[PC] Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling - "The Sailors' Pier" by cacabish

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling
Console: PC
Title: The Sailors' Pier
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: cacabish

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[cacabish]

[Kricketune54]

Been meaning to drop some comments on this one!  Thanks again for checking out my sub.

- I'm not really picking up a difference in note length between RH m2 beat 3 and m4 beat 3 so those could be the same (quarter, quarter rest, or half note, though I think I prefer the first option)
- Also based off of how it sounds, I think you could add a slur on RH m10 beat 4 to the quarter note on beat 1 of m11, and do that for each time this phrase appears in this piece.

That's all I really got though, this is a really nice sounding piece, well translated to piano, and that was fun to noodle around with on my own (something I don't usually do for stuff in subs lol)

[cacabish]

Been meaning to drop some comments on this one!  Thanks again for checking out my sub.

You're welcome! (I didn't do it expecting to be repaid, y'know!) Regardless, I appreciate you taking some time to give me some feedback!

- I'm not really picking up a difference in note length between RH m2 beat 3 and m4 beat 3 so those could be the same (quarter, quarter rest, or half note, though I think I prefer the first option)

Fair point. I believe I had it as a quarter note originally, iirc, but I changed it to a half note to provide parallel structure with the dotted quarter note at m. 6, b. 3. However, the quarter note works well too and pairs with the quarter note in m. 4, b. 3. Anyway, I've switched it for a straight quarter note.

- Also based off of how it sounds, I think you could add a slur on RH m10 beat 4 to the quarter note on beat 1 of m11, and do that for each time this phrase appears in this piece.

Great suggestion! I think it works quite well with everything surrounding it. Done!

That's all I really got though, this is a really nice sounding piece, well translated to piano, and that was fun to noodle around with on my own (something I don't usually do for stuff in subs lol)

You and me both. Glad you had some fun giving feedback on another person's sub, though! It was certainly an odd feeling when I did it on your sub (being my first time and all), but I have no doubt it gets easier over time and it's something I want to do more of over the next few months. And thanks again for the feedback! I've updated the submission files accordingly, so if you have any more feedback, do let me know!

[Bloop]

I'm enjoying this game a lot currently, glad I got to know it from here

Notes are all correct! Just some suggestions about slurs, staccatos and layers:
-m1, 4 and 5: For the double bass and accordion bass notes, It could be best to not try to arrange as much as possible of both of them. For m1 and m5, I hear the D on beat 3 more prominently than the A-D figure of the double bass (though this works alright too, if you really wanna keep it). For m4, however, I think it's better to just delete the low A on beat 4, so you have that fun D-A-B-C#-D figure from the contrabass. The A sounds out of place then.
-m2 and 6: Since you have a lot of slurs already, maybe you could add one from beat 1 to beat 2 here too?
-m3: If we wanne be really precise, beats 1.5, 2 and 2.5 should be staccato too (slurs wise you can then do beat 1 to 1.5 and from beat 3 to beat 1 in the next bar).
-m4 and 14: On beat 3, the melody goes down to a D, so maybe it's an idea to move the F# down an octave. It's probably better to be more faithful to the melody than to the accompaniment :p
-m7: Maybe you can start this slur from beat 4.5 of beat 4 already.
-m8, 10 and 18: You might wanna think about if you wanna end the slurs on beats 1 of these bars, or on beat 4.5 of the previous bar: there's something to be said about both of them :p
-m12 and 16: Maybe you could move the A's and D's on beat 2-3 to the second layer, so it's clear the melody still goes on here. It might look like the melody stops at beat 1 and the R.H. just takes over the L.H. chords. If you wanna be really consistent, you can move all other accompaniment parts to the second layer when the melody is also playing, but I felt that it would make the most difference here.

[cacabish]

I'm enjoying this game a lot currently, glad I got to know it from here

One of us! One of us!

-m1, 4 and 5: For the double bass and accordion bass notes, It could be best to not try to arrange as much as possible of both of them. For m1 and m5, I hear the D on beat 3 more prominently than the A-D figure of the double bass (though this works alright too, if you really wanna keep it).

Good point! I was originally going for the classic "oom-pah" feel, but the D is definitely stronger despite not being the bassiest (is that a word?) note. Sounds great all the same, so I've swapped it out for a D.

For m4, however, I think it's better to just delete the low A on beat 4, so you have that fun D-A-B-C#-D figure from the contrabass. The A sounds out of place then.

Yeah, that's what I originally had and what I liked better. BUT! I was certain someone was going to call me out on it if it wasn't there. I guess the opposite was true. Removed.

-m2 and 6: Since you have a lot of slurs already, maybe you could add one from beat 1 to beat 2 here too?

Why not? The more the merrier, right? Besides, it definitely makes it sound better. Added!

-m3: If we wanne be really precise, beats 1.5, 2 and 2.5 should be staccato too (slurs wise you can then do beat 1 to 1.5 and from beat 3 to beat 1 in the next bar).

Yeah, I was originally going to do that, but given the other eighth-note runs don't contain staccatos, I decided to go for consistency, rather than accuracy. Still, I can put them in! I also appreciate the slur placement suggestion -- less brain power for me.

-m4 and 14: On beat 3, the melody goes down to a D, so maybe it's an idea to move the F# down an octave. It's probably better to be more faithful to the melody than to the accompaniment :p

I would agree, but I'm not sure if it sounds better or worse once I do that. However, if you think it sounds better, that's good enough for me! I was originally tempted to just demarcate the melody using voices doing something like this:

But favoring the melody works here too. Done!

-m7: Maybe you can start this slur from beat 4.5 of beat 4 already.

Why do you make me suffer? This is good suggestion! But with the repeat lines, I'm never quite sure what to do since I have to do everything manually. I've done this suggestion, but you should definitely look over the vertical position of the first repeat and the slur in the second repeat (and just everything in general) to make sure they look good.

-m8, 10 and 18: You might wanna think about if you wanna end the slurs on beats 1 of these bars, or on beat 4.5 of the previous bar: there's something to be said about both of them :p

I guess having a slur over a repeated note doesn't make a lot of sense, now does it? Regardless, having relistened to the original, it's definitely sounds better and makes more sense to end the beat before. Fixed!

-m12 and 16: Maybe you could move the A's and D's on beat 2-3 to the second layer, so it's clear the melody still goes on here. It might look like the melody stops at beat 1 and the R.H. just takes over the L.H. chords. If you wanna be really consistent, you can move all other accompaniment parts to the second layer when the melody is also playing, but I felt that it would make the most difference here.

This was something I was wondering about, but since the rhythms didn't differ, I've went with the "minimize the number of voices" rule of thumb. However, you've made a good point and I've gone ahead and changed this, as well as applying it everywhere just to try to see what it looks like when it's "really consistent". You'll definitely need to give me feedback on how it looks as I fear a lot of the downward stems might create problems.

Anyway, that should be everything addressed! Thanks for the feedback, Bloop! As always, I really appreciate it. If you have any more suggestions now that the submission files are updated, do let me know!

[Bloop]

Awesome! I'll definitely approve now ^^ I'll respond to your comments below, but there's nothing that big that needs to be fixed.
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Yeah, that's what I originally had and what I liked better. BUT! I was certain someone was going to call me out on it if it wasn't there. I guess the opposite was true. Removed.

You don't have to change stuff around because you expect someone will say you should! If you thought about it and have a reason to go one way, just go that way ^^ (it helps if 'that way' happens to be our way too hahaha)

Yeah, I was originally going to do that, but given the other eighth-note runs don't contain staccatos, I decided to go for consistency, rather than accuracy. Still, I can put them in! I also appreciate the slur placement suggestion -- less brain power for me.

Ah yeah I can see that, the having this one different might just make it a bit more playful too.

I would agree, but I'm not sure if it sounds better or worse once I do that.

Yeah the combination with the B on beat 3 makes it sound a bit different. I don't think demarcating the melody works as well, since it's still a bit hard to let the melody come out, even though it's clearer that it's there. Something you could try is deleting the F# on beat 3 altogether, since it's already implied anyway.

Why do you make me suffer? This is good suggestion! But with the repeat lines, I'm never quite sure what to do since I have to do everything manually. I've done this suggestion, but you should definitely look over the vertical position of the first repeat and the slur in the second repeat (and just everything in general) to make sure they look good.

It looks totally fine! Maybe in m9 the slur could start a little bit higher (I think technically about the same height as the one above the barline between m7 and , but that's really the only thing.

I guess having a slur over a repeated note doesn't make a lot of sense, now does it?

It can make sense if you're using them more as phrasing marks than literally legato indications, but in this case there's a lot of legato/staccato stuff going on, so the legato-way makes more sense ^^

This was something I was wondering about, but since the rhythms didn't differ, I've went with the "minimize the number of voices" rule of thumb. However, you've made a good point and I've gone ahead and changed this, as well as applying it everywhere just to try to see what it looks like when it's "really consistent". You'll definitely need to give me feedback on how it looks as I fear a lot of the downward stems might create problems.

Looks totally fine to me, I don't think there's anything wrong with the downward stems ^^

[Libera]

This looks fine.  I'll just point out a few details.

-m1, 4 and 5: For the double bass and accordion bass notes, It could be best to not try to arrange as much as possible of both of them. For m1 and m5, I hear the D on beat 3 more prominently than the A-D figure of the double bass (though this works alright too, if you really wanna keep it).

Good point! I was originally going for the classic "oom-pah" feel, but the D is definitely stronger despite not being the bassiest (is that a word?) note. Sounds great all the same, so I've swapped it out for a D.

I actually think it makes a lot more sense as an A than a D.  The A is much more idiomatic and gives a more varied sound than repeating a D on beats 1, 3 and 4 and fits a lot better with the rest of the written-in accompaniment pattern.  Even if the D is louder than the A in the original, it sticks out a lot more because the A -> D movement is a lot more noticeable than the repeated D.  Anyway, those are my thoughts on that.

The other thing that I noticed is that bar 9 is an unnecessary bar.  You could have the first time bar start in bar 8 instead and bar 9 is then just deleted, which lets you place three bars per system for the rest of the page.  It might look a little more consistent that way.

You may also consider adding a double barline for the B section beginning at bar 11, but since the piece is short it is up to you.  It might help the reader to understand the structure a little more clearly, though.

[cacabish]

I actually think it makes a lot more sense as an A than a D.  The A is much more idiomatic and gives a more varied sound than repeating a D on beats 1, 3 and 4 and fits a lot better with the rest of the written-in accompaniment pattern.  Even if the D is louder than the A in the original, it sticks out a lot more because the A -> D movement is a lot more noticeable than the repeated D.  Anyway, those are my thoughts on that.

Good thoughts! I, personally, like the A for pretty much the same reasons you outlined (as I said prior, I like that "oom-pah" feel here). Of course, the D sounds fine and is the forefront note, but given a choice (assuming all things equal), I definitely prefer the A. Thus, I've reverted them back.

The other thing that I noticed is that bar 9 is an unnecessary bar.  You could have the first time bar start in bar 8 instead and bar 9 is then just deleted, which lets you place three bars per system for the rest of the page.  It might look a little more consistent that way.

That cleans up a lot quite nicely! I'm never quite sure if and when having one bar under a repeat is "kosher" or not (hence I didn't do one originally), but I can't deny it cleans up a lot. So, regardless of my original uncertainty, it's certainly a great suggestion. Implemented!

You may also consider adding a double barline for the B section beginning at bar 11, but since the piece is short it is up to you.  It might help the reader to understand the structure a little more clearly, though.

Another good point! I had considered it originally, but wasn't sure if I wanted to add one because of the length, pickup, and proximity to the repeat. But, since you seem to think one would work here, I'll add one in!

That should be everything! Those were some very helpful "details" and I think the sheet is much better now. Thanks, Libera!
I've update the submission files, so do let me know of any more suggestions you might have!

[Libera]

That should be everything! Those were some very helpful "details" and I think the sheet is much better now. Thanks, Libera!
I've update the submission files, so do let me know of any more suggestions you might have!

Yeah this looks great.  I was going to accept, so I was just resetting the articulations for previous versions of finale and I noticed that the slurs in bars 1/5 were slightly a bit too close to the sharp symbol and so I nudged those a little.  If that's OK with you, I can upload those files and accept.

Here's a picture:

Spoiler

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[close]

It is a very slight change, but a little neater.

[cacabish]

Oh, go right ahead! I don't mind. Definitely makes it a bit neater.

[Libera]

Ok cool, I just did that.  I'll accept now then.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot