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Author Topic: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!  (Read 27285 times)

BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #105 on: May 18, 2018, 12:20:04 AM »

For the next couple of reviews, I will only be reviewing games released before the year 2000
Well, looks like that's going to happen, like, never!

VG Rankings and Top 10s (2)

Or, "The Worst Sprites of Pokemon Generation 1"

Pokemon Generation 1 has some great, and even iconic, sprites. Blastoise from the original Japanese Red and Green, Scyther from Red and Blue, Gengar from Yellow, and Charizard's back sprite if you were that kind of kid. And yet, at the same time, some of these sprites are... well, really awful. Like, really, really horrendous. So today, we're counting down the Top 10 worst Gen 1 front sprites, with some that didn't quite make the cut thrown in for good measure. Here goes nothing!

#10

Pidgeot - Red/Blue

This sprite had me thinking for the longest time that Pidgeot was originally designed to have no neck—just one giant body and head. If that's not a testament to how bad it is, then I don't know what is!
[close]

#9

Exeggcute - Red/Blue

It's a quality sprite, except for the fact that someone decided, for whatever reason, to randomly make one of the eggs much larger than the others. Much, much larger. At least it's the one in the center.
[close]

#8

Golem - Red/Blue

When I first saw this sprite, it was because of the MissingNo. glitch messing up my Hall of Fame. I thought I had messed my game up really badly, because there's no way a sprite like this could be real. Now known to me as "Balloon Shell Golem."
[close]

#7

Ekans - Red/Green

no step on snek

except with a mouth like this you can't miss this snek

which looks like a generic nope rope instead of a pokemon

they could've at least put a stripe on it
[close]

#6

Marowak - Red/Blue

Its head is supposed to be a skull? It looks more like its face is made out of rubber. Or like an overstretched tendon or something. I don't really know what to call it; it looks weird with or without an insulting name, though.
[close]

#5

Chansey - Red/Blue

I would not let this thing get anywhere near me to try and heal me. Worst of all, I'd hate to see what it looks like when it's standing straight. Truly the stuff of nightmares. On the other hand, though, it kind of just looks like a balding old man.
[close]

#4

Tangela - Red/Blue

beware

the spaghet monster is going to get you

beware the spaghet
[close]

#3
/ /
Charizard, Dragonite, and Mew - Red/Green

For number three, it's actually a three-way tie between emaciated Charizard, emaciated Dragonite, and emaciated Mew! Because apparently one emaciated Pokemon isn't enough! wanna bet it was the same artist who did all of these
[close]

#2

Gengar - Red/Green

Or as I like to call it, overweight middle-age Gengar. It's not scary at all (unless you're married to it) and look like all it's missing is a wife beater and some oversized jean shorts. Or maybe not even the pants. I don't think this Gengar has much class at all.
[close]

Dishonorable Mentions

Metapod - Yellow
Aside from the fact that Metapod would probably be struggling to hold itself upright, it just looks like a weird shaped thing with a nose. This is such an awful perspective for Metapod. Dear Arceus.


Rattata - Yellow
Compared to Rattata's sprites from the other games, this one somehow manages to have less detail on it than the others. Just... how?!


Fearow - Red/Blue

While not a bad sprite in and of itself, it's nothing like how Fearow should actually look. Kind of makes you wonder if the art department had its stuff together at all.


Nidoran-F - Red/Blue

I don't know what they did to this Nidoran, but it's enough to make me want to speak out against animal testing. That face says it all.


Vulpix - Red/Green

Weird-lookin' eyes are a recurring theme here, as you'll quickly notice.


Jigglypuff - Red/Green
It's seen some things. Not good things.

/
Wigglytuff - Red/Green AND Red/Blue
When you see things for too long, you start to get a little... unwell in the head. Just look at those freaking eyes.

/
Golbat - Red/Green AND Red/Blue

Although I would personally consider Golbat's Red/Blue sprite something that's so bad it rolls over into iconic territory, Golbat's Red/Green sprite has no such saving grace. It's bad.


Mankey - Red/Blue

Devoid of any detail? Check. Looks almost nothing like its future incarnations? Check. Pulling... its own ears? Check...

/ /
Any of Machop's sprites; Yellow's looks the best though.


Tentacruel - Yellow
What's up with its eyes?


Gastly - Red/Green

Wanna bet how much effort this sprite took?


Kingler - Red/Blue
"Do you think they'll notice if we only do half the sprite?" - whoever made this sprite


Hitmonchan - Red/Green
Aah, the classic "Togekiss watching a Doduo take a dump" look. Never gets old.
[close]

#1

Mr. Mime - Red/Blue

Was there really any surprise here? Even today, Mr. Mime is ugly as sin; way back when, it was straight-up nightmare fuel. I don't even know what's wrong with its face. I admittedly feel more pity than fear because it is obviously living an unhappy life with whatever deformity it's been plagued with. I don't want this thing in a trade! Hell, I'll give you some extra 'mons just to make sure you keep this ugly devil as far away from me as possible. Urruggh.
[close]

So we're done. That's it. Go home. Or post below what Gen 1 sprites really drive you crazy because of their awfulness. Cheers.


Really, that's all for today.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2018, 12:24:30 AM by BlackDragonSlayer »
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Deku Trombonist

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #106 on: May 19, 2018, 02:41:23 AM »

That was a fun read, some of those sure were scrappy.

