[N64] Star Fox 64 - "Meteo" (Replacement) by Kricketune54

Started by Zeta, January 22, 2022, 09:48:29 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Star Fox
Game: Star Fox 64
Console: Nintendo 64
Title: Meteo
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Kricketune54


Replacement Information:

Links to Existing Sheet: MUS | MIDI | PDF
Replacement Type: Challenge (new arranger)

[attachment deleted by admin]

Zeila


I was working on some feedback earlier today and wasn't sure if I should post it in the Replacement Initiative thread after I was done, but now that this exists I don't have to face that dilemma. Anyways, thank you Kricketune for tackling this on!



Formatting
  • There's no extra beat in between measures 10 and 12. The crash just comes on beat 6 so you could stop the trill by the end of beat 5 if you wanted to. The rest of my feedback will still be off of the current measure numbers though
  • E minor key signature maybe?
  • I think it is better to prioritize reasonable staff spacing over centered dynamics or text, so I think it would look neater if you closed the gap between the staves in the first system and just raised the mf (or you could put it off to the side)
  • Instead of using an octave clef, just write an 8va under the left hand. Static wrote something similar in his Infinite Blue sheet, but you could also probably just write some text
    You cannot view this attachment.
  • m3 RH you should split the rests to go alongside the pulse of the measure just like how you split it up in measure 2/4/5/etc. to show the strong beat
  • m7/8 if you're going to hide the 2nd layer rests, then you should place the 1st layer rests in the default position in the middle of the staff, and the power chords should be flipped down
  • m6/9 RH somehow the second D/G dyads on beat 4.5 are missing the flat accidentals even though they playback correctly. Maybe they were previously tied and that hid the accidentals
Notes
  • Idk if it's just me, but the timpani part you accented throughout the entire left hand is either very faint to me (m2-15) or I can't hear it at all (m16-end). When I tried raising it up an octave, this is what stood out to me (the picture is from m15-17):
    You cannot view this attachment.
    Even if you wish to keep your current notes, I personally think some of them clash too much and make it sound too muddy. I think raising the timpani hits up an octave would help with that (and might be easier to play too)
  • m6/9 RH pt. 2 the A-Dn dyad of beat 5.5 sounds more like B-Dn to me
  • m9 RH beat 6 there's a missing E that would be nice to add
  • m12/14 I think the last two dyads are actually an octave higher relative to the rest of the phrase. It might be better to leave measures 12-15 down an octave to keep it in the same register as m6, and unlike measure 9 there's no high strings alongside that phrase
  • m16/18 RH I think there's a tie between the two F's on beats 3/4
  • m17/19 RH I think the last note in the melody sounds more like half notes instead of two quarter notes; also, for m17 maybe you could re-strike the D and Bb harmony for the last melody note
  • m17/19 LH beat 5 I think the F sounds more like a Bb (just like in the picture above about the timpani part)
  • m21 RH beat 2 the F# sounds more like F (or E#) to me
  • m21 LH I think beat 3 sounds like it lasts for a quarter note instead of an eighth note, and the Dn on beat 6 sounds more like an E to me

Kricketune54

#2
As far as formatting stuff, I have updated to what you recommended.  I can't believe I missed that about the nonexistent extra beat, it seemed like every time I counted this out with my metronome I was off if I just let it run the whole song, but I should've checked this more.

I can see a case for E minor (which I have implemented) but my initial thinking was keyless given I felt like the F# was less present as a note, but now looking at parts like m9-10 and the ending this makes more sense.

Quote from: Zeila on January 22, 2022, 11:49:38 PM
  • Idk if it's just me, but the timpani part you accented throughout the entire left hand is either very faint to me (m2-15) or I can't hear it at all (m16-end). When I tried raising it up an octave, this is what stood out to me (the picture is from m15-17):
What if I told you... this is how I had it originally  :-\ .  Second guessed myself on the timpani pitches throughout the whole song. 
QuoteEven if you wish to keep your current notes, I personally think some of them clash too much and make it sound too muddy. I think raising the timpani hits up an octave would help with that (and might be easier to play too)[/li][/list]

My main issue with changing the timpani part from how we heard it was that then there's shared pitches or times where the timpani would be over the actual bass notes.  Maybe this arrangement would better with out the timpani, and still has the meaty sound of the bass notes for playability's sake?  I might experience with chord pitches  but I know those can get muddy fast in this range (not that we're already very mud-covered lol)


 
Quote
  • m12/14 I think the last two dyads are actually an octave higher relative to the rest of the phrase. It might be better to leave measures 12-15 down an octave to keep it in the same register as m6, and unlike measure 9 there's no high strings alongside that phrase

I like this, and have implemented it (as well as fixing the notes).  My initial thinking was to keep the flute melody's octave, but I like your framing better.  Anyone think that their should be a dynamic difference between the build of m.10 or m15 to this though?

If the SF: Assault solo piano version of Meteo is ever arranged, I think it should contrast this part and keep the octave at what I had it

Quote
  • m16/18 RH I think there's a tie between the two F's on beats 3/4
I don't think there actually is

Quote
  • m17/19 RH I think the last note in the melody sounds more like half notes instead of two quarter notes; also, for m17 maybe you could re-strike the D and Bb harmony for the last melody note

I also don't hear this.  In my opinion the melody note instrument is a bit hard to differentiate when it is restriking a note here, but I hear it do this here and the above; I have not changed these measures

Quote
  • m17/19 LH beat 5 I think the F sounds more like a Bb (just like in the picture above about the timpani part)

Not hearing this as a Bb - if you listen to this rhythm it mirrors what happens on m16/18  (i.e. thrice repetition of the Ab Ebx2 followed by three notes) with different pitches

Quote
  • m6/9 RH pt. 2 the A-Dn dyad of beat 5.5 sounds more like B-Dn to me
  • m9 RH beat 6 there's a missing E that would be nice to add
  • m21 RH beat 2 the F# sounds more like F (or E#) to me
Fixed

Quote
  • m21 LH I think beat 3 sounds like it lasts for a quarter note instead of an eighth note, and the Dn on beat 6 sounds more like an E to me

I agree on the first part, but I do not hear this as an E


Thank you so much for all this feedback!  You steered me right on a lot of things especially the LH which I went off the rails on.  I have updated my files, with some additional accents added in a couple spots and another stab at m19-20's LH part.

Couple small questions I still have unrelated
  • The trill on m10 (new measure 10) does not want to cooperate when it comes to playback.  Anyone know how to get that to not do the An first before the Bn?  I don't think it's a matter of positioning but maybe someone with more experience setting these knows better
  • m19 LH should beat 3 be a quarter rest or stay 2 eighths?  I maybe confusing some feedback from my Pokemon X and Y sheet by thinking when you are doing note beaming in 6/4 3/4 12/8 6/8 that you spell out a rest like that so the beats are clearer

Bloop

Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 25, 2022, 08:43:28 AM
  • The trill on m10 (new measure 10) does not want to cooperate when it comes to playback.  Anyone know how to get that to not do the An first before the Bn?  I don't think it's a matter of positioning but maybe someone with more experience setting these knows better
I'm not sure why it's taking the A too, but you could do something like this:
You cannot view this attachment.
Use the trill articulation (as well as a hidden one on beat 4, because it stops before the tied note), and use the first line in the custom line tool to display the wavy line. There's also a wavy line right next to the trill line in the smart shape tool, but that one changes the trill to a B-D trill for some reason (at least for me).

Quote from: Kricketune54 on January 25, 2022, 08:43:28 AM
  • m19 LH should beat 3 be a quarter rest or stay 2 eighths?  I maybe confusing some feedback from my Pokemon X and Y sheet by thinking when you are doing note beaming in 6/4 3/4 12/8 6/8 that you spell out a rest like that so the beats are clearer
That should just be a quarter rest: those two rests together form beat 3 of m19, so it makes sense to change it to a quarter rest. If you were to convert this into 6/8, these two 8th rests would be two 16th rests on the 3rd beat, which wouldn't make sense either.

My other comments:
-About the L.H. ostinato: I'm not sure if portato marks really make a difference here compared to just staccato: did you have a specific idea for them? If it was just a note-length-issue, I think staccato would work just fine (this also applies to the portato marks in the R.H. I think). Also, you could consider beaming the 8th notes as 6+6 instead of 2+2+2+2+2+2, so the division of beats (3+3) is a bit clearer. For this reason, you can combine the last 4 8th notes in m19 to one beam too (in both R.H. and L.H.)
-About the 8va marking: I think you actually don't necessarily need an 8va for the entire piece, as the main L.H. line is still readable (lowest note is is the B, which is just two ledger lines), and the other low notes are pretty readable as "octave below" note, or "same note as that octave below E" notes. If you prefer keeping the 8va in, it may be better to start it at m2 instead of halfway through m1, so the full descending line of m1 is clearly visible instead of cut off at the halfway point.
-About half-rest usage: The rule for combining rests in triple meter (which I just looked up :p), is that rests that follow a beat should expose all subdivisions, and rests that start on the beat should be combined (unless it's necessary for the player to feel each individual beat). This means that in m2, 4, 5, 7 and 8, the half rest on beat 2 should be two quarter rests, and the two quarter rests on beat 4-5 in m3 should be a half rest. Also, in m7 and 8, the rests should go in their original position (like in m4 and 5), as there's nothing written below them that would need them be moved up.
-m1: I don't think you need these 32nd notes at the end of the bar, as it's pretty much just a continuation of the trill. If you wanna make sure they end on B-C instead of C-B, you can add them as 16nd grace notes before the E in m2 (the grace notes should then go before the barline, not after).
-m3-5: The 8th note in the R.H. on beat 6.5 should have a staccato
-m6 and 9: The Db-Gb dyads in these bars should be written as C#-F# (the top notes of the melody in this bar make a lot of sense in Em, so the Gb should definitely be an F#. The C# is there because the melody is harmonized a perfect fourth below, which gives this a dorian sound).
-m6: The articulations in the R.H. should be flipped so they're all below the noteheads.
-m9: It might be worth adding courtesy accidentals at the F# octave in the L.H. on beat 6, as the L.H. has only played Fn's up to this point.
-m10: I think it's better to write the whole note tremolo in the L.H. as two half note tremolos, so the division in the middle of the bar is visible (like you did in the R.H.)
-m16: Maybe it makes sense to put the D and Fn on beat 1 into a separate layer as a dotted whole note, delete the Bb, and keep the C in the first layer as the melody note?
-m16 and 18: I think I hear Gn instead of Gb in the L.H. on beat 6.
-m17: I don't think I hear the 8th note C in the melody here (it doesn't really matter much for the performance though :p)
-m18: Same kinda thing as m16, but putting the Eb-G and D-Fn dyads in a second layer (quarter note - half note tied to dotted half note), delete the Bb, and keep the C in the first layer. Also, the Ab's on beats 5 and 6 should be Bb's.
-m19-20: I think this enharmonic spelling for the R.H. would be better:
You cannot view this attachment.
We're kinda in Eb minor (or dorian) territory, so using flats all over would be the clearest. The chord on m20 beat 6 is a chromatic neighboring tone from the G (G-F#-G), so then F# makes more sense than Gb. I also changed the F# on beat 3 to a Gn.
For the L.H., I hear something like this (notated without the 8va):
You cannot view this attachment.
I believe the thirds you have in this part were the accents with timpani right? I think using octaves for this instead works better, as thirds this low sound very muddy. I also added courtesy accidentals to the En in m21, as it has been very Eb-heavy in these two bars.
Last thing about these two bars, maybe you could a forte at the start of m19? These bars seem a bit more intense than earlier stuff. If you'd rather have everything in one dynamic, maybe using forte in general would be better too.
-Lastly, a little preference thing: I think I would've put a repeat bar one bar later (so adding a bar at the end which is the same as m3, and repeating back to m4 instead), so the two interlude bars at the beginning aren't separated by a repeat bar and there isn't a missing 'second' interlude bar at the end.

Kricketune54

Quote from: Bloop on February 05, 2022, 10:30:32 AMI'm not sure why it's taking the A too, but you could do something like this

Wow the more you know, thanks for this workaround!

QuoteThat should just be a quarter rest: those two rests together form beat 3 of m19, so it makes sense to change it to a quarter rest. If you were to convert this into 6/8, these two 8th rests would be two 16th rests on the 3rd beat, which wouldn't make sense either.

Ah gotcha. 

Quote-About the L.H. ostinato: I'm not sure if portato marks really make a difference here compared to just staccato: did you have a specific idea for them? If it was just a note-length-issue, I think staccato would work just fine (this also applies to the portato marks in the R.H. I think). Also, you could consider beaming the 8th notes as 6+6 instead of 2+2+2+2+2+2, so the division of beats (3+3) is a bit clearer. For this reason, you can combine the last 4 8th notes in m19 to one beam too (in both R.H. and L.H.)

Well the idea was that I didn't really feel like staccato was the appropriate articulation or length; all things considered I like that suggestion for the 8th note beaming, and I did implement the staccatos instead of portatos.  Fixed all the beaming for the LH, was there a reason to not do this for m9 LH beats 4-5 as well though?
Quote-About the 8va marking: I think you actually don't necessarily need an 8va for the entire piece, as the main L.H. line is still readable (lowest note is is the B, which is just two ledger lines), and the other low notes are pretty readable as "octave below" note, or "same note as that octave below E" notes. If you prefer keeping the 8va in, it may be better to start it at m2 instead of halfway through m1, so the full descending line of m1 is clearly visible instead of cut off at the halfway point.

I opted to remove.

Quote-About half-rest usage: The rule for combining rests in triple meter (which I just looked up :p), is that rests that follow a beat should expose all subdivisions, and rests that start on the beat should be combined (unless it's necessary for the player to feel each individual beat). This means that in m2, 4, 5, 7 and 8, the half rest on beat 2 should be two quarter rests, and the two quarter rests on beat 4-5 in m3 should be a half rest. Also, in m7 and 8, the rests should go in their original position (like in m4 and 5), as there's nothing written below them that would need them be moved up.

Ah okay.  I guess I should've looked this up but I didn't realize I was wrong in the first place haha.  The more you know

Quote-m1: I don't think you need these 32nd notes at the end of the bar, as it's pretty much just a continuation of the trill. If you wanna make sure they end on B-C instead of C-B, you can add them as 16nd grace notes before the E in m2 (the grace notes should then go before the barline, not after).

I like this grace note idea, so I have implemented it.  The trill icon is now an articulation

Quote-m3-5: The 8th note in the R.H. on beat 6.5 should have a staccato
Fixed, also I added these staccatos to 6.5 of m6-8 considering this is basically the same rhythm - let me know if you think that is redundant considering the rolls for m7-8 beat 1's

Quote-m6 and 9: The Db-Gb dyads in these bars should be written as C#-F# (the top notes of the melody in this bar make a lot of sense in Em, so the Gb should definitely be an F#. The C# is there because the melody is harmonized a perfect fourth below, which gives this a dorian sound).

Okay - my thinking was definitely a little more simple as I thought that the accidentals were just following a descension from the previous notes, but I have fixed

Quote-m6: The articulations in the R.H. should be flipped so they're all below the noteheads.

Fixed

Quote-m9: It might be worth adding courtesy accidentals at the F# octave in the L.H. on beat 6, as the L.H. has only played Fn's up to this point.
Added, good point

Quote-m10: I think it's better to write the whole note tremolo in the L.H. as two half note tremolos, so the division in the middle of the bar is visible (like you did in the R.H.)

I get what you mean- thing is is that Finale's easy tremolo plugin is defaulting them to be whole notes - I used the note shape tool to change to half notes but for some reason the notes are appearing up a half step (despite sounding correct in playback).  Let me know if I should be using a different tool for tremolos or if there is a way to move the note position visually down but not so that the pitch changes... I know you can in musescore

 
Quote-m16: Maybe it makes sense to put the D and Fn on beat 1 into a separate layer as a dotted whole note, delete the Bb, and keep the C in the first layer as the melody note?
Implemented, I'm not sure if what I've done is how you would prefer the layers to be directionally though. 

Quote-m16 and 18: I think I hear Gn instead of Gb in the L.H. on beat 6.
Messed around with this part a few times (pitching up x1 then x2, slowing down, etc.), I still hear it as Gb pretty clearly

Quote-m17: I don't think I hear the 8th note C in the melody here (it doesn't really matter much for the performance though :p)

I would think for sake of phrasing consistency it would be there even if it is hard to make out, but I have removed it anyway

Quote-m18: Same kinda thing as m16, but putting the Eb-G and D-Fn dyads in a second layer (quarter note - half note tied to dotted half note), delete the Bb, and keep the C in the first layer. Also, the Ab's on beats 5 and 6 should be Bb's.

Fixed both parts of this point... that is really weird because playback was treating them as if they were A#'s yet not showing an accidental by default.  I think this was something I missed previously when changing the song's key because I changed it enharmonically the first time

 
Quote-m19-20: I think this enharmonic spelling for the R.H. would be better

Got it, and thanks for the explanation, as I would've not been able to make that deduction for why to use flats for the most part here.
 
QuoteFor the L.H., I hear something like this (notated without the 8va)

I don't want to come across as over-reliant on Audacity or audio manipulation tools - but slowing down, playing around with pitching up, the G's I had on 3.0, 4.5, and 5.5 were still there.  I get why an Ab would make sense because G kinda contrasts with the RH here, but that is not how I hear it. Additionally, I do find that beats 6.0 and 6.5 are on D rather than E-D; I initially heard it that way as well, but because it is a bit muddy and busy there, making it clearer with the aforementioned means was clear to me that these were D's; I have kept the D's here and added octaves below.  Beyond those two points, I have taken your suggestions from your photo
 
QuoteLast thing about these two bars, maybe you could a forte at the start of m19? These bars seem a bit more intense than earlier stuff. If you'd rather have everything in one dynamic, maybe using forte in general would be better too.

I like this idea, with the below point, I have put an mf at m22 so things get brought back down to normal levels; I also added a decresc. in 21 that is intended to get the LH back down, but if that doesn't seem like it makes sense from a practical standpoint I'll remove

Quote-Lastly, a little preference thing: I think I would've put a repeat bar one bar later (so adding a bar at the end which is the same as m3, and repeating back to m4 instead), so the two interlude bars at the beginning aren't separated by a repeat bar and there isn't a missing 'second' interlude bar at the end.

Implemented.  Thanks for the look!  Hope this hasn't been more feedback than kind of expected of these replacement efforts; I knew what I was getting into this one, mud, 6/4, and all, but it has been a valuable learning experience for a number of different arranging things

Bloop

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMWell the idea was that I didn't really feel like staccato was the appropriate articulation or length;
I personally felt that, at this speed, it's pretty hard to make a clear difference between the length and articulation of portato and staccato, so that's why I opted for staccato for simplicity (it saves a lot of horizontal lines too haha)

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMwas there a reason to not do this for m9 LH beats 4-5 as well though?
Nah I just missed that one haha, looks good!

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMI like this grace note idea, so I have implemented it.
The grace notes at the ending of a tril should be placed before the barline (so at the end of m1, not at the start of m2). I believe these should also be slurred together with the first note, but not connected to the E in m2
tl;dr this: You cannot view this attachment.

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMFixed, also I added these staccatos to 6.5 of m6-8 considering this is basically the same rhythm - let me know if you think that is redundant considering the rolls for m7-8 beat 1's
I wasn't sure if I wanted to include them in m6-8 as well, because it wasn't as clear to me if the strings were playing staccato with reverb or just not staccato, but practically it probably makes more sense to leave the staccatos as you have them now. Technically, these staccatos should actually go on the stem side: when using layers, articulations go on the stem side so they're not in-between voices (that's why Finale put them on top in beats 1-5 of m6, but because you hid the rests, there was no need for them to be there)

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMOkay - my thinking was definitely a little more simple as I thought that the accidentals were just following a descension from the previous notes, but I have fixed
I understand that you thought that way, that's the reason why I didn't comment on the Db-Gb's in m11-14. In m6 and 9 it's more part of the E minor/dorian harmony, but in m11-14 it's part of a descending chromatic line. For chromatic lines it's also the case to apply accidentals according to the direction the note travels to, not from: in m6 and 9 the note descends to a D, so a Gb or F# wouldn't make much difference. In m11-14 it descends to Fn, so Gb does make sense.

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMI get what you mean- thing is is that Finale's easy tremolo plugin is defaulting them to be whole notes - I used the note shape tool to change to half notes but for some reason the notes are appearing up a half step (despite sounding correct in playback).  Let me know if I should be using a different tool for tremolos or if there is a way to move the note position visually down but not so that the pitch changes... I know you can in musescore
I actually meant two separate half note tremolos like this:
You cannot view this attachment.
 
Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMImplemented, I'm not sure if what I've done is how you would prefer the layers to be directionally though.
The stem direction is good, notes to the same voice should always have their stems pointed the same way. For the second layer, I meant a dotted whole note, not dotted quarter note. Also, currently the flag of the first 8th note is touching the notes on beat 1 of m16 and 18. It might be worth playing around with layers and displacing notes slightly with the Note Position Tool (first tool in Special Tools), so it looks more like this:
m16: You cannot view this attachment.
I switched layers in m16, because Finale automatically puts layer 2 to the right of layer 1 in second intervals, but I wanted the lower layer to the left in this case.
m18: You cannot view this attachment.
I changed the quarter note-tied to-whole note to half note-tied to-dotted half note, so the division in the middle of the bar is clearly visible.

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMMessed around with this part a few times (pitching up x1 then x2, slowing down, etc.), I still hear it as Gb pretty clearly
oh yeah you're right, I heard wrong :p
 
Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMI don't want to come across as over-reliant on Audacity or audio manipulation tools - but slowing down, playing around with pitching up, the G's I had on 3.0, 4.5, and 5.5 were still there.  I get why an Ab would make sense because G kinda contrasts with the RH here, but that is not how I hear it. Additionally, I do find that beats 6.0 and 6.5 are on D rather than E-D; I initially heard it that way as well, but because it is a bit muddy and busy there, making it clearer with the aforementioned means was clear to me that these were D's; I have kept the D's here and added octaves below.  Beyond those two points, I have taken your suggestions from your photo
Don't worry about using audio manipulation tools, a combination of that and using your ears to confirm what the tools are saying is no problem at all ^^ The timbre of the timpani and strings seem to have a little vibrato that made me think it was an Ab when slowing down on youtube, but on audiostretch I do hear the G's and D's more clearly, so looks good! On beat 6 and 6.5 you have En's below instead of D's, though.
 
Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMI like this idea, with the below point, I have put an mf at m22 so things get brought back down to normal levels; I also added a decresc. in 21 that is intended to get the LH back down, but if that doesn't seem like it makes sense from a practical standpoint I'll remove
The decrescendo seems fine to me!

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 05, 2022, 05:50:25 PMImplemented.  Thanks for the look!  Hope this hasn't been more feedback than kind of expected of these replacement efforts; I knew what I was getting into this one, mud, 6/4, and all, but it has been a valuable learning experience for a number of different arranging things
No worries! We weren't expecting any more or less work on these replacements compared to normal submissions. Some replacements are harder than others, but that's exactly the same for any other submission. The most important thing is the learning experience from the feedback ^^

Kricketune54

Quote from: Bloop on February 06, 2022, 03:29:36 AMI personally felt that, at this speed, it's pretty hard to make a clear difference between the length and articulation of portato and staccato, so that's why I opted for staccato for simplicity (it saves a lot of horizontal lines too haha)

Yeah that's a good point, saves sight-reading confusion hopefully

QuoteThe grace notes at the ending of a tril should be placed before the barline (so at the end of m1, not at the start of m2). I believe these should also be slurred together with the first note, but not connected to the E in m2

Got it!  Fixed

QuoteI wasn't sure if I wanted to include them in m6-8 as well, because it wasn't as clear to me if the strings were playing staccato with reverb or just not staccato, but practically it probably makes more sense to leave the staccatos as you have them now. Technically, these staccatos should actually go on the stem side: when using layers, articulations go on the stem side so they're not in-between voices (that's why Finale put them on top in beats 1-5 of m6, but because you hid the rests, there was no need for them to be there)

Ah, this is good to know.  I thought I might be wrong with this one

QuoteI understand that you thought that way, that's the reason why I didn't comment on the Db-Gb's in m11-14. In m6 and 9 it's more part of the E minor/dorian harmony, but in m11-14 it's part of a descending chromatic line. For chromatic lines it's also the case to apply accidentals according to the direction the note travels to, not from: in m6 and 9 the note descends to a D, so a Gb or F# wouldn't make much difference. In m11-14 it descends to Fn, so Gb does make sense.

Sounds good 👍

QuoteI actually meant two separate half note tremolos like this

Fixed this, sorry I misunderstood haha

QuoteThe stem direction is good, notes to the same voice should always have their stems pointed the same way. For the second layer, I meant a dotted whole note, not dotted quarter note. Also, currently the flag of the first 8th note is touching the notes on beat 1 of m16 and 18. It might be worth playing around with layers and displacing notes slightly with the Note Position Tool (first tool in Special Tools), so it looks more like this:
m16: You cannot view this attachment.
I switched layers in m16, because Finale automatically puts layer 2 to the right of layer 1 in second intervals, but I wanted the lower layer to the left in this case.
m18: You cannot view this attachment.
I changed the quarter note-tied to-whole note to half note-tied to-dotted half note, so the division in the middle of the bar is clearly visible.

Oh I see that about the dotted whole note now (on this and your original post).  Moved the notes around to match the photos

QuoteDon't worry about using audio manipulation tools, a combination of that and using your ears to confirm what the tools are saying is no problem at all ^^ The timbre of the timpani and strings seem to have a little vibrato that made me think it was an Ab when slowing down on youtube, but on audiostretch I do hear the G's and D's more clearly, so looks good! On beat 6 and 6.5 you have En's below instead of D's, though.

Hahah getting this far below the staff was one of the reasons I initially went with an 8va (I am not good at reading notes that far down and misheard it on playback  ::) )

Okay, just wanted to check that bit about these replacements, but files are now updated :O)

Bloop

Awesome! Everything looks good now, so it gets an approval!
You cannot view this attachment.

Libera

I think this looks pretty good!  I just have a few fairly minor suggestions:

-I think the 4 bar systems on the first page look pretty cramped and not particularly pleasant to read.  Have you considered something like using 3 bar systems for most of the sheet and then ending with two 2 bar systems?  Something like that I think overall looks a lot neater.
-I feel like the slur in the first bar should end on the top E, rather than on the grace note before.  If you want to make it clear that the top E comes off quickly then you could just add a staccato, but I think visually it looks a bit weird at the moment.
-I think you're missing a C# in the chord on beat 6 of bar 9.  Maybe you could also consider tying that chord over across the whole of bar 10 (minus the last beat) and writing the trill in another layer?  An idea, anyway.
-Is the sixteenth note power chords really necessary in bar 20?  I think in terms of playability it would be better to leave out the lower two notes on beat 2.75, and maybe the lower notes on beat 2.5 as well.  I guess you could also drop them both to just octaves, but really I think it won't change that much sound-wise if you got rid of all/most of them and it'd be massively easier to play.

Anyway, thanks for replacing this one.

Kricketune54

Quote from: Libera on February 25, 2022, 12:56:12 PM-I think the 4 bar systems on the first page look pretty cramped and not particularly pleasant to read.  Have you considered something like using 3 bar systems for most of the sheet and then ending with two 2 bar systems?  Something like that I think overall looks a lot neater.

My thinking initially was to keep the tie of m9-10 together, but it does look better with this feedback

Quote-I feel like the slur in the first bar should end on the top E, rather than on the grace note before.  If you want to make it clear that the top E comes off quickly then you could just add a staccato, but I think visually it looks a bit weird at the moment.

Adjusted the slur, and also added the staccato

Quote-I think you're missing a C# in the chord on beat 6 of bar 9.  Maybe you could also consider tying that chord over across the whole of bar 10 (minus the last beat) and writing the trill in another layer?  An idea, anyway.
Wasn't really sure about this C# but I have included it. I also separated the layers.  I'm not so sure I did the ties correctly between m9-10 so lmk if that needs a redo

Quote-Is the sixteenth note power chords really necessary in bar 20?  I think in terms of playability it would be better to leave out the lower two notes on beat 2.75, and maybe the lower notes on beat 2.5 as well.  I guess you could also drop them both to just octaves, but really I think it won't change that much sound-wise if you got rid of all/most of them and it'd be massively easier to play.
Took the lower notes out

QuoteAnyway, thanks for replacing this one.
No prob, one of my favorite stages from 64.  Thanks, updated!

Libera

Quote from: Kricketune54 on February 25, 2022, 09:44:02 PMI'm not so sure I did the ties correctly between m9-10 so lmk if that needs a redo

The 5 beat chord in bar 10 needs to be beamed correctly for 6/4, i.e. it should be a dotted half notes followed by a half note, rather than a whole note followed by a quarter.

Otherwise the changes look great.

Kricketune54


Libera

Ok I've just reset the articulations (let me know if anything looks off) and I'll now accept.  Nice.

Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot