Oh, wow! It's hard to believe that it's been *sniff* almost twenty five reviews! I'm so proud of myself. So, so proud of myself.

Thanks for sticking around this long, everybody! To celebrate this, I'm going to be doing something epic. I mean EPIC. For the next couple of reviews, I will only be reviewing games released before the year 2000 (I mean, I do that a lot anyway, but for now, I'm going to be doing that intentionally)—that includes the good stuff, the bad stuff, and
everything in-between! So, to start, here's an old favorite of mine that, quite honestly, I'm surprised I haven't reviewed yet. Here goes!!!
Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis)
"One batch, two batch, penny and dime." - Frank Castle
Ahh, I love this old game. I love the soundtrack, I love the art style, I love the enemies, I love the locations, I love the box art (
just in case you haven't heard me talk about this already), I love... well, I think it's best I show you all the stuff in the game and why I love everything so much!
The best way I can describe this game simply is how I used to describe it many years ago: "Metroid, but more about the platforming and less about the exploration." In a way, I still think this is kind of like the Genesis's'is's equivalent of Super Metroid—even though this game was technically also released on another platform—and even though it has more notable flaws than Super Metroid, I still hold this game very dear to my heart. Now, what's interesting about this game is that it differs from other games in the franchise: while previous games of the series do have more exploratative elements to them, with levels that are usually more open in order to encourage explodation, Mega Turrican's levels tend to be more focused, with a specific path to follow, and only a few secrets along the way. In fact, the first area even has a secret level in it!* In addition, Mega Turrican replaces the previously-used beam whip with a grappling rope/hook/thingamajig.
*
Side Note: Secret levels do not appear in any other part of the game.Mega Turrican was released in 1994. However, the Amiga version of the game—Turrican 3: Payment Day—was released i-
Wait a minute.
Payment Day?
P-P-P-PAYMENT DAY!?!?
Turrican 4: The Machine Does His Taxes
You know what, I'm done talking about the game's background; you can probably read all that by yourselves if you really want to. Let's get to the real business.
The intro starts. The music plays. Story stuff.
Dude means business. He's going to be, like, the hardest boss ever, I swear. I mean, with a name like "THE MACHINE," you can't go wrong, right?
You play as Bren McGuire, who is a really ugly guy (
seriously, he's ugly). He swears FINAL REVERGE against THE MACHINE, because THE MACHINE kills everything. Like, seriously, how does this man expect to defeat a PLANET-DESTROYING MONSTER... BY HIMSELF!? I don't know, but if you're good enough, and have a Turrican Assault Suit, you can do anything, I guess. You're probably going to die a lot though!
You start the first level, and encounter robo-Goomba things that make adorable noises when you step on them. Talk about video games encouraging violence, sheesh! Next thing you know, kidsaregonna be steppin' on their dogs next!
I mean, it is a really adorable noise. *squish*
The game progresses through a variety of stages and settings. Interstingly enough, in the easiest setting, the game stops at the end of the second stage's boss (a water level). Talk about cruelty. Talk about earning yer keep. But it really is a worthwhile investment to play the game on a harder setting. While there's a big emphasis put on platforming in the game, there is also a very, very big emphasis on shooting. And fighting boss-a-ma-jigs. There are so many boss-a-ma-jigs.
*Right, Left, Down, Right, B* Who cares about water levels anyway?
There's so much in this game I could praise? Where should I start!? Oh where, o where! Most simply put:
THIS GAME.
IS.
AWESOME.
*melts from nostalgia*
Pros:
+ Turrican.
+ Mega. When you add "Mega" to stuff, it's always better!
+ Platforming and shooting.
+ Secrets! Aw yiss!
Cons:
- The final boss is literally easier than any other boss in the game.
- Why are old games so hard!?
Final Score: 9.6/10
Reviewer notes:
- NEXT REVIEW WILL BE POSTED WHEN REVIEWER REFORMS FROM NOSTALGIA MELT