And I loved your characterization of Gengar. Poor guy!
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swimswamit

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #107 on: May 19, 2018, 03:20:08 AM »

the way you described hitmonchan's sprite was spot-on, can't unsee that now

BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #108 on: May 19, 2018, 06:21:31 AM »

That was a fun read, some of those sure were scrappy.

And I loved your characterization of Gengar. Poor guy!
Hahaha, thank you; glad you enjoyed! :P

the way you described hitmonchan's sprite was spot-on, can't unsee that now
Yep, that's actually a common joke on the internet. Lots of pictures depicting what it would actually look like with the respective Pokemon.
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E. Gadd Industries

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #109 on: May 20, 2018, 03:53:03 AM »


Discord reaction when

Also, that face you make when you’re hungry and smell your favorite food—and you’re about to eat it
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RichardMichel

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #110 on: September 04, 2018, 10:49:37 AM »

The only ones of those I've played are Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time. I'm sure I might get to those eventually.

Waiting to waste my time with your Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time reviews. By the way, your reviews are not silly.
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BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #111 on: September 05, 2018, 06:35:22 AM »

I'm glad that you joined the site to remind me about a four year old promise I made. :D

I probably should have done a review or two over the summer while I still had time, but I will promise to get one out by the end of November. Can't guarantee it will be either OoT or Super Mario 64, but it will be something.
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thehay95

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #112 on: September 19, 2018, 01:06:29 PM »

ep. Just juggling a few ideas around before I finish the review.

BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #113 on: November 24, 2018, 02:41:16 AM »

RollerCoaster Tycoon (PC)

"I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!" - Cave Johnson

RollerCoaster Tycoon is a game about building roller coasters. Well, it's a game about building amusement parks that kind of sort of features the option to build roller coasters. From the start, we've already got a bit of deception going on here, but I'll give them a pass.

Do'hohoho! This is such a happy, wholesome, feel-good game!

Having played Thrillville on PS2 in the past, I can say I have experience with what makes a good amusement park game or not, so I feel fairly qualified to review this game, having played it fairly extensively as well. The game starts out by presenting you with a list of scenarios you can play without much of an introduction or tutorial. Like a lot of older games, it falls into the trap of "presenting you with a lot of buttons without explaining what these buttons do," but fortunately the game isn't too complex and you should be able to figure out everything on your own.

Like I touched on just above, the principle point of the game is to build pre-set amusement park rides, a couple of which may include roller coasters. Most of them are pretty lame and just there because they're cheap to build and they attract customers. Depending on the scenario, most of the rides aren't available from the beginning, and you have to invest in R&D in order to unlock rides and stalls; even at maximum budget it takes a while to develop things. You'll be doing a lot of waiting in this game, which is kind of unfortunate, because I don't think there's any way to change the rate that time progresses, something that would really be helpful given how much this game involves sitting back and waiting for things to happen.

Oh, and sometimes your roller coasters can crash for no reason.

I... I... I take that... back.

Nothing to interrupt your nice, relaxing, mostly stress-free amusement park building game like people dying, am I right? It messes everything up, too.

Occasionally, there will be weather... or rain, I'm pretty sure it's just rain that's in the game... that pretty much just messes everything up and hopefully makes people buy your park's umbrellas.

I live life on the edge. I make my rides just barely safe enough to function. For the thrills.

See, they love me.

Quite ironically, building roller coaster in this game is awful and tedious. It costs so much money in-game that most of the times you'll only have one or two coasters or similar rides even in a park full of other rides (and as much as I'd like to have in-park transportation like monorails, they're expensive and unwieldy too); on top of that, even after you're doing building, there's a pretty good chance you'll make a ride that turns out to be way too intense for your pansy guests. As far as I can tell, there's nothing you can do to estimate the intensity ratings while you're in the middle of making the ride, and even if you make adjustments after you're done, there's a chance that you'll plummet the ride's rating to be way, way too low. There's no middle ground here. Either your coasters are super intense and nobody wants to ride them, or they're mild kiddie rides and you start feeling bad about yourself! When the title of the game specifically highlights roller coasters, you'd expect them to make things more accessible for people to actually build roller coasters without—or with very few, at least—limits!

This gets annoying real quick.

However, the scenarios in the game are pretty good. Some of them can get a bit intense or feel like things are out of control as to whether or not you'll complete the goal in time, but overall, they're fun. I think I'd like some of them to be a bit more vague with their guidelines and less restrictive, but overall, like I said, they're enjoyable. I still haven't finished all of them but there's not much to complain about the ones I have played.

Only wholesome thoughts here. S-see, look? Balloons? This isn't going to be a problem sometime later.

Pros:
+ I enjoy the "theme park management" genre. This is a fine example of the genre.
+ If you really engross yourself in the game you can have a lot of fun and find a lot of humor in the little things.

Cons:
- Building roller coasters is literally the worst part of the game.
- Unlike Thrillville, for example, there are no minigames or really any other part of the game—there's pretty much nothing else to do except build your theme park.
- "Your guests are complaining about all the litter" *looks around* *park is literally spotless* *hires more workers* *park rating goes down anyway*

Final Score: 7.2/10

Reviewer notes:
  • rip to all the virtual people who died because of roller coaster crashes, thus scaring me shitless every single time
  • Thrillville is better
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mikey

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #114 on: November 29, 2018, 07:08:09 AM »

Roller coaster tycoon is the bomb
If you put an ice cream stall right before the spinny rides you can make people throw up
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