[DELETED] [Wii] New Super Mario Bros. Wii - "Fortress" by Benjamin

Started by Zeta, November 22, 2021, 05:43:39 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Super Mario
Game: New Super Mario Bros. Wii
Console: Wii
Title: Fortress
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Benjamin

Whoppybones

Some thoughts I had while looking at this:
-In m1 and m3, the 2nd upper chord should be F#-A#, not E-A#
-In m2, the RH should start flush on beat 2, not on beat 1.5.
-Also m2, I hear three notes, each separated by 1 beat: D, Eb, F#
-m4, the RH starts on beat 2.5, not 2.
-m4 The GGGD in the LH also comes in half a beat early, and I believe it should be AAAE instead.
-m5 and m7 should have an E natural, not an E#.
-m6, don't forget to make those Fs natural.
-m12 and m13, the RH needs to be moved up an octave.

Good job on trying to tackle this one! Lots of accidentals, and you've got a great start!

Zeila


Hi! In the future, it would help if you posted a source to the submitted song, whether it's an mp3 or youtube video

In addition to the above, I also have some feedback:

Formatting
  • There are some of discrepancies between your mus file and the Submission Guidelines, and it would help if you used Cacabish's guide/program to fix most of the weird MuseScore -> xml -> Finale conversion issues such as missing measure numbers or incorrect fonts
  • If you want to write in a key signature, then I think you should go with what tonic it starts as, which would be in E minor
  • I think either of the measure distributions 4-4-4-3-3 or 4-4-5-3-2 (# of measures per system) would look better than your current one that's 5-6-3-2-2
  • m1/3/5/7 The RH has nothing to do here so you could just write out the chords in the RH staff instead of putting two layers in the LH (in m3 I think it would be better to preserve the staccato of beat 2 than to hold the D and D# in the RH and use a pedal for the low E in the LH). If you really want to keep both voices on the same staff, then I think it would look better if the quarter rests were lowered to their default position
  • m2/6 LH there's no need to separate the voices with rests so you could combine them into one layer or just flip everything so that the beams, articulation, and rests look normal
  • m4 since the decrescendo is only affecting the RH, you could move that on top of the staff and then put the "(tap piano)" text in the middle so it wouldn't overlap. The decrescendo in the penultimate measure should also be on top of the staff
  • m8 you don't need to write out (tap piano) again since it's clear that the notehead is different
  • m9 LH the 8va should actually extend past measures 13 and 14, so you could delete all of the other ones and have this singular 8va go all the way to the end

Notes
  • I think most if not all of the written octaves are power chords. I think it would sound too muddy to add them in though unless you raised them up an octave
  • m1/3 the first dyad (beat 2) should have a staccato and the pedals here are unnecessary when the RH can play the top. Also, I think there is still an E here that plays under the dyads, but I'm unsure about that when it doesn't sound like m5/7 have a D playing underneath the transposed dyads. Additionally, I think it might be better to write F#->A# as Gb->Bb instead
  • m4 LH The first three timpani notes sound more like G# than A or G to me, but I agree with everything else Whoppy mentioned
  • m5/7 In addition to what Whoppy mentioned, the G should actually be a G#. If this were to be written with flats just like m1/3 potentially, then the second dyad would be Fb->Ab instead of E->G#
  • m6 you could double beats 3-4 up an octave with the RH since there are multiple instruments playing that phrase
  • m8 I think it would be better to fade out the last quarter note with sixteenth notes instead of cutting it short that early
  • m9-14 I think it would look better if you wrote out flats instead of sharps, except for the C# in measure 14 (e.g. Db and Ab instead of C# and G# in m9 so that they don't create naturals right afterwards). This includes changing F# to Gb in m10/13. Also, I don't think this section really needs a pedal when compared to the original
  • m13/14 RH I don't think the RH doubles the bass here and just continues the top line, but I could be wrong
  • m15+ RH doesn't need an 8va and should be lowered an octave too. For measure 15 specifically, I don't think there should be any staccatos written in the RH. I also would advise against putting octaves here because it increases the difficulty by significant amount without adding much, it would lose the legato feel, and the top voice is hard to hear in comparison anyways. After lowering it an octave and removing the top notes, you could just leave it in bass clef. Even if you insist on keeping octaves and leaving it in treble clef, the one you switched to (french violin clef) is centered on a different line and adjusted the normal treble clef by two whole steps downwards (i.e. your G->G#/Ab->C#/Db->E line looks like E->E#->A->C# if someone weren't paying close attention, and for the record those sharps would be better off spelled as flats imo because there's a C in the bass already and the G#'s would keep creating natural accidentals for subsequent G's)
  • m15 pt 2 Regarding the rhythm here, it sounds loose and has a slightly more gradual change, so I think it would be better to write it ambiguously with beamed notes and maybe some text direction instead of a set rhythm w/ eighth and sixteenth notes
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    I think it is more conventional to use feathered beaming, but the change is only minor here. Maybe someone else will have a better idea!
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  • m15/17 LH beat 1 quarter note doesn't sound like it should have a staccato
  • m18 RH that pattern keeps going in this measure, albeit it's very faded

Bloop

Bump for arranger, there's a lot of feedback for you ^^

Latios212

I'm going to archive this for now. Feel free to resubmit with changes if you get back to it, and let us know if you need help!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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