-m4 and 8: You could add a courtesy accidental to the Eb in the R.H., since it comes after the En, though it's not as necessary
Added!
-m6: The jump from the R.H. C up to the En in m7 is quite big and fast: you could consider writing the C on beat 3.5 as a dotted quarter instead, or maybe writing the note on beat 4.5 as a smaller note with parentheses.
Honestly don't have an issue with this when I tried myself, but I also have somewhat long arms. I have done your parentheses suggestion
-m9: This measure shouldn't be here, it goes to m10 immediately after m8. I'll use the original measure count for now though.
Wow not sure how I missed that one. I've made some additional changes to the spacing with one fewer measure now in the arrangement
-m12: Maybe you could add p or mp here as a dynamic marking?
Added mp idk I think p too soft
-m19: Same thing as in m6 but upside down, the jump from the high C down to m20 is quite big and fast: I'd suggest just either removing or shrinking-and-parenthesizing the last R.H. note.
I'll handle this the same way as before
-m23: You could add a staccato on every off-beat 8th, and/or add slurs from the 8th before the staccato'd notes to the staccato'd notes.
I added staccatos on the offbeats as well as the slurs
-m24: Maybe you could try adding some notes in the R.H. on beat 1 to imitate the brass hit?
Added some notes, though it certainly makes this a bit tougher, and I'm not 100% on if there's actually more than two C's and an A
-m25: I hear Eb's above the R.H. in beat 2.5 and 3.5
added
-m27: You could try to add some (octave transposed) harmony of the second piano line in this measure, so it's not just a single-note line.
Yeah I had this originally, though I didn't like it too much. I've readded some stuff for this measure but do let me know if you have better ideas.
-m32: I think you can add a D in the middle of the L.H. dyad in beat 1
Good addition, brings out the D more
Updated thanks! One small ask for m24: is the the 8th note and triplet correct to be tied like that?