[DELETED] [NDS] Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow - "Cursed Clocktower" (Replacement) by Atcero

Started by Zeta, October 16, 2021, 11:47:12 AM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Castlevania
Game: Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Cursed Clocktower
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Atcero


Replacement Information:

Links to Existing Sheet: MUS | MIDI | PDF
Replacement Type: Challenge (new arranger)

Libera


Atcero

Thank ya! Hopefully people should be able to see the mus. I don't see a reason in posting musx atm since no can one use them
Quote from: Dudeman"When Atcero and Dudeman are busy whooping Maelstrom's ass, Alfonzo mans the Spirit Train."

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Libera

Sorry for the wait.  Here is some feedback.  If it's too much to go through at once, feel free to respond to it in parts.  I've also broken up the feedback into a bunch of sections which may help with readability.

General arrangement comments:

-So I think that overall there are some issues with choices for harmony and use of octaves.  I initially pointed this out each time I noticed in the RH section below, but eventually there was too much stuff to point out and I don't think it would really be all that helpful for me to be that specific about it, so I stopped at the key change to C minor (bar 44).  From here on there are lots of places where the harmony is applied inconsistently or not at all (i.e. octave doubling in bars 45-48).  I'd recommend having another listen to the harmony and try to pick notes that fill out the chords better.  It's not really about adding more notes in, but picking the right notes to establish the chords properly.  The arrangement will sound a lot fuller and more consistent if you make the chords clearer to the listener.  I can give more guidance if needed but I think it'd be good practice for you to have an attempt at it first.
-Related to this is the harmony in bars 53-57.  I think this would sound a lot cleaner if you moved the harmony from the left hand and put it below the melody in the RH.  Some of these chords in the left hand sound pretty muddy and I think the effect will be better if you leave the left hand as just the bass part (in octaves is fine).
-67-74 is missing a lot of texture and harmony (the original sounds much thicker than this).  Again I would have another listen and see if you can work out any of the notes that you are missing here (and just generally try to thicken the arrangement up).  Of course if you need more guidance on this let me know.



Accidentals/spellings:

Bar 3: Fn -> E#
Bar 22: Bb -> A#
Bar 28: Bb - A#
Bar 29: Fn -> E#
Bar 38: Fn -> E#
Bar 50: Gb -> F#
Bar 52: Ab -> G# (all of them)
Bar 58: Db -> C#
Bar 59: Key signature should be Dm (1 flat).
Bar 74: Bb -> A#

If you have any questions about why a spelling should be a certain way, I'm happy to elaborate.



Here are some more specific comments broken up by LH/RH.  You can find some specific comments about the harmony stuff I mentioned above in the RH section, up to the key change in 44.

Left hand:

-In bar 27 the bass moves up an octave, rather than in bar 29.  (i.e. the left hand in bars 27-28 should be an octave higher.)
-In bar 37 the last note should be an En.
-In bar 38 the first D should be a C# and the second should be a E#.
-Bar 39 sounds completely different to what you wrote in.  It's like the pattern in bar 1 bass pattern but a fifth up.
-The last four notes of bar 46 should be Fs (a third lower).
-In bar 48 the first five notes should be Dbs and the last four Cs.
-In bar 63 the Gs should be Es.

Right hand:

-There are two string voices in the first four bars.  The other one plays F# -> B -> B -> B below what you have.  You can write those in as dyads.
-The bell in bars 2/4 sounds like a B to me, not an F#.  You could also tie over the strings into bars 2/4 to make the voicing clearer.
-I think bar 6 should look more like bar 10 i.e. no octaves and no A on beat 3 since I don't hear that in the original (the string part stays on a C#).
-The string goes to an A# in bar 8 beat 3, not an F#.  I'd also recommend removing the octaves there just because just for consistency.
-The string voice in bars 11-12 sounds like G-> A -> B -> A, not B -> C# -> D -> A.  There is another (quieter) string that goes B -> C# -> D -> C# an octave lower than you wrote in.  I guess you can do both if you want to.
-A lot of the harmony you take in bars 19-22 is doubling the bass or the melody or both of them.  There are probably better choices to give a fuller sound from the original than these.  For example, you can use a B rather than an E in bar 19, a G# rather than than a C# in bar 21, a D rather than a B in bar 22 (those last two move to E#s and C#s respectively in the second half of their bars).
-The G# in bar 21 should probably be written as quarter rather than two tied eighths.
-It's a bit weird having the second layer appear to play a single note from one part in bar 21.  I'd either remove it in favour of the E# on beat 3 and just leave it as that, or write in the G# on beat 3 of the same part (also in the second layer) so it's clear where that B comes from.
-Similarly a D would probably sound nicer in bar 23 than another B.
-Again, in a similar vein I think it'd be better to have more harmony in bar 24 rather than octaves.  There are other options to take from the original.
-Again the tied B in bar 25 should be a crotchet.
-In bar 26-27 I think we could try to be a bit clearer about what is happening to the melody here since it's getting obscured a little.
-In bar 38 I think it'd be cool to get the D -> E# movement on beat 3.
-I think you should add the A# from the harp in the chord in bar 39.
-The chords in bars 40-43 sound a little different to me:
You cannot view this attachment.
-The second layer in bars 49/51 looks kind of awkward to play.  Maybe you could just raise it an octave?  Or just the first two notes?
-The second second layer note in bar 51 sounds like a G (which matches with 49).
-I think you should make it clear that the little run in bar 57 is not part of the melody.
-Missing an E on beat 4.5 of bar 60.



Other miscellaneous stuff:

-There are no dynamics anywhere other than the start.  I feel like there a few places you could use them, like in bars 56-58, but maybe you can think of others.
-The bars get very squished on page 3.  It's probably worth decreasing the bars per system in 52+ to give a little more room to breathe.
-Given that you didn't use an 8va in in bar 56, I don't think either of the places you used an 8va on page 3 are really necessary and it makes reading some of the phrases a little tricky, so I'd suggest removing them.
-The second layer rests in bars 49/51 can be at the usual position.  Same for bar 62.
-You may want to rewrite the half rests in bars 68/70 as two quarter rests.
-Since I'm here I might as well say that the D.S. might looker neater a little higher up.
-I'd recommend a double barline just before the segno in bar 5.



Hopefully that is helpful.  Let me know if you have any questions.

Atcero

In light of finals being finals, i'll resubmit after ive worked on this stuff and not stressed about tests. Thank ya Libera!
Quote from: Dudeman"When Atcero and Dudeman are busy whooping Maelstrom's ass, Alfonzo mans the Spirit Train."

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