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Cashwarrior1's Color Sheets

Started by cashwarrior1, July 26, 2021, 05:48:08 AM

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Libera

#15
On a Pale Horse

The right hand looks good.  I think all of my comments will be to do with the left hand.

-Firstly, there are lots of missing notes in the left hand.  For example, the pattern that you have written in for the first two beats of bar 11 is there in bars 3, 5-7, 9-12 etc.  In bars 4/8 etc., the left hand should have an E (above) on beat 2.  There are similarly notes missing in bar 16.
-The beaming of the left hand in a few places is not really ideal.  Beaming three quavers together is generally a bad idea in simple times, unless you're emphasising a hemiola or distinguishing a part.  Here, I think you've done it to try and beam as much as you can together to fit with the beaming in the RH, but I think it makes the left hand a lot harder to read.  Here's a picture with my recommendations:
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It might also be little more readable if you used crotchets (quarters) for notes that land on the beat.  It would decrease the number of rests which would aid readability, but I'll leave it up to you.
-The url/copyright isn't quite aligned to the bottom margin.
-The tie in bar 43 is colliding with the first layer note.  Adjust it downwards to avoid this.
-The notes used in the left hand in bar 47 feel kind of arbitrary to me.  Why is it a single note on beat 2?  The pattern doesn't match up with the right hand either and I don't really hear anything this clear cut in the original.  It's probably worth standardising the end a bit to make it a little more sane.
-I'd recommend adjusting the layer 1 notes on beat 1 in bars 42/44 so that they don't intersect layer 2.  At least it'd be a good idea to make the augmentation dots line up vertically.

Generally speaking, nice sheet.

cashwarrior1

Quote from: Libera on September 29, 2021, 01:58:47 PM-Firstly, there are lots of missing notes in the left hand.  For example, the pattern that you have written in for the first two beats of bar 11 is there in bars 3, 5-7, 9-12 etc.  In bars 4/8 etc., the left hand should have an E (above) on beat 2.  There are similarly notes missing in bar 16.
The upper lh notes in 3, 5-7, 9-12 I had left out since the rh already plays those notes. I figured the player should just not worry about them since it's already in the rh. I did add the E in spots like measure 5 where the rh is playing the F above.

Quote from: Libera on September 29, 2021, 01:58:47 PMIt might also be little more readable if you used crotchets (quarters) for notes that land on the beat.  It would decrease the number of rests which would aid readability, but I'll leave it up to you.
I find it easier with the rests, my brain sees constant eighth notes and divides it up that way I guess? Though, if you think the general population would prefer quarter notes, I can make that change.

Quote from: Libera on September 29, 2021, 01:58:47 PM-The notes used in the left hand in bar 47 feel kind of arbitrary to me.  Why is it a single note on beat 2?  The pattern doesn't match up with the right hand either and I don't really hear anything this clear cut in the original.  It's probably worth standardising the end a bit to make it a little more sane.
I was probably thinking "oh I wanna dramatize this build up by emphasizing the accents" and so figured to make that happen I had to remove notes and blah blah. Definitely easier to just be one thing the entire time lol.

Updated.

Libera

Sorry, I should have said what the missing notes in bar 6 were.  You're still missing Es on beat 4 and 5 (about the current Bs).

If you wanted to standardise the beaming across the whole sheet (which it looks like you do) you should adjust the beaming of the RH in bar 46.

Everything else looks good.

cashwarrior1

Updated
Quote from: Libera on September 30, 2021, 02:31:54 AMSorry, I should have said what the missing notes in bar 6 were.  You're still missing Es on beat 4 and 5 (about the current Bs).
I think I understand what you mean now. Though I did keep the B in beat 4 because that one I hear.

Updated.

Libera

Oh whoops I really messed up my last post with typos.

Quote from: Libera on September 30, 2021, 02:31:54 AMSorry, I should have said what the missing notes in bar 6 16 were.  You're still missing Es on beat 4 and 5 (about above the current Bs).

Bar 6 was fine, you can change it back to what you had before.  Apologies.

cashwarrior1


Libera