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Author Topic: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "Relaxing Café Theme" by Nacho2420  (Read 1092 times)

Zeta

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Submission Information:

Series: Paper Mario
Game: Paper Mario: The Origami King
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: Relaxing Café Theme
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Nacho2420
« Last Edit: August 25, 2021, 11:18:32 PM by Latios212 »
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nacho2420

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Latios212

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Yay this is a great one! ;D

If I recall correctly, this one isn't actually in the in-game sound test, right? Is there a source for the track title other than this video?
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nacho2420

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Unfortunately I've only seen it titled this and alt. version 2 or simply alt on YouTube, not sure what the real title is since yeah, I don't think it's in the sounds in the museum.
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Zeila

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Nice work!

Formatting
  • If you want to show pedal markings, then it would look better if you aligned them horizontally (which can be done by highlighting multiple and then right click -> align...); also I don't think there would be hooks after each one if they just directly connect to the next pedal marking
  • The tempo marking is up too high
  • You should put more space between the barlines, arpeggio/roll markings, and the chords they're attached to, and you can create space in the beginning of the measure under the measure attributes (you can right click and edit that)
  • Just a side note but the kerning in the copyright for "Systems" is odd and idk if that's just me. It almost looked like there was a space like "System s"

Notes
  • m1 RH it sounds like there's a G# on beat 1 too
  • m1 LH I'm unsure, but there might be an E and D# playing on beats 1 and 2 respectively
  • m2 RH beat 2 missing E on top; also it's hard to tell if the F# in the LH is really there
  • m6 LH beat 4 I don't think there's an Fn on the bottom
  • m7 LH missing C# on top
  • m8 RH maybe it would be better to just write a mordent here instead of putting grace notes in measure 9. It just looks a little awkward currently because it's separated from the starting note, and it feels like it should be grouped together. Putting the grace notes in measure 8 does look worse than putting them in measure 9 though, so if you'd rather keep the grace notes then that's okay
  • m9 RH beat 2 there might be an E at the bottom
  • m15-18 RH I don't think the B's in those chords are there (except for beat 3 of measure 18)
  • m18 LH beat 4 unsure but there might be an E here (higher than the previous A)
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Static

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In addition to the above:
  • I still haven't play the game (yet), so I'm not too familiar with the OST, and I know this one's not in the sound test... But with that said, I think "Relaxing Café Theme" sounds a bit better, or maybe even just simply "Café Theme" (this one seems to get a lot of results on YouTube). For tracks with no source title, it's probably best to keep things simple.
  • Maybe consider putting in "Transcribed by" rather than "Arranged by", since this is a direct transcription of a solo piano piece.
  • In jazz/swing music, that rhythm in m1/10/19 is normally written like this:

    I think it's a bit easier to parse when reading since the beat division is more clear.
  • m1: Regarding Zeila's post, I actually don't hear a G# here. Just E and D# as you have written. I also don't hear the E or D# on beat 2
  • m3 RH: I hear that 16th rhythm as more of a triplet in my head (rest-note-note).
  • m4 LH beat 3: There should be another Dn in the middle of the staff.
  • m5: This is a G#m9 chord, diatonic to E major except for the A#. You don't need to use flats here.
  • m6: Similarly, this should also be spelled with sharps (C#13 chord). Beat 2 LH is missing an A# under the B.
  • m7 RH: There shouldn't be a G# here, and that's because...
  • m7 LH: There should be a G# under the A.
  • m10 I hear a bit differently:
  • m11 RH beat 4: I don't hear the lower E here. Should just be C-G-B, with the E in the RH.
  • m12 LH beat 2: The F# should be an octave higher (right above the E).
  • Watch those ties in m16!

nacho2420

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Thanks for the feedback guys!


I decided to hide pedal markings and write con pedale in place
Tempo marking placement fixed
Changed the spacing although I don't think it did much
Systems looks fine on my end, I checked to make sure I didn't have a space before the s
I agree with Static regarding no G# in bar 1
Same with the E and D#
I don't hear an E in the RH on beat 2, D# is the top note in the melody
I do hear an Fn (corrected to an E# for enharmonic spelling)
C# added!
Mordent added!
Don't really hear the E in the bottom in the RH
Removed the B's
Don't hear an E in the LH

Title changed to Relaxing Cafe Theme
Changed arranged to transcribed
Fixed the rhythm notation
Fixed the 16th to triplet
Dn added!
Changed the G#9 and C#13 enharmonically
Moved the G#
changed m10 to what you notated
Removed the E
Moved the F# up
Used a dotted quarter to remove the ties (couldn't figure out how to adjust them to look clean anyway lol)
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Static

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Looks great, just a few extra things:
  • Grace note in m3 is missing a slur.
  • I'm not hearing the E# in m6 LH beat 4, it's just on beat 2. (also the Fn's in the RH should both be E#s)
  • m9 LH beat 2 is still missing an E under the G#
  • m11 RH: Sorry, I was unclear when I mentioned the E in the RH - there's no E (top space) on beat 4. I was referring to the high E already in the melody.
  • After listening a few more times, I actually do hear B's in those chords in 15-18. It's a bit quieter than the other notes, but the sheet sounds a bit emptier now compared with the original. Maybe someone else can take a listen too, it's a bit hard to hear.
  • Well now that you changed m16 to a dotted quarter, it looks out of place compared to m3, 14, etc. It might be better to just leave it as tied notes, and you can adjust the ties with the Tie Tool (under Special Tools). Just flip them (or drag the ends around/adjust the curve) until they're not intersecting.

nacho2420

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Fixed all! Looks much better
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Static

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For m9, I meant the LH is missing the E on beat 2 (under the G#), not the RH. You can remove the RH one. The grace note in m11 is also missing a slur

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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "Relaxing Café Theme" by Nacho2420
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2021, 08:40:35 PM »

Fixed!
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Static

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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "Relaxing Café Theme" by Nacho2420
« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2021, 11:13:44 PM »

Sorry to bug you again about it, but that E in m9 LH beat 2 should be under the LH G# (E3, middle of the staff). I'll approve this pending that change. The rest looks great!

nacho2420

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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "Relaxing Café Theme" by Nacho2420
« Reply #12 on: August 21, 2021, 09:12:53 PM »

Ahh I see lol. Fixed!
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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "Relaxing Café Theme" by Nacho2420
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2021, 12:49:58 AM »

Awesome job, this looks great! Just a few visual things:

- Include an 'and/&' before the last composer in the list
- Tempo marking still seems a bit high?
- Are measures 1 and 19 supposed to be different? In the video you provided I don't hear the grace note in m. 19. If they are supposed to be the same you could probably get rid of m. 19.
- I think the lower notes on beat 2 of m. 12 RH would be a bit nicer on the bottom staff, both in terms of neatness and what might be more natural to play.
- The roll markings in m. 13-16 are at inconsistent heights (should just extend between the topmost and bottommost noteheads) - also they could use a bit more space between the wavy line and the notes. For the ones at the beginning of the measure (13-14), you can use the measure tool to add a bit more space at the beginning of the measure (like 0.05 in) to allow more room.
- I think using a dotted quarter in m. 16 might make it look a little nicer (no huge stem to the beam for another voice), but your choice
- The 2. over the ending number is a bit offset to the right
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nacho2420

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Re: [SW] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "Relaxing Café Theme" by Nacho2420
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2021, 06:26:22 AM »

Fixed all!
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