This looks really clean and readable, so I'm gonna get right into the finer details here:
- With regards to the page count and spacing, obviously it'd be nice to have less pages, but I think it's a bit more important to have your music look readable and clear - even if that means adding some pages. With that said, if you use a mixture of 3- and 2-measure systems, you can perfectly fit this on 9 pages without it looking too cramped. Up to you though.
- m13/45/81/113: All the other parts you included for the other measures happen to have all the notes of each respective chord. But m13/etc. is Fm9, the most important note of which is Ab (the minor 3rd). As it is now, the chord sounds tonally ambiguous, it could be major or minor. I would suggest moving the lower RH voice from C to Ab to remedy this.
- That natural sign in m32/36 LH is pretty close to the barline, but it should fix itself if you just click on the note.
- You can move the
mp in m33 down, it's a bit close to the tie.
- "Grace Notes Second Time Only" doesn't need to have every word capitalized, only "Grace" needs to be (or just leave it all lowercase).
- The F in the melody in m53 sounds like it's restruck quickly. You can indicate this with an unslurred grace note:

- m63-64 RH: To better show the resolution from Bbsus4 to Bb, I would make the whole note in Layer 2 of m63 Eb instead of F
- m117-124, 133-140: Those RH whole notes sound more like G's all the way through
- m129: This RH whole note sounds like F instead of Eb
- For the 32nd note section, when you have those big ties, I would generally try to avoid having them go through the beams if you can. They kinda get lost in there and it looks a bit messy. Ideally they should just cut through the stems of the 32nd notes.
- Generally, there's a fair amount more space at the bottom of each page compared to the top. That 3rd Layer half note in m60 for example is really close to the text above it. I would increase the top margin of each of the top systems to around 0.35.
- Instead of
pppp or
ppp,
n (niente, literally "nothing" dynamic) might be more appropriate. Niente isn't a default dynamic, so you have to go to the Expression Selection menu > Dynamics > Create Dynamic... > Set font as Maestro > go to Text (at the very top of the box) > Inserts > Symbol... > scroll to #150 (
n) > click OK. Playback doesn't automatically work for these, so just hide the
pppp dynamics.