News:

The monkeys are up to something...

Main Menu

Jokes

Started by SlowPokemon, November 30, 2010, 04:26:33 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

SuperFireKirby

But you said they lock the door, which wouldn't provide for very good ventilation of the harmful fumes given off by the paint. Am I over analyzing this? NOWAI.


Quote from: Mashi on March 26, 2013, 05:54:37 PMAfter viewing both FMA:Brotherhood and Naruto Shippuden, it would be frivolous to even consider watching an anime as unbearably mediocre as Melancholy. NARUTOxHINATA 4 LYFE!!!

Pit0010

Quote from: SlowPokemon on January 07, 2013, 06:44:54 AMA nun is in the shower when she hears the doorbell ring. She's home alone and runs to the door. "Who is it?" she calls anxiously. "The blind man," he answers.
"I'm sorry but I just got out the shower," she says, embarrassed. "I'm still naked."
"It's the blind man," he repeats, laughing. "Just let me in."
Reassured, she does so. He enters, looks her over, and says, "Nice tits, lady. Where do you want the blinds?"

BAHAHAHAH! XD I actually got a similar one to that. It goes

I woman was about to hop into a shower until she heard the doorbell ring. Of course she was home alone and runs to the door with a towel wrapped around her. She opens it and says, "how can I help you?"
The man says, "Hello madam, my eyesight is really poor and I am about to go blind. Could you donate some money for me and the other people in the world who are blind?"
Woman: 'I'm sorry but...I'm about to have a shower and have no change." (Trying to make excuses too shoo him away)
The woman shuts the door and goes back upstairs. When she was about to hop into the shower...she hears the doorbell ring again.

She quickly wraps a towel around her and rushes down to the door to meet the same guy again.
The man says, "Hello madam, my eyesight is really poor and I am about to go blind. Could you donate some money for me and the other people in the world who are blind?"
Woman: I'm sorry sir but like a said..I'm about to have a shower and have no change. Sorry again.
She shuts the door behind her and heads back up to her shower.

When she was about to hop into the shower...she hears yet again a doorbell. Without bothering to wrap a TOWEL around her, she walks down the stairs and opens the door to see the man there.
She leans on the side naked and says, 'What is it?'
The man says, 'Hello madam, please congratulate me...I have just got my eyesight back.'
Quote from: NocturneOfShadow on January 15, 2015, 07:20:41 PM
AUSSI
"Sorry to keep you waiting!'
~Pit, Kid Icarus Uprising ♥

Me youtube channel!: http://www.youtube.com/user/Pit0030

Saria

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish" "Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say


A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut !
Quote from: Slow
SARIABALL
Quote from: manio
I love taking wiener schnitzel in my mouth
Quote from: Kefka
cooperating anal
Quote from: ZeldaFanmy dream is to get a quote in someone's sig someday

Wolf

Why did the computer cross the road?

Because he wanted to go to the other site.
The no.1 Star Fox nerd in Ninsheetmusic

Waddle Bro

Quote from: wolf on January 15, 2013, 10:07:01 PMWhy did the computer cross the road?

Because he wanted to go to the other site.
I don't get it... Do you mean side because from the word site I only think of a construction site. :|

BlackDragonSlayer

Quote from: Waddle Bro on January 15, 2013, 10:52:11 PMI don't get it... Do you mean side because from the word site I only think of a construction site. :|
Site as in web site.
And the moral of the story: Quit while you're a head.

Fakemon Dex
NSM Sprite Thread
Compositions
Story Thread
The Dread Somber

Waddle Bro

Quote from: BlackDragonSlayer on January 15, 2013, 10:59:42 PMSite as in web site.
I know, but how does crossing the road relate to that?

Shadoninja

Quote from: Waddle Bro on January 15, 2013, 11:03:49 PMI know, but how does crossing the road relate to that?
It's a freaking joke not rocket surgery.
"And so my saga of quoting myself in everyone's signature continues" - dudeman

Waddle Bro

THERE IS NO SENSE IN THAT JOKE!!!

it's a bad joke because i don't get it

MaestroUGC

I got one:

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

Because F*ck You, you nosy piece of sh*t.
Try to do everything; you're bound to succeed with at least one.

Waddle Bro


SlowPokemon

Quote from: Waddle Bro on January 15, 2013, 11:15:18 PMTHERE IS NO SENSE IN THAT JOKE!!!

it's a bad joke because i don't get it

Computer. Web site.
Quote from: Tobbeh99 on April 21, 2016, 02:56:11 PM
Fuck logic, that shit is boring, lame and does not always support my opinions.

Waddle Bro

But crossing the road?

SlowPokemon

It's a parody of the joke "why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side."
Quote from: Tobbeh99 on April 21, 2016, 02:56:11 PM
Fuck logic, that shit is boring, lame and does not always support my opinions.

Waddle Bro