-The pedal marking in bar 20 feels like it comes off too early.  Normally I don't think it's really necessary to write these markings in so explicitly, but since you are writing them in they should probably be accurate.  It sounds like it comes off at the start of bar 21.  But I would say that there is loads of pedal that is used in the piece that you haven't notated in, so I don't really see the point of being so explicit for only a few bars.  I think it'd probably be better to just leave it up to the performer.
-The notes in the second half of bar 21 would probably look clearer written in two layers for the right hand rather than these mixed ties.  Something like this:
Spoiler
You cannot view this attachment.
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I hope that helps.  Let me know if you have any issues.

Alpacatron

Thank you for the feedback, sorry it's taken me a while to get back to editing this.
Note that I had assistance with this from the artist who arranged and recorded this track.

I incorporated a lot of the changes you recommended, some that I did not:

-Bar 7 - The flats should stay as is, as they are immediately repeated from bar 6. The sharps are leading up to the new key.
-Quarters across beat 3 - This is a personal preference, as well as the original artist's preference, but I have changed most of them, with bars 19 and 23 being exceptions.
-Bars 14, 26-32 - This is what I hear, I've also confirmed the notation with the artist.

I'll upload the updated files, thank you again!
BFa Music (Jazz Bass)

Libera

Quote from: Alpacatron on November 21, 2021, 05:01:15 PM-Bar 7 - The flats should stay as is, as they are immediately repeated from bar 6. The sharps are leading up to the new key.

I think you misunderstand me.  At the moment you are spelling the first phrase as Eb -> Db -> Bn.  This is a mixture of sharps and flats in the sense that it should really be spelt as either Eb -> Db -> Cb or (as I am suggesting) D# -> C# -> Bn.  I think the second works better because it then segues more naturally in the second half of the bar.  You have to swap from flats to sharps at some point and it makes the most sense to do it at the start of the bar, rather than partially in the middle of a phrase.  You could also swap on beat 3 of bar 6 and write the Dbs and Ebs as C#s and D#s, I don't mind.

Quote from: Alpacatron on November 21, 2021, 05:01:15 PM-Bars 14, 26-32 - This is what I hear, I've also confirmed the notation with the artist.

I don't really mind about the rolls, but I'm not going to budge on the wrong notes in bar 32.  I mistyped when I wrote up my previous post but the first two left hand notes of bar 32 are an F and a C, not an A and an E.  Again, you can see that this makes sense since it matches up with the pattern played in the second half of the bar.  I will only go off of the audio that you linked, which is where I am getting this from.  This is what the sheet should match up to if it is to be hosted on the site.

More evidence if you want
I don't like linking these because it's a kind of silly way to arrange but here is the frequency spectrum at the start of bar 32 with clear peaks on Fs and nothing at A in the low end.
You cannot view this attachment.
I can get another opinion if you really want me to but I think it is clearly unnecessary given the evidence above and the fact that I notice now that msf already pointed this mistake out to you.
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You also didn't respond to or fix a bunch of other things that I pointed out.  This process is only going to take longer if you don't communicate with me properly.  This applies to the below points.

Quote from: Libera on October 07, 2021, 10:36:46 AM-The last three octaves in the right hand of bar 36 should be an octave lower.
-The pedal marking in bar 20 feels like it comes off too early.  Normally I don't think it's really necessary to write these markings in so explicitly, but since you are writing them in they should probably be accurate.  It sounds like it comes off at the start of bar 21.  But I would say that there is loads of pedal that is used in the piece that you haven't notated in, so I don't really see the point of being so explicit for only a few bars.  I think it'd probably be better to just leave it up to the performer.
-The notes in the second half of bar 21 would probably look clearer written in two layers for the right hand rather than these mixed ties.  Something like this:
Spoiler
You cannot view this attachment.
[close]

Also after looking at the some of the other feedback msf posted I noticed this

Quote from: mastersuperfan on August 16, 2021, 07:40:41 PM- I don't hear the G# on m25 RH beat 1.

This is correct.  There is no G# in bar 25 until beat 2.5.  I can show you another frequency spectrum if you really want, but the open fifth sound here is really clear.



Quote from: Alpacatron on November 21, 2021, 05:01:15 PMNote that I had assistance with this from the artist who arranged and recorded this track.

Try not to take this the wrong way, but I see that you're justifying a lot of things using this, and frankly from my point of view it doesn't really matter.  All that matters is the source audio, which disagrees with a bunch of the things you have written in.  I'm absolutely up for having a discussion, but having the response be 'I know the artist' every time is not very constructive.

Alpacatron

I have changed the flats/sharps in bars 6/7.
I fixed the pedal markings in bar 20 previously.
Bar 21 I prefer as is, if it has to be changed though I'll change it.
I've removed the G# in bar 25.
I've changed the notes in bar 32.
I've also changed the rolls in bars 14, and 26-32.
BFa Music (Jazz Bass)

Libera

Quote from: Alpacatron on November 22, 2021, 12:57:39 PMI fixed the pedal markings in bar 20 previously.

Sorry I didn't mean to leave that in the pile.

Quote from: Alpacatron on November 22, 2021, 12:57:39 PMI have changed the flats/sharps in bars 6/7.

This looks a lot better, great!

Everything else looks good as well now apart from bar 36.  Those last three octave notes in the right hand should definitely be an octave lower, like they are in bar 40.  The first one (the F#) is at the right height though.

Alpacatron

I forgot about that one, I've changed it, and re-uploaded all the files again.
BFa Music (Jazz Bass)

Libera


Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot