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[Zeila]

[PC] Deltarune

Attack of the Killer Queen - [MUS] | [MUSX]

- m9-16 I put some extra chord tones from different instruments (one being the harpsichord and another idk) alongside the bass. I also kept it as staccato eighth notes throughout m15/16 to keep the driving feel
- m16 idk if the F is re-articulated or tied, but I went with the former for now

[cashwarrior1]

oh is this the one Lena helped out on?

Only thing I notice is in measure 42, the second layer rh note on beat 2 has a Bb who's flat symbol runs into the first layer note. Maybe moving that first layer note back would help.

Also these accidentals hurt my brain (there are chords that have both flats and sharps in them and are spelt correct o.O)

[Zeila]

oh is this the one Lena helped out on?

Only thing I notice is in measure 42, the second layer rh note on beat 2 has a Bb who's flat symbol runs into the first layer note. Maybe moving that first layer note back would help.

It is! Alongside Marcy Nabors who apparently composed for Homestuck. Anyways, thanks for looking it over! I fixed that and also decided to get rid of the glissando in measure 18

Also these accidentals hurt my brain (there are chords that have both flats and sharps in them and are spelt correct o.O)

They hurt my brain too

[Kricketune54]

Intense! I guess I never thought of this as halloween-esque, but I can really hear how it fits the theme.

-m8 I like how you chose to play with the octaves here and clearly defined which voices are in the LH and RH, as well as prioritizing the "melody notes". It gives the chord some different flavor than the original (without the B and D being above the A moving to G#), but I think it works well
-For that same measure, move the cresc. a tiny bit lower so it's centered.  Maybe I'm wrong though if it was put this way to line up with the mf in the next measure (and system)
-m15-16, I agree with your decision to keep it moving here.  However, I think it wouldn't hurt to try and replicate the feeling of the original here with some accents.  Maybe an accent on beat 1 of both these measures in the LH?  Or a tenuto maybe would be better.
-m41, man playback in Finale doesn't like that haha.  I tried it on my own keyboard though and I like how you represented the sort of bend up to the G and F#'s here
-m72 There is a lower octave to the notes being played here beats 2-4. Maybe make it in the LH, but down an octave from the original so it lines up with your LH ending notes?  It just sounds a little empty currently here.

[Zeila]

Intense! I guess I never thought of this as halloween-esque, but I can really hear how it fits the theme.

It's mostly the name and setting really

-m15-16, I agree with your decision to keep it moving here.  However, I think it wouldn't hurt to try and replicate the feeling of the original here with some accents.  Maybe an accent on beat 1 of both these measures in the LH?  Or a tenuto maybe would be better.

I ended up replacing those staccatos with tenutos, thanks for the suggestion!

-m41, man playback in Finale doesn't like that haha.  I tried it on my own keyboard though and I like how you represented the sort of bend up to the G and F#'s here

Yeah grace note playback can be messy, especially when they're the start of an 8va

I implemented the rest, thanks for checking! c:

[Latios212]

Pitch corrected version for my own sanity and anyone else who wants it to check (thanks Gav) - https://www.dropbox.com/s/exse1prc6rx0wxz/Attack_of_the_Killer_Queen_pitch_corrected.mp3?dl=0

Cool piece! Here's some feedback:
- I am personally a fan of performance directions that reference something in game, but this makes no sense outside of context and doesn't really hint at anything musically either. Any chance we could change it to something that makes more... sense?
- m. 6 beat 1 is a F major chord, so that D shouldn't be there (could be a C instead)
- For m. 17-18 I think it would look nicer if you hid the half rests and flipped beat 1-2 down in the RH. That said, if you really want to indicate that layer 2 if a voice separate from the lower notes of the dyads, that's fine to keep
- Any reason you have the slide on beat 1.5 written in m. 25 and 29 but not 26, 33-34, and 57-58?
- Spelling is inconsistent in the second half of m. 31 and 38. I think using F#/G# instead of Gb/Ab would be better since it resolves to A in the next measure. Measure 63 too
- m. 47-48 LH would likely be easier to read in bass clef (arguably this whole section from 41 actually)
- m. 53 beat 3 should use sharps instead of flats (D#/F# chromatically neighbor the other chord, as well as make more sense over a B bass). Actually this is making me rethink the spellings for the previous couple of systems where this melodic figure appears... not sure but I think it would make sense to change the spellings for this measure at least
- Courtesy En might be good in m. 70 beat 4
- I feel like the LH chords in m. 71 want the fifth to be written in to convey the forcefulness of the ff there. Is the C in the right hand correct? It doesn't sound quite right, at least I think this measure is E7sus4
- The last three LH notes in m. 72 are an octave higher in the original - it also leads into the loop better that way

[Zeila]

Cool piece! Here's some feedback:
- I am personally a fan of performance directions that reference something in game, but this makes no sense outside of context and doesn't really hint at anything musically either. Any chance we could change it to something that makes more... sense?

That's fair. It was just the first notable reference I thought of. I'm drawing a blank for other potential references right now so I'll remove it, and if I (or someone else) can think of something in the meantime then I'll add it in during the next check edit: okay nvm I decided to look up some of her dialogue outside of battle, and maybe [ Preference Settings Set To "Allegro" ] could work, unless the mix of English and Italian is too strange or the phrasing is off in general. I still have a blank tempo in the uploaded file so I'll only add it in if others also think it could fit. The original line is "Understood, Preference Settings Set To Perish"

- m. 6 beat 1 is a F major chord, so that D shouldn't be there (could be a C instead)

(assuming you're talking about measure 7) I still hear a high D in the harpsichord, and I just lowered it to be below the melody. If someone else also disagrees then I can change it

- Any reason you have the slide on beat 1.5 written in m. 25 and 29 but not 26, 33-34, and 57-58?

my mind works in mysterious ways It seems like the slide in measure 26 is just slightly more delayed than 25/29, and then the rest were because I thought it might be awkward to do a slide into a chord. After some more testing it really isn't that bad provided that the middle notes are removed (which are only chord fillers anyways), so I made them all the same now

- Spelling is inconsistent in the second half of m. 31 and 38. I think using F#/G# instead of Gb/Ab would be better since it resolves to A in the next measure. Measure 63 too

Yeah I wasn't sure what to go with because of the Bb7 (or just Bb) chord that appears in measure 64 alongside some other spots with that figure, but you're right that it would fit better with the melody so they've all been changed

- m. 47-48 LH would likely be easier to read in bass clef (arguably this whole section from 41 actually)

I decided to go with the whole section as bass clef to keep it all the same

- I feel like the LH chords in m. 71 want the fifth to be written in to convey the forcefulness of the ff there. Is the C in the right hand correct? It doesn't sound quite right, at least I think this measure is E7sus4

I added the fifth in the LH, but I'm still hearing the C as part of the harmony for the melody

- The last three LH notes in m. 72 are an octave higher in the original - it also leads into the loop better that way

I thought it might fit more below an octave since there's already an E at the bottom, but now I raised it (and added an E on top of beat 1)

- For m. 17-18 I think it would look nicer if you hid the half rests and flipped beat 1-2 down in the RH. That said, if you really want to indicate that layer 2 if a voice separate from the lower notes of the dyads, that's fine to keep
- m. 53 beat 3 should use sharps instead of flats (D#/F# chromatically neighbor the other chord, as well as make more sense over a B bass). Actually this is making me rethink the spellings for the previous couple of systems where this melodic figure appears... not sure but I think it would make sense to change the spellings for this measure at least
- Courtesy En might be good in m. 70 beat 4

These have been changed, thanks! I also just noticed that the beam between beats 1 and 2 of measure 70 was split because of the grace note, so I merged them back together

[Latios212]

(assuming you're talking about measure 7) I still hear a high D in the harpsichord, and I just lowered it to be below the melody. If someone else also disagrees then I can change it

Ah I hear what you're going for now. Yeah that's fine!

I'm still not too sure about the C in m. 71 but everything else looks fine to me. I'll approve and perhaps whoever checks next can also offer any help with the performance direction/tempo text as I don't have a super strong preference for your proposition above or just leaving it blank.

[Static]

This looks really good, not too much to add here

• consider using an oxford comma for the composer list OK now for real feedback:
• m16 LH beats 1-2: Consider changing the top note to A instead, to show the suspension to G#. It fits with the chord (B7b5, aka B half diminished 7th), and F is already doubled in the RH.
• m17 RH: The 2nd Layer is different here than in m18. I'm hearing this:
  
• m17-18 RH: The lower voice in Layer 1 can be tied into beat 3 in Layer 2. It won't sound right in playback, but I think it would be more appropriate than a 16th rest since that note is held with the top one.
• m25 RH and similar: These are Dm7 chords, so moving the RH D to C might be nice here. Actually it looks like you already did this for all the other measures like it, but m25 still has a D.
• m28 LH beat 3.25: Flip the staccato down here since the rest is hidden.
• m30/62 RH beats 1-2: Some accents might be appropriate here.
• m41/45 RH: Those slides/grace notes sound like they start one semitone lower than what you have. Also, maybe adjust the curve on the first pair in each of these measures, it should have a more flat contour like the ones on beat 3.
• m66 RH: Ab should be G# (AmM7 chord)
• m71 RH: Up to you, but I think dotted 8th rests usually look better in these places.

• Yeah I wasn't sure what to go with because of the Bb7 (or just Bb) chord that appears in measure 64 alongside some other spots with that figure, but you're right that it would fit better with the melody so they've all been changed
  

  There's a bit of theory that applies here; these chords are functioning as augmented 6th chords (specifically Ger+6), but going to the root instead of the dominant.
  In jazz theory, these are just called tritone substitutions (E7 and Bb7 share the same tritone, G#/Ab and D, and their roots are a tritone apart), so they both can function interchangeably. This also means the spelling is interchangeable too. In a lead sheet you'd just see this written as Bb7, but G# would likely be used because of the melodic context.
  Note that if there were an E here in addition to the other four notes (Bb, D, F, G#), it would be an E7(b9,b5) chord instead. But either way, G# is preferred here.

• m. 53 beat 3 should use sharps instead of flats (D#/F# chromatically neighbor the other chord, as well as make more sense over a B bass). Actually this is making me rethink the spellings for the previous couple of systems where this melodic figure appears... not sure but I think it would make sense to change the spellings for this measure at least

  Like with the above point, the spellings are interchangeable here. A-D#-F# forms an Adim chord or an inverted D#dim chord. This is a secondary dominant of both E7 and Bb7. I would go with how each note resolves. In m41, 45, and 49, the Eb moves to D and the Gb to F. In m53, the D# moves to E and the F# to G. The additional notes in the bass can be interpreted as passing tones in m49, but the B is part of the chord in m53. You could interpret it differently, but I think this is the simplest approach.

[Zeila]

This looks really good, not too much to add here
consider using an oxford comma for the composer list OK now for real feedback:

Thanks! I usually put oxford commas in general, but I just think it looks weird with the '&' symbol

m17-18 RH: The lower voice in Layer 1 can be tied into beat 3 in Layer 2. It won't sound right in playback, but I think it would be more appropriate than a 16th rest since that note is held with the top one.

It will (sort of) if you mess with layer expression settings

m25 RH and similar: These are Dm7 chords, so moving the RH D to C might be nice here. Actually it looks like you already did this for all the other measures like it, but m25 still has a D.

I left the D there because it seemed more prevalent and I wasn't sure if there was a C playing there explicitly, but it's been changed

m28 LH beat 3.25: Flip the staccato down here since the rest is hidden.

This is another thing I need to look out for because it's already on the notehead side in my sheet. I think Finale v26 automatically changes the articulation positions when other layer rests are hidden, and I guess 2014 doesn't do that so the auto/default position is different

m30/62 RH beats 1-2: Some accents might be appropriate here.

Good suggestion, I went with beats 1 and 2.5 on those measures as well as m38

• There's a bit of theory that applies here; these chords are functioning as augmented 6th chords (specifically Ger+6), but going to the root instead of the dominant.
  In jazz theory, these are just called tritone substitutions (E7 and Bb7 share the same tritone, G#/Ab and D, and their roots are a tritone apart), so they both can function interchangeably. This also means the spelling is interchangeable too. In a lead sheet you'd just see this written as Bb7, but G# would likely be used because of the melodic context.
  Note that if there were an E here in addition to the other four notes (Bb, D, F, G#), it would be an E7(b9,b5) chord instead. But either way, G# is preferred here.
• Like with the above point, the spellings are interchangeable here. A-D#-F# forms an Adim chord or an inverted D#dim chord. This is a secondary dominant of both E7 and Bb7. I would go with how each note resolves. In m41, 45, and 49, the Eb moves to D and the Gb to F. In m53, the D# moves to E and the F# to G. The additional notes in the bass can be interpreted as passing tones in m49, but the B is part of the chord in m53. You could interpret it differently, but I think this is the simplest approach.

Thank you for the explanation!

m16 LH beats 1-2: Consider changing the top note to A instead, to show the suspension to G#. It fits with the chord (B7b5, aka B half diminished 7th), and F is already doubled in the RH.
m17 RH: The 2nd Layer is different here than in m18. I'm hearing this:
~snip~
m41/45 RH: Those slides/grace notes sound like they start one semitone lower than what you have. Also, maybe adjust the curve on the first pair in each of these measures, it should have a more flat contour like the ones on beat 3.
m66 RH: Ab should be G# (AmM7 chord)
m71 RH: Up to you, but I think dotted 8th rests usually look better in these places.

Fixed, thanks! And about the tempo marking, I ended up going with Jake's suggestion of "Just Play Fast Lmao"

[Static]

m16 LH beats 1-2: Consider changing the top note to A instead, to show the suspension to G#. It fits with the chord (B7b5, aka B half diminished 7th), and F is already doubled in the RH.

Sorry, I meant just Dm here; the D bass you had before was correct.

The rest of the changes look good, though for the grace notes starting at m41, maybe add an additional one in the middle. It kind of sounds weird when there's a larger interval there, since it's supposed to mimic a short slide/gliss. Up to you though.

[Zeila]

Sorry, I meant just Dm here; the D bass you had before was correct.

I only had a D bass for m11/12 since it sounds like there's an additional B in both m15/16. I do admit that it sounds a little off without the third, so I modified those two measures such that the B is a half note for beats 1-2 and there's an additional D playing alongside the A's in measure 16

The rest of the changes look good, though for the grace notes starting at m41, maybe add an additional one in the middle. It kind of sounds weird when there's a larger interval there, since it's supposed to mimic a short slide/gliss. Up to you though.

I thought it might be too awkward to play, but I tried it again today and I think it's doable so I added an F and E to those

[Static]

I only had a D bass for m11/12 since it sounds like there's an additional B in both m15/16. I do admit that it sounds a little off without the third, so I modified those two measures such that the B is a half note for beats 1-2 and there's an additional D playing alongside the A's in measure 16

Oh wait I see now. Yeah, what you have is fine. I guess listening a third time, just having it as you had before (all B 8th notes) would work too.

We discussed this over discord, and the file has been changed accordingly, so I'll accept now