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Author Topic: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets  (Read 368 times)

Rubikium

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Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« on: April 30, 2022, 09:34:33 PM »

Frostak’s Cold Land - Kirby Star Allies


Honeylune Ridge - Super Mario Odyssey

« Last Edit: May 03, 2022, 08:27:04 AM by Rubikium »
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Static

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2022, 10:25:44 PM »

Honeylune Ridge
  • m1/7/42 LH: I hear an additional F under the G here. Also, this chord should not be tied; it rearticulates on the downbeat of m2/8/43.
  • m2/8/43 LH: I hear this chord as C-F-G, like this:
  • m13 LH: I hear an F under the G here as well
  • m21-22 LH: You could add the lower notes here if you wanted, and use arpeggio markings. It's fine as you have it though.
  • m38 LH: I'm not hearing the lower F here, just the ones in the RH.

Rubikium

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2022, 02:02:01 PM »

  • m1/7/42 LH: I hear an additional F under the G here. Also, this chord should not be tied; it rearticulates on the downbeat of m2/8/43.
  • m2/8/43 LH: I hear this chord as C-F-G, like this:
  • m13 LH: I hear an F under the G here as well
Added the lower notes, including the additional C bass notes at m1/7/42

  • m21-22 LH: You could add the lower notes here if you wanted, and use arpeggio markings. It's fine as you have it though.
Yeah I'd keep it as is

  • m38 LH: I'm not hearing the lower F here, just the ones in the RH.
I included that F to maintain the parallel chord motion to m39. Both chords has the third on top normally
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Static

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2022, 05:50:36 PM »

Honeylune Ridge
I included that F to maintain the parallel chord motion to m39. Both chords has the third on top normally
Ah, I see, makes sense. Changes all look great, so I'll approve

Bloop

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2022, 02:34:30 PM »

Honeylune Ridge
-I think this should just be in 4/4? (or 2/2 if you will). This is how I hear the first 6 bars:

I think the little chimes at the end aren't exactly in this rhythm, but I think this approximation works a bit better. I'll leave the rest of the feedback in 3/4 though, just to save me some conversion time :p
-m3, 9 and 44: I think I hear a C underneath this L.H. chord too, at least for a little bit. It makes the chord sound a bit more dissonant than just a Gb major chord.
-m17-18: There's more lower stuff happening in this L.H. chord, maybe it makes sense to write it like this:

Possibly also with a G in the middle, since I'm hearing that one for a little bit too, like the C in m3 :p
-m21-24: I hear this in the R.H. in m21 and the L.H. in m21-24:

I see Static mentioned these too, but you don't really need an arpeggio marking, since the R.H. can take over some notes. I think adding in some of the lower parts could make a lot of difference, since otherwise most chords are in nearly the same register. The same thing applies to m27-28, albeit with different notes (and restriking the lower chord in m28)
-m33: The middle two ties of the L.H. chord are touching each other, it's probably best to flip their directions.
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Rubikium

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2022, 02:07:41 PM »

-I think this should just be in 4/4? (or 2/2 if you will). This is how I hear the first 6 bars:
The 8bit version is in 3/4, so I use it for the normal version too

-m3, 9 and 44: I think I hear a C underneath this L.H. chord too, at least for a little bit. It makes the chord sound a bit more dissonant than just a Gb major chord.
-m21-24: I hear this in the R.H. in m21 and the L.H. in m21-24: ...
The same thing applies to m27-28, albeit with different notes (and restriking the lower chord in m28)
Added

-m17-18: There's more lower stuff happening in this L.H. chord, maybe it makes sense to write it like this:
I opt for a different voicing to match the register of m13 chord (both dropping the bass C note), and to keep the parallel chord motion to m19

-m33: The middle two ties of the L.H. chord are touching each other, it's probably best to flip their directions.
Fixed. Didn't know ties can be flipped in Finale Notepad before ;)
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Bloop

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2022, 09:44:08 AM »

The 8bit version is in 3/4, so I use it for the normal version too
Ah, interesting, then that makes sense ^^ I looked a bit at what the exact rhythms of the chimes would be, since I felt it was written down a bit too complex, but it turns out being true to the original makes it even more complex lol. So, in that case, I'll accept!
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Libera

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2022, 02:18:44 PM »

Frostak's Cold Land

I'll be honest: this sheet is a bit rough.  I'll try to go over some general pointers.

At the moment, the sheet is very inconsistent in how much harmony is present, and in how it presents different parts from the original.  For example of inconsistent harmony, in bar 22 suddenly a chord appears in the second layer, whereas all of the previous bars only featured a single line in the RH, despite there being no appreciable change in the original at that point.  Often the bass is merged with other parts to create confusing and not particularly pianistic accompaniment patterns, like in bars 1-4, 29, 54-55, 72 and other places.

The harmony in the original is very lush, but in contrast the sheet consists of mostly single melody lines on top of these confusing left hand patterns.  I really would try to listen to the original closely and pick out more harmony to put in underneath the melody in the right hand.  As I said before, at the moment the harmony is added in very inconsistently.

For the left hand, I would suggest trying to make it easier to follow/more pianistic etc.  One thing that will help is to make it more consistent.  Sometimes the bar starts with an octave, a dyad, a chord, a single note, and it makes the part sound and look disjointed.  It would be fine if it was reflecting something from the original, but I can't tell the difference between all of these different places just by listening to the track.  Another thing that will help is to separate parts unless they really make sense together.  Take bar 4 for example: the way it is currently written obscures the descending bass pattern completely.  This sort of thing crops up all over the left hand, where parts have been merged together in a way that obscures fundamental parts of the piece.  Another example is bar 29, where beats 2-3 come from a completely different part (in a different register) and the first beat I don't even really hear in the original.



Here are some more specific comments, but I've been through the whole sheet in detail looking for note errors because I feel like this needs another pass from before it is worth me doing that.

-I wouldn't use the resize tool on the whole sheet.  The composer information/arranger information are now really small in comparison to everything else.  Just resize the staff size itself.
-A bunch of elements aren't correctly aligned (composer info, mini titles etc.)
-Your systems are really far apart from one another and it looks pretty strange.  I would suggest decreasing the number of bars per system and including more systems to make better use of the space.
-Another thing that is very inconsistent is the staff separation.  Unless you actually need to alter it for some reason, it would be best to leave it around 1".
-The RH of bar 4 doesn't sound like it should be the same as in bar 3.  It changes a lot there.



Let me know if you need any explanations/elaborations on anything.

Rubikium

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2022, 07:18:17 PM »

Frostak's Cold Land
The sheet has been revised, added harmony to most of right hand notes and cleaned up the left hand parts. Also, the layout is now fixed
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Libera

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2022, 10:58:24 PM »

Frostak's Cold Land

The sheet definitely does look cleaner now, but there are still a lot of inconsistencies as to how the sheet relates to the original.

My view is that this sheet needs more work done on it than is reasonable during these shorter projects, and so I think it would be better served in standard submissions, or redrafted in your PA thread.  I think this sheet is actually quite difficult to make a high-quality piano arrangement for and I don't think rushing it here is the best option for you, the updaters, or the site.

My apologies, as I doubt this is what you wanted to hear.

Rubikium

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Re: Rubikium's Space Travel Project Sheets
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2022, 11:10:00 AM »

I understand what you are coming from, so I'm okay with removing this sheet from the project
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