Jokes

[spitllama]

Yay anti-jokes

[Clanker37]

It was the end of term and the Year One teacher was receiving gifts from her students. The daughter of the florist brought her a box. The teacher shook it and pondered.
"Hmm," she said, "Is it some flowers?"
"Yes! How did you guess?" The girl asked excitedly.
"I'm just psychic," replied the teacher. Next the son of the chocolate shop brought her a gift. The teacher shook it and pondered.
"Is it some chocolate?" she asked.
"Yes! You're really good miss!" the boy replied.
"Just a lucky guess"
At last the son of the local tavern came with his gift. He was determined not to let the teacher guess what it was and had chosen well. The teacher shook it and pondered.
"Is it some wine?" she asked
"No," replied the boy. The teacher shook it again. At this point the box had sprung a leak.
"Champagne?"
"No" The boy was getting excited. The teacher drank the liquid and pondered some more.
"Is it some sort of spirits?"
"No!" The boy was bouncing with excitement. The teacher drank some more, but looked unsure.
"I give up. What is it?" she asked
"A puppie."

[Zunawe]

Awww. . . but the puppy. . . it was just a puppy. . .

[Cobraroll]

^Don't worry, it didn't die.

Temporarily lost bladder control, though...

[Zunawe]

Ooooh. . . I thought the teacher was mistaking the liquid for red wine.

[TheZeldaPianist275]

Ooooh. . . I thought the teacher was mistaking the liquid for red wine.

O_o

[Yugi]

A man walks into a bar.
He orders drinks and then goes out.

[SlowPokemon]

Ooooh. . . I thought the teacher was mistaking the liquid for red wine.

Omggggg me too XDDDDD I visibly cringed originally, now it's slightly less horrifying

[Zunawe]

A man walks into a bar.
He orders drinks and then goes out.

Anti-jokes are silly, but you have to balance them out with real jokes.

[spitllama]

Wait the puppy didn't die?

Thank goodness.

[Jub3r7]

A puppy isn't going to die from just shaking it around, you people are violent. 

[Zunawe]

I was misled because there was no mention of the color. Her first guess was wine, and the general picture for wine is red wine. It went on from there.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

[TheZeldaPianist275]

Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Those aren't jokes, they're hilarious truths XD
Why does CARgo travel by sea but SHIPment travel by land?

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Q: What does someone else call will.i.am?
A: you.are.will.

Q: What are three common things that prevent someone from eating a candy bar?
A: Their wallets, their scales, or the wrapper.

[Nebbles]

My friend said I met her at the vegetarian club, but I've never seen herbivore. /rimshot