[PC] Summer Pockets - "Twinkle of Alcor" by Libera

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Summer Pockets
Console: PC
Title: Twinkle of Alcor
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Libera

[attachment deleted by admin]

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Libera]

[XiaoMigros]

• m1 & m3: I hear the LH figure a little different, beat 1 sounds an octave lower and (I think?) there's a G above the Ds
• m9 b2.5: There's an E here
• m26 b3: I don't hear the F# here, there is a prominent E# though

[Latios212]

Agreed with the comments above, in addition:
- I pretty distinctly hear an Ab at the bottom of the RH rolled chord in m. 1/3
- The Eb whole note in the RH of m. 2/4 should be D (harmony has already changed to the chord written in on beat 3)
- m. 8 LH beat 3 sounds like it has a C on top of the G
- The ties would probably look better bent back downwards at the end of m. 7 and 9
- I think the beat 3 chords in m. 13/15 sound like they have an Ab on bottom
- It's a bit of an unusual thing to do in Finale that I think makes sense visually - I feel it'd be clearer to write the harmonies of m. 18 beat 2.75 as part of the upper layer instead, tying into the quarter note on beat 3 of the lower layer.

(Note to self that I only got up to m. 16, will check the rest next time)

[Libera]

Sorry for the late response... Thanks for having a look you two!

m1 & m3: I hear the LH figure a little different, beat 1 sounds an octave lower and (I think?) there's a G above the Ds

I was trying to differentiate this section from the later ones and make it lighter, but it's probably just better as heard, so I've changed it.

m9 b2.5: There's an E here

Fixed.  Nice spot.

m26 b3: I don't hear the F# here, there is a prominent E# though

Hmm I hear the suspension over the E# and I think getting the resolution and the mix of harmony is better achieved with the F# on beat 3.  I'd like to leave it as-is.

- I pretty distinctly hear an Ab at the bottom of the RH rolled chord in m. 1/3
- The Eb whole note in the RH of m. 2/4 should be D (harmony has already changed to the chord written in on beat 3)
- m. 8 LH beat 3 sounds like it has a C on top of the G
- The ties would probably look better bent back downwards at the end of m. 7 and 9
- I think the beat 3 chords in m. 13/15 sound like they have an Ab on bottom
- It's a bit of an unusual thing to do in Finale that I think makes sense visually - I feel it'd be clearer to write the harmonies of m. 18 beat 2.75 as part of the upper layer instead, tying into the quarter note on beat 3 of the lower layer.

Should all be fixed!

Files updated with the above, thanks again.

[Latios212]

Neat, changes look good! Except somehow the con pedale got super close to the beam in m. 1.

(Note to self that I only got up to m. 16, will check the rest next time)

And the rest! Sorry it's split up.
- RH beat 1 chord in m. 18 should be flipped upwards
- Last chord in m. 24 is horizontally offset
- The C# in the chord in m. 25 beat 3.5 doesn't sound quite right to me. Would a B or D fit better?
- The chord in m. 26 beat 3.5 sounds pretty similar to the previous chord to me. Is there another voice you're writing in here that dips down?
- Not a huge deal, but I think I hear the LH chords in m. 27-28 as inverted downwards once

- The ties would probably look better bent back downwards at the end of m. 7 and 9

and 37

Lastly, the chords in m. 17-30 stray extremely far from the existing key signature. I think this section would be much nicer written in A major, as that's where it begins and ends, and all the chords it modulates to in between are within a couple of accidentals of an A major keysig.

[Libera]

Neat, changes look good! Except somehow the con pedale got super close to the beam in m. 1.

Seeing this what made me decide to not make any more changes last night haha.

- RH beat 1 chord in m. 18 should be flipped upwards

Sure, fixed.

- Last chord in m. 24 is horizontally offset

You meant 23, but also fixed.

- The C# in the chord in m. 25 beat 3.5 doesn't sound quite right to me. Would a B or D fit better?

The C# comes from the string line.  I'd like to keep it.

- The chord in m. 26 beat 3.5 sounds pretty similar to the previous chord to me. Is there another voice you're writing in here that dips down?

For some reason I processed this as the piano dipping down to the G# but no it stays on the C#.  I've rewritten it.  Thanks!

- Not a huge deal, but I think I hear the LH chords in m. 27-28 as inverted downwards onceand 37

Hmm I don't hear this really.  I quite like the height that the chords are at it here.

Lastly, the chords in m. 17-30 stray extremely far from the existing key signature. I think this section would be much nicer written in A major, as that's where it begins and ends, and all the chords it modulates to in between are within a couple of accidentals of an A major keysig.

Yeah I agree it is more readable in A.  I didn't want to do that because it doesn't really feel like it goes comfortably enough to A to warrant the key change and also the rest of the piece plays around with this Ab <-> A business.  Anyway, for readability I'll change it.

- It's a bit of an unusual thing to do in Finale that I think makes sense visually - I feel it'd be clearer to write the harmonies of m. 18 beat 2.75 as part of the upper layer instead, tying into the quarter note on beat 3 of the lower layer.

In line with this I also did something similar for 16.  I didn't for 14 because I felt like that already looks fine as it is. whereas 14 was a bit awkward.  I also flipped some more ties here and there.

Thanks for the feedback, files updated!

[Latios212]

Alrighty, thanks for the prompt updates! Changes look good and I don't have anything more to add based on your comments, so I'll approve~

[XiaoMigros]

Hmm I hear the suspension over the E# and I think getting the resolution and the mix of harmony is better achieved with the F# on beat 3.  I'd like to leave it as-is.

That makes sense, F# works for me

Likewise I have nothing new to add, so I'll accept!

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by XiaoMigros.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot