yo fank
Hey this is pretty good. Formatting and notation look great, though on the second page your probably better off keeping the systems the same length apart. There's no need to fill up the entire page, though it is just a personal preference because I'm not sure if NSM has rules on that or not.
You omitted a lot of voices, which is fine, but there's 2 important ones you should try to implement:
1. The whole note triads (?) throughout the whole piece. These are really important.
2. The parallel thirds/octaves (?) from starting measure 13 (oh yeh, add measure #s.) You can leave them out in the 16th note runs for playability.
Question marks because I didn't actually transcribe any of it so I don't know for sure.
