Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[mastersuperfan]

[PC] OMORI - "Stardust Diving"

Suggestions about the LH part on this one is appreciated; I just came up something that worked when I playtested it, but there might a better possibility, especially with the last section.

If I have time tonight, I might arrange another thing... I stayed up to do one more

[WiiU] Kirby and the Rainbow Curse - "Wonder Space"

No idea what's going on with the accidentals in this one

[Static]

Wonder Space
I mainly just have comments about the ending section. Everything else looks pretty great.

• m21-24: Not sure I agree with these dynamics. It sounds like m21/23 are constant, while m22/24 crescendo through the bar.
• m25-26: There are 4 upper voices for each chord here, and the top voice sounds like it's going chromatically down. Here's what I'm getting:
  
  (also Eb in m26 beat 4 should be D# - B7 chord)

The rest of the accidentals are correct, believe it or not. Lots of whole-tune scales, mM7 chords, and augmented 6ths...

[Static]

Stardust Diving

• m1 LH: I hear D as the lowest note here (middle of the staff).
• m12/14 RH beat 2: This sounds like an 16th-8th-16th rhythm to me, like beats 3-4.
• m16 LH beat 3: The entire chord changes here to F#m/A. You could just write this measure as 2 half note chords.
• m17 RH: In the original track, the two voices intentionally cross through each other around beats 3-4. I think it might make more sense just to keep everything in the original octave there.
• m18 LH beat 1: A should be the lowest voice here I think, it's a D/A chord.
• m18 LH beats 3-4: Bass plays F# here, not A.
• m21 LH beats 3-4 Layer 1: I think the chord stays the same here, Em/G. The C# is only in the melody.
• m24 LH beats 1-2 Layer 1: What you have is correct, but I'd recommend adding a B (maybe change the A to B) and F# (above the D) here. It's an A13sus chord and I think it could sound a lot more full than what you have by adding those extensions.

[mastersuperfan]

Wonder Space

• m21-24: Not sure I agree with these dynamics. It sounds like m21/23 are constant, while m22/24 crescendo through the bar. since the piano can't crescendo on a held chord, I took a little bit of creative liberty to keep the dynamic variation in this section
• m25-26: There are 4 upper voices for each chord here, and the top voice sounds like it's going chromatically down. Here's what I'm getting:
  (also Eb in m26 beat 4 should be D# - B7 chord) changed

Stardust Diving

• m1 LH: I hear D as the lowest note here (middle of the staff). changed
• m12/14 RH beat 2: This sounds like an 16th-8th-16th rhythm to me, like beats 3-4. changed
• m16 LH beat 3: The entire chord changes here to F#m/A. You could just write this measure as 2 half note chords. not sure I did what you meant but I changed it
• m17 RH: In the original track, the two voices intentionally cross through each other around beats 3-4. I think it might make more sense just to keep everything in the original octave there. I feel like it really obscures the melody there on piano so I'll keep it as is unless the next updater feels otherwise. but to me it sounds obnoxious for the upper voice to play A three times in a row, it's clearly not a melody and putting it on top on piano makes it sound like one
• m18 LH beat 1: A should be the lowest voice here I think, it's a D/A chord. I still hear D as the bottom note
• m18 LH beats 3-4: Bass plays F# here, not A. changed
• m21 LH beats 3-4 Layer 1: I think the chord stays the same here, Em/G. The C# is only in the melody. changed
• m24 LH beats 1-2 Layer 1: What you have is correct, but I'd recommend adding a B (maybe change the A to B) and F# (above the D) here. It's an A13sus chord and I think it could sound a lot more full than what you have by adding those extensions. changed

I'm done with finals now so I'll be responding much more quickly to any further feedback. Thanks for looking!

[Static]

Wonder Space
Approved

Stardust Diving

• m16 LH: That is what I meant, sorry if I was unclear. Looks good though.
• m17 RH: Makes sense to me, I figured that's probably what you were going for there but I thought I'd ask about it anyways. Either way seems like a good approach imo.
• m18 LH: I still hear A as the lowest note here, though it's softer than the D above it. I'd be fine leaving it as you have, though I'd still like someone else to take a listen.

Approved

[Bloop]

Wonder Space
-m7: I don't think I hear the B in the R.H. chord on beat 2. I do hear the C below tho, which you could either add in the R.H. for the bit-bigger-handed under us, or add it in the L.H. since the notes on beat 1 are held by the pedal anyway. Same in m9 with the A in the chord and the Bb below (though Bb this one is a bit trickier for the R.H. to get)
-m16 and 20: A bit nitpicky, but the player might misread the A on beat 4.5 as being part of the melody instead of the chord below. You could maybe make this a cross-staffed A from the L.H., or add slur in the R.H. from beat 1 to beat 4, so it won't fall in the melody line.
-m26: The chord on beat 4 is held for a quarter note too. Also, you could choose to write the chord on beat 3 as a F#7 (instead of a Gb7), since it's functioning as a subdominant to the B7. I feel it has more relation to the B7 than to the Dbmaj9.

[Latios212]

Stardust Diving

Suggestions about the LH part on this one is appreciated; I just came up something that worked when I playtested it, but there might a better possibility, especially with the last section.

I think this works fine, outlining/including the chords to the rhythm of the original. My only thought was the possibility of including more chord tones other than just the major/minor chord (e.g. the major seventh in m. 3) but it wouldn't likely sound good in the bass range and the right hand's melody already provides these colors.

The only thing I have to mention is m. 2 RH: I hear beat 4.5 as an A eighth, not B-A sixteenths.

[mastersuperfan]

Wonder Space
-m7: I don't think I hear the B in the R.H. chord on beat 2. I do hear the C below tho, which you could either add in the R.H. for the bit-bigger-handed under us, or add it in the L.H. since the notes on beat 1 are held by the pedal anyway. Same in m9 with the A in the chord and the Bb below (though Bb this one is a bit trickier for the R.H. to get) I still hear the B and A in the RH chords but I added the notes on the bottom
-m16 and 20: A bit nitpicky, but the player might misread the A on beat 4.5 as being part of the melody instead of the chord below. You could maybe make this a cross-staffed A from the L.H., or add slur in the R.H. from beat 1 to beat 4, so it won't fall in the melody line. I think it looks unnecessarily complicated cross-staffed so I added the slur
-m26: The chord on beat 4 is held for a quarter note too. Also, you could choose to write the chord on beat 3 as a F#7 (instead of a Gb7), since it's functioning as a subdominant to the B7. I feel it has more relation to the B7 than to the Dbmaj9. done

Stardust Diving
I think this works fine, outlining/including the chords to the rhythm of the original. My only thought was the possibility of including more chord tones other than just the major/minor chord (e.g. the major seventh in m. 3) but it wouldn't likely sound good in the bass range and the right hand's melody already provides these colors.

The only thing I have to mention is m. 2 RH: I hear beat 4.5 as an A eighth, not B-A sixteenths. updated

Thanks for checking!

[Latios212]

No problem! Stardust Diving is now accepted ^^

[Bloop]

And Wonder Space as well!