[Wii] Xenoblade Chronicles - "Prison Island" by JZ

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Xeno
Game: Xenoblade Chronicles
Console: Wii
Title: Prison Island
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: JZ

[attachment deleted by admin]

[attachment deleted by admin]

[MomoQca]

[Kricketune54]

Foreboding 


-8vb's should not clash within ties or come too close to the system below.  I would move the second system (m.5-8) down a bit so the 8vb under m.1-4 isn't too close, and then move the system of m.9-12 down so the 8vb for m.5-8 isn't going through the tie on those measures.
-m.12 The whole notes from m.11 actually don't tie over to beat 1- delete that and put a quarter rest here
-m.13 Center the forte under the RH beat 1, and center it between the staffs as well
-Move the bracket at the end of the m.25-28 8va so that it's closer to the last quarter of m.25.  Please see the below image for a reference:

Spoiler

[close]

-m.25-32 was kind of wondering about the decision to make these RH parts as high as they are.  Given the LH, they don't seem like they would clash notewise.  To me, putting the RH up two whole octaves from the original for m.25-28 sounds a little too high pitched this way but perhaps others will way in... I can see how maybe this was done so it sounds more climatic than m.17
-m.33-36 consider putting a slur over the RH here?
-m.37-38 I hear a Db instead of an Fn in the RH whole notes here, as well as a Bb on top of this chord.  Here's what I hear:

Spoiler

[close]

-m.39 center the mp dynamic the same way as mentioned for m.13 (before I forget, do the same for the mp on m.1 as well as m.5's mf)

[MomoQca]

Thank you for your review!

-8vb's should not clash within ties or come too close to the system below.  I would move the second system (m.5-8) down a bit so the 8vb under m.1-4 isn't too close, and then move the system of m.9-12 down so the 8vb for m.5-8 isn't going through the tie on those measures.

Done. However, the last system on the first page is too close to the url link on the bottom of the page. Should I move this system to page 2? I've tried, but it messed up the page formatting for the next few pages.

-Move the bracket at the end of the m.25-28 8va so that it's closer to the last quarter of m.25.  Please see the below image for a reference:

Spoiler

[close]

Oof. I meant to put 8vb for the left hand instead of 8va. I regrettably rushed through this arrangement for the Halloween sheet project.

-m.25-32 was kind of wondering about the decision to make these RH parts as high as they are.  Given the LH, they don't seem like they would clash notewise.  To me, putting the RH up two whole octaves from the original for m.25-28 sounds a little too high pitched this way but perhaps others will way in... I can see how maybe this was done so it sounds more climatic than m.17

You're right about it being high pitched. I made the entire section (with the exception of the chords between beats 2-4 in m.28) an octave lower.

Everything else has been fixed.

[Kricketune54]

Thank you for your review!
Done. However, the last system on the first page is too close to the url link on the bottom of the page. Should I move this system to page 2? I've tried, but it messed up the page formatting for the next few pages.

Yeah I'd move to that last system on page 1 to page 2.  You have a lot of space left on page 3 so giving everything more breathing room throughout the arrangement works out fine 

[MomoQca]

Is there a guide somewhere on how to do that? I think there was a PowerPoint presentation on it, but I can't find it. I keep messing up the margins. :S

[MomoQca]

Never mind. I think I got it. I moved a couple systems from pages 1 & 2 to the next pages respectively.

[Latios212]

Hey, sorry for the wait - this is really nice! Definitely appreciating this track now that I'm looking/listening since it never quite caught my attention in game... it's fantastic. And the way there are a bunch of musical parallels with Eryth Sea... it's perfect thematically

A few things about the arrangement itself:
- I'm not too sure about keeping the 8vb under m. 17-24. Moving the ostinato an octave down from m. 13-16 is a sudden jump in sound, and with pedal the ostinato becomes pretty muddy-sounding that low. I think it would sound fine without the 8vb and if you think you need a heavier sound since you're missing out on the lowest Bb's, you could add in the fifth similar to m. 9. (Not having the 8vb here would also make the transition to m. 25 smoother.)
- Accordingly, if you remove the 8vb as suggested above, the Ab bass notes in m. 23 could be lowered down an octave to match the rest of the voice instead of being so close to the ostinato.
- I would suggest not using full octave chords for m. 28 beats 3-4. It's a secondary voice playing a countermelody (like in m. 20) and the performer should know not to emphasize it as much as the melody.
- m. 33-36 in the original is characterized by the complete lack of a driving rhythm that's present elsewhere - a break, and I think the arrangement should reflect that too. How would you feel about just one chord strike for m. 33-34 and another for m. 35-36? (The bass changes to Ab from Gb in m. 35 by the way)

Other small things:
- You could just use a dotted half note instead of quarter-tied-half in m. 6/10
- m. 30 RH - I think that An in the beat 2 chord should be Ab?
- m. 30 LH - is that meant to be F's on the bottom? (You have a ninth interval right now)
- I think the fall back to mp on the last page would be better placed at m. 33 instead of m. 39.
- There's no coda, so just use "D.S." at the end.
- Overall system spacing on pages 2-3 we can fix later if that's too much trouble for you in Finale right now.

[MomoQca]

Thank you for the feedback!

I fixed everything except for your last point. I'm happy to make these adjustments--IIRC there is a guide somewhere on the site, but I can't seem to find it. :S

[Latios212]

Thank you for the feedback!

I fixed everything except for your last point. I'm happy to make these adjustments--IIRC there is a guide somewhere on the site, but I can't seem to find it. :S

You're welcome! The guide is here on the Help Guides board: https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=11783.0

A couple of clarifications above:

- I would suggest not using full octave chords for m. 28 beats 3-4. It's a secondary voice playing a countermelody (like in m. 20) and the performer should know not to emphasize it as much as the melody.

I meant to say beats 2-4 the countermelody plays single notes on beats 2-4 - Ab An C.

- There's no coda, so just use "D.S." at the end.

"D.S.", not the actual segno like in m. 5.

There were also a couple of minor positions that could be adjusted - the dynamics and beginning of the 8vb markings could be a little better centered over the beat 1 noteheads.

To demonstrate the layout I'd suggest using, I've made edits here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/tbiljii9m7jcflc/Prison%20Island%2012.29.21.musx?dl=1. Feel free to use it directly as I've made the other minor changes I mentioned above too!

[MomoQca]

Much appreciated for the edits (and for the guidance), Latios212! Files are updated.

[Latios212]

No problem approved!

[MomoQca]

Bump

[Libera]

The formatting, notes and presentation generally look pretty good here.  The main concern here I have is about accuracy compared to the original piece.  I get that sometimes you don't have to stick 100% to the original, but the idea of NSM should be that we're trying to make a sheet that reflects the original as best as we can, whilst still being pianistic and playable etc.  For example, I'm totally fine with adding in the hi-hats in the opening as left hand notes and the kicks added in as in bars 9/11, but there are other places in this sheet that are basically just completely made up and aren't present in the original at all.  Let me go through them:

-The left hand pattern in 13-16 seems at first glance to be representing the percussion, but the rhythms don't actually match up at all.  I think it'd be better if you tried to make this part match up with the percussion more closely and get all of the variation in that the original has, rather than the same bar copy-pasted 4 times.
-The chords in right hand in bars 17-24 aren't present in this manner in the original.  Particularly the Ab chords that appear in bar 16 b3, bar 19 b4 etc. really stand out to me compared to the original.  I think it actually serves to diminish the effect in the original where the Ab chord finally comes appears in bar 23.  The original just kind of does a Bb F pedal all the way up until 23, with the melody moving around that.  What you have written in sounds an awful lot thicker.
-The left hand in bars 25-32 is almost entirely original and gives that section a completely different feel to the original piece.  I think we should try to match the original more closely here.  In terms of all the points, I think this one is the most egregious.

I'll hold off on any specific note checking because at the moment it's pretty hard for me to even compare these places against the original.  If you have any questions about those three points above, feel free to ask.

[MomoQca]

Thanks for the constructive feedback, Libera.

Here's what I did:

-reworked the sections you pointed out.
-added some articulations to the LH chords
-eliminated the driving piano notes from m.17 to 25 in favor of the percussion section
-tried adjusting the staccato in the LH chords in m.30, but not sure how to fix it (clashing with note in RH beat 1)

I think that about covers everything I did.