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mastersuperfan:
[PC] OMORI - "Stardust Diving"


Suggestions about the LH part on this one is appreciated; I just came up something that worked when I playtested it, but there might a better possibility, especially with the last section.

If I have time tonight, I might arrange another thing... I stayed up to do one more

[WiiU] Kirby and the Rainbow Curse - "Wonder Space"


No idea what's going on with the accidentals in this one

Static:
Wonder Space
I mainly just have comments about the ending section. Everything else looks pretty great.

* m21-24: Not sure I agree with these dynamics. It sounds like m21/23 are constant, while m22/24 crescendo through the bar.
* m25-26: There are 4 upper voices for each chord here, and the top voice sounds like it's going chromatically down. Here's what I'm getting:

(also Eb in m26 beat 4 should be D# - B7 chord)
The rest of the accidentals are correct, believe it or not. Lots of whole-tune scales, mM7 chords, and augmented 6ths...

Static:
Stardust Diving

* m1 LH: I hear D as the lowest note here (middle of the staff).
* m12/14 RH beat 2: This sounds like an 16th-8th-16th rhythm to me, like beats 3-4.
* m16 LH beat 3: The entire chord changes here to F#m/A. You could just write this measure as 2 half note chords.
* m17 RH: In the original track, the two voices intentionally cross through each other around beats 3-4. I think it might make more sense just to keep everything in the original octave there.
* m18 LH beat 1: A should be the lowest voice here I think, it's a D/A chord.
* m18 LH beats 3-4: Bass plays F# here, not A.
* m21 LH beats 3-4 Layer 1: I think the chord stays the same here, Em/G. The C# is only in the melody.
* m24 LH beats 1-2 Layer 1: What you have is correct, but I'd recommend adding a B (maybe change the A to B) and F# (above the D) here. It's an A13sus chord and I think it could sound a lot more full than what you have by adding those extensions.

mastersuperfan:

--- Quote from: Static on May 09, 2022, 01:00:29 AM ---Wonder Space

* m21-24: Not sure I agree with these dynamics. It sounds like m21/23 are constant, while m22/24 crescendo through the bar. since the piano can't crescendo on a held chord, I took a little bit of creative liberty to keep the dynamic variation in this section
* m25-26: There are 4 upper voices for each chord here, and the top voice sounds like it's going chromatically down. Here's what I'm getting:
(also Eb in m26 beat 4 should be D# - B7 chord) changed
--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: Static on May 09, 2022, 07:33:06 PM ---Stardust Diving

* m1 LH: I hear D as the lowest note here (middle of the staff). changed
* m12/14 RH beat 2: This sounds like an 16th-8th-16th rhythm to me, like beats 3-4. changed
* m16 LH beat 3: The entire chord changes here to F#m/A. You could just write this measure as 2 half note chords. not sure I did what you meant but I changed it
* m17 RH: In the original track, the two voices intentionally cross through each other around beats 3-4. I think it might make more sense just to keep everything in the original octave there. I feel like it really obscures the melody there on piano so I'll keep it as is unless the next updater feels otherwise. but to me it sounds obnoxious for the upper voice to play A three times in a row, it's clearly not a melody and putting it on top on piano makes it sound like one
* m18 LH beat 1: A should be the lowest voice here I think, it's a D/A chord. I still hear D as the bottom note
* m18 LH beats 3-4: Bass plays F# here, not A. changed
* m21 LH beats 3-4 Layer 1: I think the chord stays the same here, Em/G. The C# is only in the melody. changed
* m24 LH beats 1-2 Layer 1: What you have is correct, but I'd recommend adding a B (maybe change the A to B) and F# (above the D) here. It's an A13sus chord and I think it could sound a lot more full than what you have by adding those extensions. changed
--- End quote ---

I'm done with finals now so I'll be responding much more quickly to any further feedback. Thanks for looking!

Static:
Wonder Space
Approved

Stardust Diving

* m16 LH: That is what I meant, sorry if I was unclear. Looks good though.
* m17 RH: Makes sense to me, I figured that's probably what you were going for there but I thought I'd ask about it anyways. Either way seems like a good approach imo.
* m18 LH: I still hear A as the lowest note here, though it's softer than the D above it. I'd be fine leaving it as you have, though I'd still like someone else to take a listen.Approved

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