[MUL] Shovel Knight: Plague of Shadows - "Le Bouquet Magique" by Zeila

Started by Zeta, May 31, 2021, 03:20:58 PM

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Bloop

Quote from: Zeila on December 03, 2021, 07:16:57 PMIt's certainly a struggle ;-; . How's this?
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That works great imo! For the last 4 'beats' you could also do something like this if you feel like it, but I'm totally fine if you wanna keep it as is:
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Quote from: Zeila on December 03, 2021, 07:16:57 PMI ended up modifying that section up until the fermata. I kept measure 112 (110 now after the cadenza change) the same since I feel like the triplet motion is more pronounced. Then I wrote out the RH in m111(109) as a triplet in 2/4 time since the pulse sounds the same between those two measures, and then I wrote measures 114-119(112-117) in 2/4 so that the G natural starts on beat 1
That works too I think! I guess the most important thing to me was that the four notes in m109-110 (2nd in m109 and first 3 in m110) were the same length. I'm not too sure about the change in m112-113 though, because I do feel it in a 3/4-kinda way (qE--8thF# qG | qF# qE qD) like you had before I think. However, it's very weirdly timed too, that even the violinist and pianist couldn't agree on it, so I'm not 100% sure either way lol.

All other changes or not-changes look fine too! Up to the second half...
-m8: this is not the second half, but I just noticed the hairpin continuation should start a little bit more to the right (at the start of the first note or just a little bit before)
-m121 and 123: I think beat 2 and 3 in the L.H. are the same as A#-C#-E-F# chords
-m124-125: I hear something like this in the L.H.:
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I think this makes it a bit more clear how that middle octave is moving (I believe I hear it as an octave on beat 2 of m124 too), while the B-D# dyad just plays once (also in m124)
-m133: I hear a low F# on beat 1 here in the L.H., though the chord is not rolled. The player probably had big hands lol.
-m134: I don't hear the upper F#'s on beat 2 and 2.5 here
-m136: I also don't hear the middle B on beat 1
-m137: I also also don't hear the G# on beats 2 and 3
-m143: The L.H. note on beat 3 should be an octave B (an octave below the one on beat 2)
-m157: I believe the L.H. here is also an octave lower, as well as just a dotted half.
-m160: You can add the mordent on beat 1 here too
-m163: Good news, I can hear the Fx on beat 2.25, so the pattern is completed :D
-m166: I believe the L.H. note on beat 2 is an octave E, and beat 2 and 3 are an octave lower.
-m167: I hear a G# below the B on beat 3.5 in the R.H. too
-m173: I believe there's not a B on beat 3 in the L.H. here. You might wanna consider if the B in the R.H. is actually the delayed B in the L.H.
-m175: I'm not sure if the second beat is really rolled, as it's not as pronounced as other rolls.
-m189: I think the low G# can go in a second layer as a whole note, I can hear it in beat 3 and 4 still.
-m192: I think you can use forte as dynamic marking here, it's not necessarily loud in the total picture, but you can hear how much attack the pianist uses on the high note.
-One last suggestion which you could think about are the dynamics: you have everything very clearly written out, but with a few exceptions, almost the entire piece shifts between just piano and forte. Maybe by stretching out those extremes to ff and pp (or even fff and ppp), you can give some parts some more personality.

I think/hope that's it for all the detailed stuff! I'm still blown away by some of the things that happen in this sheet haha, again, nice job!

Zeila

Quote from: Bloop on December 08, 2021, 05:00:44 AMThat works great imo! For the last 4 'beats' you could also do something like this if you feel like it, but I'm totally fine if you wanna keep it as is:
Quote from: Bloop on December 08, 2021, 05:00:44 AMThat works too I think! I guess the most important thing to me was that the four notes in m109-110 (2nd in m109 and first 3 in m110) were the same length. I'm not too sure about the change in m112-113 though, because I do feel it in a 3/4-kinda way (qE--8thF# qG | qF# qE qD) like you had before I think. However, it's very weirdly timed too, that even the violinist and pianist couldn't agree on it, so I'm not 100% sure either way lol.
Okay, I'll just keep these the same then

Quote from: Bloop on December 08, 2021, 05:00:44 AM-m124-125: I hear something like this in the L.H.:
I think this makes it a bit more clear how that middle octave is moving (I believe I hear it as an octave on beat 2 of m124 too), while the B-D# dyad just plays once (also in m124)
I still hear the middle part rearticulated (as well as the F# on beat 2 of m124), but I added an A# there. After listening to it again, I think it also plays twice in measure 125 too

Quote from: Bloop on December 08, 2021, 05:00:44 AM-m133: I hear a low F# on beat 1 here in the L.H., though the chord is not rolled. The player probably had big hands lol.
Yeah that's an awkward stretch for sure, and I guess anyone who can't play that (myself included) could either roll the whole thing or omit the F# so I added it

Quote from: Bloop on December 08, 2021, 05:00:44 AM-m137: I also also don't hear the G# on beats 2 and 3
It sounds like there's an E playing instead of a G# on beat 3, but yeah there's nothing on beat 2

Quote from: Bloop on December 08, 2021, 05:00:44 AM-One last suggestion which you could think about are the dynamics: you have everything very clearly written out, but with a few exceptions, almost the entire piece shifts between just piano and forte. Maybe by stretching out those extremes to ff and pp (or even fff and ppp), you can give some parts some more personality.
I decided to replace p with pp in m9/58/117, ff instead of f in m68, fff instead of ff in m150, and p instead of mp in m157

Quote from: Bloop on December 08, 2021, 05:00:44 AM-m8: this is not the second half, but I just noticed the hairpin continuation should start a little bit more to the right (at the start of the first note or just a little bit before)
-m121 and 123: I think beat 2 and 3 in the L.H. are the same as A#-C#-E-F# chords
-m134: I don't hear the upper F#'s on beat 2 and 2.5 here
-m136: I also don't hear the middle B on beat 1
-m143: The L.H. note on beat 3 should be an octave B (an octave below the one on beat 2)
-m157: I believe the L.H. here is also an octave lower, as well as just a dotted half.
-m160: You can add the mordent on beat 1 here too
-m163: Good news, I can hear the Fx on beat 2.25, so the pattern is completed :D
-m166: I believe the L.H. note on beat 2 is an octave E, and beat 2 and 3 are an octave lower.
-m167: I hear a G# below the B on beat 3.5 in the R.H. too
-m173: I believe there's not a B on beat 3 in the L.H. here. You might wanna consider if the B in the R.H. is actually the delayed B in the L.H.
-m175: I'm not sure if the second beat is really rolled, as it's not as pronounced as other rolls.
-m189: I think the low G# can go in a second layer as a whole note, I can hear it in beat 3 and 4 still.
-m192: I think you can use forte as dynamic marking here, it's not necessarily loud in the total picture, but you can hear how much attack the pianist uses on the high note.

I think/hope that's it for all the detailed stuff! I'm still blown away by some of the things that happen in this sheet haha, again, nice job!
Done, and thank you! Other than that, I also got rid of the staccato on beat 3 of measure 135

Bloop

Awesome! I agree with all extra changes too! (I'm still doubting a bit about m124-125, but it doesn't matter that much in the whole picture, so I'll go with your ears ^^)

That allows me to give this a big accept! Once again, great job on this one, you're allowed to be proud :D You cannot view this attachment.

Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Bloop.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot