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[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby's Dream Land 3
Console: Super Nintendo Entertainment System
Title: Grass Land 1
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: LeviR.star

[LeviR.star]

[Latios212]

Thanks for giving this game some love! A classic if uncommonly talked about piece...

Nice arrangement, overall really clean. The 8th-16th-16th bass works pretty well, and the minor tweaks you made in a few places like m. 14 and 58 make sense to me to keep it in a nice range of playability.

Here's a few comments:
- It would be a lot easier for the right hand to play the upper triads in m. 2. It's not a super easy jump for the left hand to/from the chords at the beginning of m. 2 and 3, and the right hand isn't doing anything. It is a bit of a jump to m. 3 to the high G but definitely easier since it's only one note.
- How about some dynamic contrast between the intro and when the bass drops?
- First melody G in m. 35 should be held through beat 2 (similar to m. 27)
- The 8va in m. 50 is sticking out at the end of m. 49
- Similar comment as in your previous submission about combining layers. I think it'd be neater to just combine them wherever the rhythm matches, especially as the lower notes do follow the same contour as the melody here like in the second half of m. 27. It'd also help point out to the reader exactly where the melody differs from the lower part which is particularly notable when the G is sometimes held and sometimes restruck on beat 2. Give it a shot and see if you like it. One thing to note though is that I would actually separate out the A half note in m. 56 so you can more easily see that the previous line resolves to that A.

[LeviR.star]

- It would be a lot easier for the right hand to play the upper triads in m. 2. It's not a super easy jump for the left hand to/from the chords at the beginning of m. 2 and 3, and the right hand isn't doing anything. It is a bit of a jump to m. 3 to the high G but definitely easier since it's only one note.
- How about some dynamic contrast between the intro and when the bass drops?
- First melody G in m. 35 should be held through beat 2 (similar to m. 27)
- The 8va in m. 50 is sticking out at the end of m. 49
- Similar comment as in your previous submission about combining layers. I think it'd be neater to just combine them wherever the rhythm matches, especially as the lower notes do follow the same contour as the melody here like in the second half of m. 27. It'd also help point out to the reader exactly where the melody differs from the lower part which is particularly notable when the G is sometimes held and sometimes restruck on beat 2. Give it a shot and see if you like it. One thing to note though is that I would actually separate out the A half note in m. 56 so you can more easily see that the previous line resolves to that A.

- okay, I've set it so that the hands switch the chords pattern on beat 2 of m. 1, is this good only for a temporary solution, or will it work?
- I can start the piece off with a mezzo-piano and change it to mezzo-forte at m. 11, how's that?
- got it
- oops, didn't notice that before. Thanks
- yeah, not sure why I didn't mess with this stuff a little more before submitting the sheet, but they should be in a better shape now

Files are updated, thanks for the feedback.

[Latios212]

Great! Just a few things:

- okay, I've set it so that the hands switch the chords pattern on beat 2 of m. 1, is this good only for a temporary solution, or will it work?

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "temporary solution", but here's what I'm suggesting:

Switching to have the RH play the chords in m. 1 is good, although I'd recommend switching on beat 3 since there's no rush and the right hand is quite high on beat 1. My main point was putting m. 2 beat 1 in the left hand as in my image.

- I can start the piece off with a mezzo-piano and change it to mezzo-forte at m. 11, how's that?

Good, though a courtesy mp at m. 3 might be nice to signal a dynamic change when coming back from the loop.

- yeah, not sure why I didn't mess with this stuff a little more before submitting the sheet, but they should be in a better shape now

I'd suggest combining layers in the first half of m. 53 and second half of m. 54 as well. Otherwise, looks good!

[LeviR.star]

Great! Just a few things:
I'm not quite sure what you mean by "temporary solution", but here's what I'm suggesting:

Switching to have the RH play the chords in m. 1 is good, although I'd recommend switching on beat 3 since there's no rush and the right hand is quite high on beat 1. My main point was putting m. 2 beat 1 in the left hand as in my image.
Good, though a courtesy mp at m. 3 might be nice to signal a dynamic change when coming back from the loop.
I'd suggest combining layers in the first half of m. 53 and second half of m. 54 as well. Otherwise, looks good!

There, all of that should be taken care of. Thanks again!

[Latios212]

Awesome. Looks great

[LeviR.star]

It's been a month now, time to bump this topic.

[Static]

It's been a month now, time to bump this topic.

Surprise! feedback:

• m6/9 LH beats 3-4: The lower voice stays on F here.
• There are some subtle chord changes and extensions that appear throughout. I'll let you decide which ones you want to include or not, since some of them might make the LH part harder than it needs to be.
  
  • m12/16 beats 3-4: Cadd9
  • m14/17 beats 1-2: G9sus
  • m14/17 beats 3-4: G7
  • m19: Abmaj7
  • m20: Abmaj9
  • m21: Gm7
  • m22: Gm9
  • m57: G7sus4
  • These are ones I thought were most noticeable, but there's a bunch more. I won't keep going bc the list will be very long, but if you use any kind of channel splitting program you should be able to find these changes easily. Let me know if you want help with this.
  In general, I would probably prioritize adding the sus chords since they contribute the most to the progression. Also, if possible, prioritizing the 3rd and 7th over the 5th in sparse voicing is preferred since those contribute more to the quality of the chord. The unaltered 5th is the least essential component of almost any chord. For this accompaniment pattern specifically, avoiding the root in the 16th notes might be helpful as well, since that's already covered in the bass 8th notes.
• m30/38 RH Layer 2: The A rearticulates on beat 2.
• m45 RH beat 4.75: There's a 16th note D here too like in the next measure, but it's obscured by all the other stuff going on.

[LeviR.star]

Surprise! feedback:

• m6/9 LH beats 3-4: The lower voice stays on F here.
• m30/38 RH Layer 2: The A rearticulates on beat 2.
• m45 RH beat 4.75: There's a 16th note D here too like in the next measure, but it's obscured by all the other stuff going on.

- got it
- got that too
- and got that, three for three

• There are some subtle chord changes and extensions that appear throughout. I'll let you decide which ones you want to include or not, since some of them might make the LH part harder than it needs to be.
  
  • m12/16 beats 3-4: Cadd9
  • m14/17 beats 1-2: G9sus
  • m14/17 beats 3-4: G7
  • m19: Abmaj7
  • m20: Abmaj9
  • m21: Gm7
  • m22: Gm9
  • m57: G7sus4
  • These are ones I thought were most noticeable, but there's a bunch more. I won't keep going bc the list will be very long, but if you use any kind of channel splitting program you should be able to find these changes easily. Let me know if you want help with this.
  In general, I would probably prioritize adding the sus chords since they contribute the most to the progression. Also, if possible, prioritizing the 3rd and 7th over the 5th in sparse voicing is preferred since those contribute more to the quality of the chord. The unaltered 5th is the least essential component of almost any chord. For this accompaniment pattern specifically, avoiding the root in the 16th notes might be helpful as well, since that's already covered in the bass 8th notes.

I know these chord changes are present, I can hear them, but after messing around with them in the LH part, I have no idea how I'm going to go about incorporating them. The 7 chords where the root is on beats 1 and 3 stretch the hand too far apart, and more often than not, the 9 chords just become sus2 chords because the third is the closest possible note to shift into the ninth's place. Plus, with the added extensions, the most practical way to play these arpeggiated figures often ends ends up creating too much dissonance against the melody. You played around with these possibilities, right? This sheet is hard enough to play already, and I'm stumped as to how we can make this work. I'm thankful that you want to add in these extensions, but right now they're creating too many problems, at least when I'm trying my hand at it. Until we figure something out, presumably over Discord, I'll leave the LH part unchanged.

Files are updated, for now.

[Static]

I know these chord changes are present, I can hear them, but after messing around with them in the LH part, I have no idea how I'm going to go about incorporating them. The 7 chords where the root is on beats 1 and 3 stretch the hand too far apart, and more often than not, the 9 chords just become sus2 chords because the third is the closest possible note to shift into the ninth's place. Plus, with the added extensions, the most practical way to play these arpeggiated figures often ends ends up creating too much dissonance against the melody. You played around with these possibilities, right? This sheet is hard enough to play already, and I'm stumped as to how we can make this work. I'm thankful that you want to add in these extensions, but right now they're creating too many problems, at least when I'm trying my hand at it. Until we figure something out, presumably over Discord, I'll leave the LH part unchanged.

Yeah that's fair. Like I mentioned, don't make any changes if you think they'd make the part needlessly difficult. I think the sus4 chords would work fine though, since it's just moving the third up. Leaving out the upper extensions is probably better for this particular LH pattern.

Other changes look good

[LeviR.star]

Yeah that's fair. Like I mentioned, don't make any changes if you think they'd make the part needlessly difficult. I think the sus4 chords would work fine though, since it's just moving the third up. Leaving out the upper extensions is probably better for this particular LH pattern.

You got it. Sometime soon I'll send you a work-in-progress draft with the sus4 chords implemented.

[LeviR.star]

Okay, so, Static and I talked over Discord, and we decided to change several of the regular G chords to G sus2 chords. These can now be found in m. 14, 26, 30, 38, and 57. Unrelated to these chord changes, I've changed beat 3 of the m. 10 LH to a quarter note, so the transition is more convincing. A few more questions about this:

- have I got all of these retrigger/no retrigger on beat 2 spots down? It seems like there's no rhyme or reason to them

Examples (as a refresher)

[close]

- how does the very last bar sound? Any issues with it?
- the patterns at m. 46 and 50 sound like they've got a more complex rhythm than the bars directly before them, but they come across to me as faux echoes rather than legitimates rhythm. Plus, I like the way they sound as I have them right now: a direct imitation, an octave up. Thoughts? Here's the isolated track for anyone that wants to hear it

Aside from those questions, my files are updated.

[Static]

- have I got all of these retrigger/no retrigger on beat 2 spots down? It seems like there's no rhyme or reason to them

These all sound and look correct.

- how does the very last bar sound? Any issues with it?

Sounds fine to me.

- the patterns at m. 46 and 50 sound like they've got a more complex rhythm than the bars directly before them, but they come across to me as faux echoes rather than legitimates rhythm. Plus, I like the way they sound as I have them right now: a direct imitation, an octave up. Thoughts? Here's the isolated track for anyone that wants to hear it

imo you should probably just leave out the echo. It doesn't really add much to the arrangement with the already rhythmically busy LH part, and the simplified rhythm also better shows the response/imitation of the previous bars.


I'll accept, nice work on this.

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Static.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot