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[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon HeartGold Version & Pokémon SoulSilver Version
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: National Park
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Olimar12345

[Olimar12345]

[XiaoMigros]

Notes:

• The 7th note on the second system should have a double flat assigned to it, just to make it clear. Also, do you intend for this downward run to be played only with one hand? If not, perhaps you could show that similarly to how you did on the previous system.
• All the rolled eighth note chords sound like inversions of the same diminished chord, always voiced with 4 notes.
• In the run after that, I hear the second note as Eb3, and you're missing a Gb5 at the end.
• In the following chord, I don't think there are as many Abs as you have written, I'm not hearing the lowest one nor the one in the RH.
• After that, I still don't think there's an Ab in the RH, and the C turns into a Bb. There's also an Eb4 in there, and I think there might be an Eb3 again in the LH but it's hard to tell.
• In the last chord in the cadenza, I hear Gb5 instead of Ab5.
• m3 b1.5 LH should be Bbb
• m4 b3.5 the lower Ab in the LH should be an Eb
• m8&m12 b4.5 LH sounds to me like a Gb
• I hear something slightly different for m11 (also it might be worth including the Db at b3.5 to get that extra color in early on):
  Spoiler

  

  [close]
• m14-17: I don't hear the top notes in the LH dyads, were they intentionally added?
• m14: I hear an Ab3 on b3.66 and an F3 on b4.5, which should be easy enough for the LH
• m19 LH: I hear Bbb-Db on beats 1.25-1.5. I think the last two notes are Bb-Cb, but you have those in the RH already and what you have written flows better so idk
• Is the LH in m20 intentionally changed? If possible it would be nice to get some more of the last chord in, with the Db and Gb..
• I hear something more like this for m21 (some stuff omitted for clarity/playability):
  Spoiler

  

  [close]
• m22&23: Maybe you could include the background piano's Bb and Bbb respectively on b1 of the RH?
• m23 b2.5: In the original the Db here is a Gb, thoughts?
• m25: I hear a chord punch on beat 2.5 and not beat 3.5, maybe you could exchange the LH figures you have written there?
• m27&m31: I think the chord here is comprised of Gb, Bbb, and Eb
• m28: I don't think the chord here has an Eb in it, and maybe you could add some grace notes to fit in the chromatic entry?
• m29: It might be worth including the 7th here in some places, particularly towards the end it's quite audible. Also the F in the last chord should be sharpened.
• m34: I don't hear the chords here, maybe you could focus on the bass instead? That would also lower the intensity and fade better into m35..

Formatting:

• I feel like the RH rest in m29 could be moved up a little
• The 8va marking in the first system could have its hook tucked in towards the note
• There's also the question of whether all of the text markings fulfill the site's formatting guidelines, but since I like what you have currently I'll let someone more experienced comment on that

Beautiful sheet, sorry if I was a little nit-picky!

[Olimar12345]

Hi XiaoMigros! Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to look at my little arrangement. ^^ Many of the reasons "why" I made the choices I did were to facilitate the piano-playing, so that is why at times it is not exactly what is sounding in the original. My priority was to preserve the melody and to create an accompaniment that worked well with it and kept the essence of the original, not to create an exact note-for-note transcription. That said, I made several changes at your recommendations:

• The 7th note on the second system should have a double flat assigned to it, just to make it clear. Also, do you intend for this downward run to be played only with one hand? If not, perhaps you could show that similarly to how you did on the previous system.
• All the rolled eighth note chords sound like inversions of the same diminished chord, always voiced with 4 notes.
• In the run after that, I hear the second note as Eb3, and you're missing a Gb5 at the end.
• In the following chord, I don't think there are as many Abs as you have written, I'm not hearing the lowest one nor the one in the RH.
• After that, I still don't think there's an Ab in the RH, and the C turns into a Bb. There's also an Eb4 in there, and I think there might be an Eb3 again in the LH but it's hard to tell.
• In the last chord in the cadenza, I hear Gb5 instead of Ab5.

-Thanks, I added the double flat. I prefer to leave that run undictated. The figure prior had stark jumps, whereas this figure is more scalular. I would rather leave that one up to the performer to decide, since it could work well several different ways.
-I agree with this after the first two chords 
-Great catches, thank you. I've added these.
-Agree on the lowest one. Moved some stuff around to a place I like better now.
-Hm. I disagree about the Bb, as a natural 9th would jump out at you more (hard to "hide" an addition like that). Plus the C is sounding loud and clear there... I think I'll opt to keep it.
-Good catch, I've switched this over.

• m3 b1.5 LH should be Bbb
• m4 b3.5 the lower Ab in the LH should be an Eb
• m8&m12 b4.5 LH sounds to me like a Gb
• I hear something slightly different for m11 (also it might be worth including the Db at b3.5 to get that extra color in early on):
  Spoiler

  

  [close]

-Thanks, edited.
-Sounds nice, changed.
-I'm keeping the F here, as this was intentional. The harmony here is a beautiful Fm7/Ab-F7/A-Bb7 (with that lovely chromatically ascending bass line of Ab-A-Bb). In order to make it fit more nicely into a single hand, I've spelled it out in root position, so we need that F. There is a Gb in that F7/A (technically making it a b9), but putting it as the lowest note causes too much disruption imo, so I omitted it.
-Made some changes to that measure too.

• m14-17: I don't hear the top notes in the LH dyads, were they intentionally added?
• m14: I hear an Ab3 on b3.66 and an F3 on b4.5, which should be easy enough for the LH
• m19 LH: I hear Bbb-Db on beats 1.25-1.5. I think the last two notes are Bb-Cb, but you have those in the RH already and what you have written flows better so idk
• Is the LH in m20 intentionally changed? If possible it would be nice to get some more of the last chord in, with the Db and Gb..
• I hear something more like this for m21 (some stuff omitted for clarity/playability):
  Spoiler

  

  [close]

-Yes.
-Not sure what you're trying to say here with all of the abbreviations lol. sorry...
-The Bbb is up in the air for me there, but I opted for the fifth (Db) to avoid too much muddy lows in that part of the piano's range. I don't hear a perfect 4th that you're suggesting with the Db at all, though.
-Yes, that measure was intentionally written that way.
-I'd prefer what I wrote there.

• m22&23: Maybe you could include the background piano's Bb and Bbb respectively on b1 of the RH?
• m23 b2.5: In the original the Db here is a Gb, thoughts?
• m25: I hear a chord punch on beat 2.5 and not beat 3.5, maybe you could exchange the LH figures you have written there?
• m27&m31: I think the chord here is comprised of Gb, Bbb, and Eb
• m28: I don't think the chord here has an Eb in it, and maybe you could add some grace notes to fit in the chromatic entry?
• m29: It might be worth including the 7th here in some places, particularly towards the end it's quite audible. Also the F in the last chord should be sharpened.
• m34: I don't hear the chords here, maybe you could focus on the bass instead? That would also lower the intensity and fade better into m35..

-Omitted for playability. It's pretty, but a rolled chord that fast up another perfect fourth would make it very difficult to pull off at that speed. I'm sure someone can play that, but I want more than that "someone" to be able to play this d:
-LH? Not sure I follow... As I mentioned, many of these chords were inverted/edited to catch enough of the essence of the original, not a note-for-note transcription.
-I do have a chord "punch" on the up beat of 2 there... the one on the up-beat of three was added to keep motion moving forward.
-This was intentional.
-Eb is the b7 of the Fm7. I did not transcribe the bass part here, which is why it's half step motion was omitted.
-...the seventh (Ab) is present in this measure...(?) Good catch with hearing that groovy #5 though. Added that right in.
-This again was intentional. The priority in this measure was the diminuendo. I did not want to draw attention to any new material here; I wanted what was happening to keep happening while fading down for the D.C.

Formatting:

• I feel like the RH rest in m29 could be moved up a little
• The 8va marking in the first system could have its hook tucked in towards the note
• There's also the question of whether all of the text markings fulfill the site's formatting guidelines, but since I like what you have currently I'll let someone more experienced comment on that

-Seems at home to me, since it's a lower layer. It's consistent with the rest of the arrangement as well.
-Could you elaborate on this?
-What do you mean?

The files are current.

[XiaoMigros]

Hi! Thanks for your swift response :) As could be deduced from your sheet, you combined elements directly from the original with your own adaptation, and the result is beautiful! My intent was not to 'make corrections' per se, but rather to share my thoughts and provide a different perspective. In hindsight I should have made that clear. I'm still fairly confident in what I hear, so I could talk in-depth about all the changes you did or didn't make (I would enjoy that), but I think it's better if I simply try to answer any questions that arose...

-Not sure what you're trying to say here with all of the abbreviations lol. sorry...

The piano lick you wrote in the lower layer plays diads throughout, which could potentially be played by the LH.

-LH? Not sure I follow... As I mentioned, many of these chords were inverted/edited to catch enough of the essence of the original, not a note-for-note transcription.

Yes, I don't think I hear the Db in the LH. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be in the sheet, I just thought it might be worth mentioning.

-...the seventh (Ab) is present in this measure...(?)

I must have skipped over the high Ab in the RH, my bad. This section looks fine how it is :p

-Seems at home to me, since it's a lower layer. It's consistent with the rest of the arrangement as well.

This is just a personal preference of mine, and I was aware of its consistency before too. Regardless, it's obviously fine if you want to keep it where it is.

-Could you elaborate on this?

I think the hook of the 8va marking is a little too close to the end of the measure, so the (horizontal) line could be a little shorter to more neatly cover the notes.

-What do you mean?

I remember a few submissions back I was advised to change the position and appearance of some of my tempo and text expressions to better conform both to one another and also to other sheets on site. It's possible that some changes may be recommended for this sheet as well, particularly the cadenza, but I don't feel qualified to critique what you have nor do I personally see an issue with it.

I hope this helps! Let me know if anything else was unclear.

[Olimar12345]

The piano lick you wrote in the lower layer plays diads throughout, which could potentially be played by the LH.

The lower voice in those triplets clearly ends on the C, listen back to that. You might be confusing it with another voice?

Yes, I don't think I hear the Db in the LH. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be in the sheet, I just thought it might be worth mentioning.

Oh, well as I mentioned this isn't an exact transcription. The harmony there is a GbmM7, so Db is the fifth. I was more confused with how you worded it "Db should be Gb." I already have Gb appropriately represented in that measure, and it seemed like you were saying to add it like, above that second-ledger-line F, which would be wacky-town.

I think the hook of the 8va marking is a little too close to the end of the measure, so the (horizontal) line could be a little shorter to more neatly cover the notes.

What's wrong with the hook being in line with the barline? I really almost extended it downward on that end too like the left, tbh.

I remember a few submissions back I was advised to change the position and appearance of some of my tempo and text expressions to better conform both to one another and also to other sheets on site. It's possible that some changes may be recommended for this sheet as well, particularly the cadenza, but I don't feel qualified to critique what you have nor do I personally see an issue with it.

I don't know why/how they wouldn't "fulfill the site's formatting guidelines..." I am not sure if you mean by having too much, too little, or too unclear, but I think they are pretty appropriate as and where I have them. Was there a specific one or few that you meant by this? (just seems superfluous, like "this might be an issue but it might not")

[XiaoMigros]

The lower voice in those triplets clearly ends on the C, listen back to that. You might be confusing it with another voice?

That's possible, but I'm pretty sure it's part of the same voice, it sounds like the same instrument and feels like a natural continuation.

Oh, well as I mentioned this isn't an exact transcription. The harmony there is a GbmM7, so Db is the fifth. I was more confused with how you worded it "Db should be Gb." I already have Gb appropriately represented in that measure, and it seemed like you were saying to add it like, above that second-ledger-line F, which would be wacky-town.

Yeah, please excuse my poor wording. What you have works much better in the context of this arrangement, I was just pointing out what I heard in the original. So, no change needed!

What's wrong with the hook being in line with the barline? I really almost extended it downward on that end too like the left, tbh.

I just thought it was standard practice to end the line a little closer to the notehead, but if you'd rather not do that that's fine. You could extend it downwards if you want to though I think it's clear enough as you have it.

I don't know why/how they wouldn't "fulfill the site's formatting guidelines..." I am not sure if you mean by having too much, too little, or too unclear, but I think they are pretty appropriate as and where I have them. Was there a specific one or few that you meant by this? (just seems superfluous, like "this might be an issue but it might not")

Oh yeah, they definitely aren't inappropriately used, they're really helpful! Specifically I was thinking of the way some of the tempo alteration markings are placed between the staves, since that contradicts what I was once told of them being placed above both staves (and being bold rather than italicised). I guess it's a little superfluous I just wasn't sure if it should apply here or not but wanted to mention it anyway.

[Olimar12345]

I just thought it was standard practice to end the line a little closer to the notehead, but if you'd rather not do that that's fine. You could extend it downwards if you want to though I think it's clear enough as you have it.

I don't remember if that is a standard or not, but sometimes I like to extend it the duration of the note if it doesn't get in the way of something else. But about the extended vertical line: Charles Ives used to completely surround some passages in boxes with 8va lines for clarity and I always loved how that looked. xD His "114 Songs" songbook comes to mind, which among many other things is a fascinating collection to explore. (there were MANY other more complex notational thingies in there that are a trip and a half; definitely worth a trip to IMSLP!)

[Olimar12345]

Cleaned up some small stuff, reuploaded.

[Olimar12345]

Bump.

[Bloop]

Sorry for the very long wait on this one! Great work on this sheet! It was tough to go through all the little details in a piece this harmonically and orchestratically dense, but I did notice some details:
 
-In the 'second' measure of the intro cadenza, the second note of the 11-tuplet should be an Eb instead of an Bbb. Also, is there a reason you showed the 11 for this 11-tuplet, but not the 14 for the 14-tuplet?
-In the second to last chord in the intro cadenza (the full Ab7 one), I hear a Bb in there in the R.H. (I think instead of the Ab)
-m6: The slur in the L.H. starting on beat 2 appears horizontal in the pdf, but I see it's not in the .musx. I hope this'll fix itself in the next pdf export ;p
-m8 and 12: Another option to add in the F7b9/A chord on beat 4.5 is to change the F to An-C-Gb, continuing with how the strings move instead of continuing the back and forth motion.
-m14: I hear an Ab under the R.H. F in the third 8th triplet of beat 3.
-m28: I hear an An after the Ab in the 16th grace note run before beat 2.5
-m29: I think I hear a C on top of the the D(b5) chord on beat 4.75 too. Also, it might be easier to read the F# in this chord as Gb, because it could easily be confused as a D major chord while reading.

[Olimar12345]

-In the 'second' measure of the intro cadenza, the second note of the 11-tuplet should be an Eb instead of an Bbb. Also, is there a reason you showed the 11 for this 11-tuplet, but not the 14 for the 14-tuplet?

Good catch, Eb it is. The 11 should have been hidden too, I just overlooked that.

-In the second to last chord in the intro cadenza (the full Ab7 one), I hear a Bb in there in the R.H. (I think instead of the Ab)

Yikes, I completely disagree with this. I hear zero trace of a Bb in that chord (especially absent from the decay).

-m6: The slur in the L.H. starting on beat 2 appears horizontal in the pdf, but I see it's not in the .musx. I hope this'll fix itself in the next pdf export ;p

Thanks for letting me know!

-m8 and 12: Another option to add in the F7b9/A chord on beat 4.5 is to change the F to An-C-Gb, continuing with how the strings move instead of continuing the back and forth motion.

Thanks for the suggestion, but I had it return to the pedal point on purpose to lead more easily to the next note on beat 1 of the following measure.

-m14: I hear an Ab under the R.H. F in the third 8th triplet of beat 3.

This was an instance where I intentionally left that out. That passage is already awkward to play and the LH is already supplying an Ab, so I 86'd the doubled fifth.

-m28: I hear an An after the Ab in the 16th grace note run before beat 2.5

I do as well! But yes, as you guessed I did not include this on purpose again! Playing it as I have it written is much easier than how it is in the sound file. That was kind of my goal with this arrangement; to make it not impossible to play d: (not that the figure with the A is impossible, but instances like this add up if you know what I mean).

-m29: I think I hear a C on top of the the D(b5) chord on beat 4.75 too. Also, it might be easier to read the F# in this chord as Gb, because it could easily be confused as a D major chord while reading.

I don't quite hear the C you're talking about here, and was viewing that chord as the same as the previous chord (just adding the 7th: Bbaug > Bbaug7/D).

However, I totally get the concern, but how about a courtesy accidental on the Ab? The harmony stays the same (sans the seventh added in that beat), so it would be more of an issue I think to see that note change from F# to Gb.

Files have been updated!

[Bloop]

Yikes, I completely disagree with this. I hear zero trace of a Bb in that chord (especially absent from the decay).

Ah yeah, I don't hear it as much at original speed compared to slowed down. Maybe there's some overtone business going on there.

That was kind of my goal with this arrangement; to make it not impossible to play d: (not that the figure with the A is impossible, but instances like this add up if you know what I mean).

I understand! I always play-test my suggestions too to check if they aren't too hard either, but I can see all the little things adding up ^^ The sheet has some hard spots as is.

However, I totally get the concern, but how about a courtesy accidental on the Ab? The harmony stays the same (sans the seventh added in that beat), so it would be more of an issue I think to see that note change from F# to Gb.

That works too! I hadn't considered the Bb+ chord because of the changed bass and absence of Bb in the chord itself, but I see where you're coming from ^^

I'll approve!

[XiaoMigros]

This looks wonderful! I have nothing else to add, so I'll accept!

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by XiaoMigros.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot