Woo! Many new readers! And constructive critisism! Thanks a lot! May I adress some of the things you said before I continue the story? I find your feedback very helpful.
First, what you said about the Pokémon being too formal. I have seen that too, but I found it a bit hard to cope with. You see, the Pokémon he's able to communicate with are all psychics. And I've always pictured those as being cold and calm, formal if you like, all the time. Metagross in particular looks and behaves quite seriously in canon, and I couldn't really make him any different here. Espeon as well, I tried making her a bit less "stiff", but again, she's a top trained Psychic type and not really very emotional. Also, they are used to Rob as a game character, compared to him, the real Rob knows very little about training, which the Pokémon see as a little helpless.
The other Pokémon can only speak a few words, this isn't really enough to describe their behaviour on. They are also a little limited in usability, partially because of this, so they don't get as much "screen-time" as the others.
See the Pokémon animé, for example. None of the main characters ever owned a Pokémon that was able to communicate with the humans. If any of them had one, if would completely overshadow the other Pokémon, or behave just like a human (Meowth). They managed it well with Lucario in the 8th movie, but in the long run, it would never work. The animé is dependant on the Pokémon not being able to communicate to make them interesting, but this story would have been hopeless to write without anyone to tell Rob what to do.
Then, the pacing/main problem. I have also seen this, but it's been kinda hard to come up with an antagonist. The Pokémon are strong and determined enough to take out any single person or secrecy leak quite easily, and a full leak would put the entire story to a turning point too early. And as for main problem, I hoped that the mass outbreak would do as main mission. For a while...
And as the entire story is told from Rob's point of view, it's hard to tell whether someone has found out or not...
And as for publicion (sp?), well, Pokémon are copyrighted, so I could never get it out in physical form without giving all the rights to Nintendo through an awefully complicated juridical process. And on fanfiction sites, there are lots of stories that are tens of times better than this, so this would be pretty average if I brought it to a story-dedicated place. I think it would be best if I kept it to NSM for now. Perhaps it will draw a few people here as well?
P.S.: Please tell me if you find any plot holes or similiar, dates not aligning, or contradicting statements. For example, I've found a few places where names are wrong, and am working to fix these. I guess getting the number of Pokémon right will be a pain later in the story, but other things may screw this up even worse, so I need your help to spot any mistakes before the story relies too heavily on them to be correct. Also, I have started writing this in Notepad, to have backup, but Notepad screws up line breaks big time. So if you see anything looking a bit awkward (line breaks in the middle of sentences, paragraphs split a sentence too early, etc.), tell me and I'll fix it. Contact me through PM or post it here.
P.P.S.: Is it OK if I reply to this topic from time to time without adding a new chapter? It's a bit easier that way, but it clogs up the topic more. Have your say!
Chapter thirteen: Red alert
Christmas Eve. That day when people without a family to celebrate with become painfully aware of just that. Both mom and dad were lone children, so was I. All my grandparents were dead as well, so it was just us three who sat in the living room eating the Christmas dinner. Again. It had started to become a tradition, but none of us really liked it, just being the three of us. But this year, we were all happy that I had woken up before Christmas, so the mood was a little lighter than normal.
As the carol CD mom had put on played over again for the third time, we all agreed that we had had enough food, and turned on the TV to see the usual Christmas programs. I might have seen it fifteen times already, but Dinner for One still made me crack up.
"Should I freeze the leftovers, or put them in the fridge for anyother day?", mom said from the kitchen.
"Fridge", I replied. When mom put something in the fridge "to have for dinner tomorrow", we usually found it covered in green fur six weeks later. Still, I didn't protest, as I had started bringing it down to the Pokémon. It wasn't a mouthful to everyone, but still better than whatever they ate inside the balls, and I felt that food should be my responsibility.
"I'll fix it tomorrow", I thought. Tonight was not a time to think about the Pokémon. We sat talking, watching TV and eating until around midnight, then, I went to sleep.
I found myself in a small, brightly lit chamber. It was featureless apart from a hatch in the ceiling, and a firmly locked door in the back wall, otherwise, most of the walls were a bright white. The chamber wasn't big, only two meters square, with one and a half meter under the ceiling. One of the walls was transparent like glass, but a lot harder and it hurt to touch it. On the other side of it, in a corridor filled with similiar cages, stood a man dressed in a black suit.
"A dream", I thought. "But a very lifelike one". Because of my previous experiences with dreams, I had read a bit on the subject and found out how to distinguish them from reality. In this case, I could move my arms, and I could feel my pillow if I concentrated hard enough, but nothing happened in the dream.
"Release me", a voice said. It was appearently I who spoke.
"Release you?", the man said, acting surprised. "Why? Your lot is the most interesting thing that has happened to our agency since... Tim, when did Bigfoot die again?" He turned away from the cage to hear the answer from someone out of sight, giving me a moment to rest and think. Agency. Of course, the man was the very stereotype of a Man In Black. Even the sunglasses and a gun in his belt.
"...since 1994. Now, tell me?"
"Release me", my voice repeated. "Release all of us. You will regret"
"The 'aliens' threatened with the same things in 1947", the man whispered. "They were from a highly developed race. But there were only three of them, and one was dead when we found them. Someone should have told the dreamer, saucers can't fly"
"I'm no alien"
"They weren't either. Like you, they were the result of someone's fantasy. And even if their civilisation had developed those powerful lasers... they had none with them"
"I don't need weapons", I said. The man started glowing blue, rising slightly from the floor. He reached for something in his pocket, and the entire dream started to flicker. He dropped down again.
"You don't like electricity, do you?", the man said, smiling. "Good"
"Who are you?", I asked.
"As if we're telling you that", the man snorted. "To you, we'll be your hosts for the rest of your life. To your dreamer... we're bad news"
"Dreamer?", I thought.
"That means you", a voice in my head said.
"Who are you?", I thought again. The image of the man disappeared, leaving me in complete darkness.
"At the moment, I'm your eyes and ears. I'm the one going through this. Right now"
"What kind of a workaholic works at this time of Christmas Eve?", I blurted out. Perhaps not the smartest question to ask, but it was the first thing I could think of.
"You may wonder. Something sounds fishy here. Him, and the entire agency, is kinda surreal"
"Who are you?", I repeated. "A Pokémon?"
"Correct", the voice said, clearer than before. I was now standing on a dark floor, surrounded by darkness in all directions. I could see my body as in bright daylight, but nothing illuminated the surroundings. And a few meters in front of me, something was floating in the air. This "something" could be described as a purple head wearing a wide-brimmed hat and a very torn dress. Actually, it was little else than a green or purple-ish hat with a head wearing it, and something that resembled a dress hung from the head. It had huge yellow eyes, a small mouth shaped like a W, and no nose. It was a bizarre, and quite eerie sight.
Mismagius.
"What happened?", I asked. "How did they catch you?"
"From behind, that's all I know", it said. "I was hiding in an abandoned building out in the forest, and suddenly, everything went black. Next thing I knew, I was in that cage"
"You're a ghost, can't you escape?"
"I suppose so", Mismagius replied. "But others are caught as well. I'll be of more use like this. I can tell you what's going on here, if only when you're dreaming"
"Others?"
"A few other Pokémon. No idea who. I can't get contact with them. But I know there's about a dozen of them"
I was in shock. It was hard enough to retrieve the Pokémon alone, but when someone else wanted them as well...
"I'll come get you. I promise. Keep me updated", I said.
"He has gone now", Mismagius said. "I couldn't get more out of him. I have nothing more to say now. Good night"
Everything went black.
The dream - or rather, vision - had really scared me, but next morning, I had other things to think about. It was Christmas Day after all. I rushed downstairs to find my presents. I got a few books from Matt and Andy, and a 50-kilogram sack of dry cat food from Edvard ("This was on sale. No idea what you may do with it, but you can join forces with Matt, Dave and Andy to find out. They have also gotten one. Because I'm like that", a letter taped to it wrote).
"Out of ninety Pokémon, at least one is bound to like this", I thought. Edvard hadn't bought me an as useless present as planned, then.
Mom and dad had bought me various clothes (too big), and a new mobile phone. And last, but certainly not least, the present from Emily. It was a rather large parcel, held together by strands of tape practically everywhere. The first thing I found when I opened the outer layer of paper, was a card saying: "That cave desperately needs a woman's touch". Smiling, I browsed through the rest of the items laying in a heap inside the wrapping: A series of framed photos, a large roll of duct tape, some cleaning eqipment, paint, and a small lamp. And at the bottom, a card with the text "We'll buy some more later, when I come over to help you". All in all a nice present, but I wondered what to tell mom I got from her. Now well, there was a time for every problem. Right now, I had something to tell someone.
"This place really needs expansion", was the first thing I managed to say. The cavern was chock-full of Pokémon, a few had to sit in the tunnels, the Eeveelutions were lying on the shelves, and I was sitting on the stool that I had had to put on the table to make room. Tyranitar, Aggron, Salamence and Metagross took most of the floor space, and the rest had to find room wherever it was.
"We know that", Espeon said. "This was the big announcement you had to make?"
"No", I said, then took a pause. "We've been discovered. Mismagius contacted me in my sleep tonight. About a dozen Pokémon have been caught by some unknown agency, and I don't think they have good intentions for us". There was a general noise of snarling and gasping from the crowd.
"Which means, we'll have to work quickly to find the rest of you before they do, and to find out as much as possible about them. There's no way I'm going to let the government take you away from me"
Everyone was silent, looking at me.
"Any questions?", I asked. Hitmonchan raised a gloved hand. "Yes?"
"Mon-mon-mon chan. Chan chan chan mon. Hit. Mon. Chan"
"Translate, someone", I sighed.
"He asks if you think they have discovered us here. If you have been marked, you may need bodyguards. And a good escape plan"
"I have thought about that. And I have no idea if they've found us or not. But my belt takes six Poké Balls, I have decided to keep a full team with me at all times. With a jacket on, no one will notice. And if they do..."
"Peeeeerrt", Swampert said.
"Who'll be with you?", Gardevoir translated.
"Depends on the situation. Someone who can fly, someone who can talk, a heavy fighter or two, and someone to deliver messages. Ideally"
"Taaarr", was Tyranitar's usual entry to the conversation. This time, it turned out to mean: "What about this place?"
"We need someone on guard, at all times. Given the amount of Dark types we have here, it shouldn't be a problem with an around-the-clock-system. We should also reinforce the entrances, but I guess that'll have to wait until we get hold of a good digger"
A low, humming tone. It was Umbreon.
"He asks about Emily", Gardevoir said. "Should we guard her as well?"
"I'll have to talk to her about it first", I said, noticing that the thought of the men in black abducting her made me shiver.
"But we have to act, and soon, if we want to be the ones getting to the Pokémon first. Who of you can travel undetected in broad daylight?" Umbreon and Sceptile raised a limb.
"Sceptile can search the forest, Umbreon can manage the sewer system", Espeon explained "Both are experts at traveling stealthly"
"Good, but I need you to travel in pairs. If one is detected, the other gets home. If you're convinced that you can take the fight, ambush", I said. "Beautifly, you go with Sceptile, Swampert, you pair up with Umbreon. Espeon and Gardevoir, have contact with them at all times. Do you all go well together?"
Nodding from the six I had adressed.
"Good. We'll start early mornings, and around dusk throughout the holiday. Short but intense periods, we need to avoid being out at the most crowded times, and you have to be back regulary, so that we know early if anything goes wrong. I'm sure we will find something. But not today. It's too late to start now, and I have other things to take care of this evening". I took a pause when I saw the disappointed looks of the search teams. I continued:
"So for now, it's hackertime. Metagross, find out everything you can about these folks. We know they have a physical HQ somewhere, and that they speak the language of this country. I've been told that telepathy adresses people's own speech center, so that the person being talked to always hear words in a language he knows. The guy replied to Mismagius in this language, so he's from here somewhere"
"Confirmed", Metagross said. "You've started to learn"
"Go through the government files first, start with the budget. They need contractors to supply materials for any evil lairs, and money to pay them, so check out for orders that seem suspiciously large for the scale of the assigned project. If you find any orders for a $1000 hammer, we've got them"
I had another look at the other Pokémon, who in turn stared back. Obviously, they hadn't much of a clue about what I was talking about. The air was starting to dense as well, so I took a pause to call them all back to their balls.
"And what if it isn't governmental?"
"Then start to look at architect companies. Someone has to draw the plans for an evil lair, or what? If that fails as well, money transactions. I'm sure you'll stumble across a lot of economic crime here, but keep looking anyways. Unless that artist who sings in the new candy commercial is involved, of course. Feel free to wreak havoc with him" Dang. Now that song would be on my mind for the rest of the week...
"I'll do my best", Metagross replied. "But it will take a lot of time"
"Take your time", I replied. "I may find out more tonight. But I have to go now. Breakfast"
"By the way", Metagross said behind me as I walked up the tunnel. "What are those 'other things you had to take care of' tonight?"
"Dinner with some of mom's friends", I said. "And they're boring as last week's 'What's on TV tonight'-magazine"
"Best of luck, then", Metagross chuckled.
"It's not like there's a lot to do down here either", I replied. Metagross shrugged.
"Unlimited Internet access, you know", he said. "I have plenty of entertainment thanks to your extensive piracy"
Laughing, with the image of Metagross searching PirateBay for movies in my head, I went upstairs to fulfill the rest of today's chores. Tomorrow, we would start being serious. Stereotypical secret agency or not, these guys had no idea about what was expecting them. And vice versa.
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Topic: Emergence (Final Update - 28.03.12) (Read 37528 times)