[MUL] Chicory: A Colorful Tale - "Teatime Meadows" by Rubikium

Started by Zeta, August 13, 2022, 09:12:09 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Chicory: A Colorful Tale
Console: Multiplatform
Title: Teatime Meadows
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Rubikium

[attachment deleted by admin]


Bloop

-m16: The 32nds here at the end of the measure are a bit cramped, but maybe you could write them as grace notes instead? Either at the start of m17 or before the barline here in m16. Same in m33.
-m22: The guitar at the start of this measure plays a little more laid-back compared to the measure before, but I'm not sure if writing the rhythm as strict 16ths really conveys that well. Maybe you could just keep it the same and let the player interpret it, or write the D-C as grace notes to the B so they fall a little bit later in the bar, or write the whole C-D-C-B figure as a turn? Same in m39.
-m25: I hear a B from the piano voice on beat 4.5 too, or did you leave that out consciously?
-m40: The bracket of the triplet clashes with the beam of the L.H.
-m43: I think I hear a little mordent on the R.H. F here.
-m47: I hear something like this in beat 3-4 in the R.H. rhythmically:
You cannot view this attachment.
-m57: Maybe the R.H. in beat 3-4 is more akin to a quarter triplet?
-m63-65: I'm not sure if you really need to write this as rhythmically as this, as it sounds like it's just played very freely. Maybe you could write the arpeggio in 8ths, make the second to last note (the D) a quarter note, and write "rit., freely" above it?

Rubikium

Quote from: Bloop on August 28, 2022, 07:08:18 AM-m22: The guitar at the start of this measure plays a little more laid-back compared to the measure before, but I'm not sure if writing the rhythm as strict 16ths really conveys that well. Maybe you could just keep it the same and let the player interpret it, or write the D-C as grace notes to the B so they fall a little bit later in the bar, or write the whole C-D-C-B figure as a turn? Same in m39.
I opt for keeping the mordent but adjust the C-B note to triplet 4th-8th notes, so that the B note is slightly delayed and the mordent notes aren't too detached from it.

Quote from: Bloop on August 28, 2022, 07:08:18 AM-m25: I hear a B from the piano voice on beat 4.5 too, or did you leave that out consciously?
I did leave that out consciously to emphasize the bass, but I decide to add back the arpeggio part in the current version since it can be played by the right hand.

Quote from: Bloop on August 28, 2022, 07:08:18 AM-m16: The 32nds here at the end of the measure are a bit cramped, but maybe you could write them as grace notes instead? Either at the start of m17 or before the barline here in m16. Same in m33.
-m40: The bracket of the triplet clashes with the beam of the L.H.
-m43: I think I hear a little mordent on the R.H. F here.
-m47: I hear something like this in beat 3-4 in the R.H. rhythmically:
You cannot view this attachment.
-m57: Maybe the R.H. in beat 3-4 is more akin to a quarter triplet?
-m63-65: I'm not sure if you really need to write this as rhythmically as this, as it sounds like it's just played very freely. Maybe you could write the arpeggio in 8ths, make the second to last note (the D) a quarter note, and write "rit., freely" above it?
All fixed

Bloop

About the newly added grace notes in m16 and 33: usually when you have a run of more than one grace note, we use 16th notes instead of 8th notes. Everything looks good though, so I'll approve!
You cannot view this attachment.

Maelstrom

^what bloop said
-m23 don't hear an obvious lift on the dotted half, but I know how messy double dotteds can be, esp when the ped. is already present
-m30 - I don't hear the RH restrike on b2.5, should just be a dotted 8th on b2
-m46-47 was driving me crazy. The RH E hits on b4.5 of m46 and the F on b1 of m47, but the G hits right before b1.5, but they all sound equally spaced. Up to you how you want to represent it, but it's not 2 16ths+G landing on b1 of m47.
-m48-49 has a similar almost-triplet like shape spanning the barline (the E hits slightly before b1 of m49) but I guess it might be ok as is because cross-measure triplets are a nightmare.
m52-53 is similarly a headache. This is what I got:

-m55 - all RH notes are slightly desynced, but equal length. Straight 8ths might be best here. I'd welcome ideas.
-Again, can use a bit of vertical space granted to the page titles but we can fix that last.

otherwise, another nice relaxing song with a great arrangement

Rubikium

Quote from: Bloop on September 03, 2022, 12:00:37 PMAbout the newly added grace notes in m16 and 33: usually when you have a run of more than one grace note, we use 16th notes instead of 8th notes.
Quote from: Maelstrom on September 04, 2022, 02:59:04 PM^what bloop said
-m23 don't hear an obvious lift on the dotted half, but I know how messy double dotteds can be, esp when the ped. is already present
-m30 - I don't hear the RH restrike on b2.5, should just be a dotted 8th on b2
Got them

Quote from: Maelstrom on September 04, 2022, 02:59:04 PM-m46-47 was driving me crazy. The RH E hits on b4.5 of m46 and the F on b1 of m47, but the G hits right before b1.5, but they all sound equally spaced. Up to you how you want to represent it, but it's not 2 16ths+G landing on b1 of m47.
-m48-49 has a similar almost-triplet like shape spanning the barline (the E hits slightly before b1 of m49) but I guess it might be ok as is because cross-measure triplets are a nightmare.
m52-53 is similarly a headache. This is what I got:
-m55 - all RH notes are slightly desynced, but equal length. Straight 8ths might be best here. I'd welcome ideas.
For this section, I notate the equal length notes such that the start and end notes is accurate, and then place the others with increased note length for the latter ones if there are no convenient lengths.

Latios212

Quote from: Bloop on August 28, 2022, 07:08:18 AM-m22: The guitar at the start of this measure plays a little more laid-back compared to the measure before, but I'm not sure if writing the rhythm as strict 16ths really conveys that well. Maybe you could just keep it the same and let the player interpret it, or write the D-C as grace notes to the B so they fall a little bit later in the bar, or write the whole C-D-C-B figure as a turn? Same in m39.
I disagree here - I think it would be best as four 16th notes. They sound about evenly spaced and the third note lines up with beat 1.5 pretty well.

A few notes about rhythm on the last page: it very clearly makes heavy use of rubato, so I would strongly caution against trying to write in anything too precise. It's easy to write in something very prescriptive based on the original but doesn't make a lot of sense when reading. You can write in a textual instruction to play rubato and leave the melody as something that is nice to read but doesn't match exactly. All that said, I think this is fine overall but I would definitely suggest simplifying the phrase in 46-47 and the one in 55. I feel that dotted 16ths in straight 4/4 are a red flag that indicates needing to take a step back.

One other thing, for the slurs covering a phrase like in m. 17-18 I think the left end should cover the grace notes at the start too.
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Rubikium

Quote from: Latios212 on September 11, 2022, 02:00:33 PMI disagree here - I think it would be best as four 16th notes. They sound about evenly spaced and the third note lines up with beat 1.5 pretty well.

One other thing, for the slurs covering a phrase like in m. 17-18 I think the left end should cover the grace notes at the start too.
All changed

Quote from: Latios212 on September 11, 2022, 02:00:33 PMA few notes about rhythm on the last page: it very clearly makes heavy use of rubato, so I would strongly caution against trying to write in anything too precise. It's easy to write in something very prescriptive based on the original but doesn't make a lot of sense when reading. You can write in a textual instruction to play rubato and leave the melody as something that is nice to read but doesn't match exactly. All that said, I think this is fine overall but I would definitely suggest simplifying the phrase in 46-47 and the one in 55. I feel that dotted 16ths in straight 4/4 are a red flag that indicates needing to take a step back.
Added the rubato instructions and adjusted the mentioned phrases

Maelstrom

this one's super super close
Just 2 quick things:
-Break the beam in m55 between the pair of 8ths and the dotted 8th.
-You've got space on the final page, so use it to move the top system down a bit so the slur isn't uncomfortably between the mini title and page number.

That should be it

Rubikium

The beam has been broken, but I will need help on moving the systems since I'm using Notepad. Feel free to accept this once this is fixed

Latios212

Taken care of! I also moved the systems a bit closer together on page 1 so they're not so close to the footer.

Also, handy tip - generally better to use expression text instead of text boxes for anything placed relative to the staff. That way when you move systems around, the text will move along with it (m. 25, 43 here). I think there's ways to attach a text box to the staff, but I usually just make everything expression text.
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle


Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Maelstrom.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot