Maestro Talks about Talkies

[MaestroUGC]

It is, doesn't make it any less squicky.

[Sebastian]

I loved Captain America: Winter Soldier.

[Dude]

I loved Captain America: Winter Soldier.

NEW TOPIC NAME: Maestro Talks about Talkies with Unnecessary Commentary by MLF

[Sebastian]

NEW TOPIC NAME: Maestro Talks about Talkies with Unnecessary Commentary by MLF

[MaestroUGC]

Sit tight, I'm working on something outrageous. Got to make sure to start this column right.

[mikey]

[MaestroUGC]

A preemptive post I want to make about spoiler discussions. I have a few simple rules that I'd like to be observed;

1) If the work I am talking about is tens years or older, it's past the point Statute of Spoiler Limitations. That means we can talk about it freely, with a few exceptions that I will highlight.
2) If the work is less than 10 years old, or is currently on-going, the please use discretion and spoiler tags.
3) If the work is less than a year old, I will refrain from discussing plot details in the actual review for as much as I can. Anything else will be in spoiler tags.
4) If the work I am talking about ran for 5 years or longer, then I would like for it to remain spoiler free as much as possible. Especially for later seasons.
5) No, I will not take suggestions on what to watch/review. Don't bother, I won't listen.

[MaestroUGC]

The first of what will be come a Guilty Pleasures series.

The year is 2005. American Pop Culture seems to be at an all-time ebb, with pop music churning out some of the worst pieces of music ever heard by man. Club music was on the rise, and hip-hop seemed to reign king. But suddenly, lo! From on high come down our savior; R. Kelly. And he had with him a tome that would stand the test of time and create a new form of expression: hip-hopera. On April 5, 2005, Robert Kelly would debut the first chapter of what is surely to be his magnum opus...

Trapped in the Closet
Part 1: Chapters 1-5
The Saga Begins

Overview
This is the pet project of R&B singer R. Kelly, who you may or may not remember from an unfortunate (but hilarious) skit from Chappelle's Show.  It's written, directed, produced, performed, and composed by R. Kelly himself. He sings every role, with different actors miming their characters to his vocals. Written in E Major, the entire production consists of one musical phrase repeated over and over, with varying nuances to how it's played throughout the entire saga. The entire thing plays out like a condensed soap opera, sop brace yourselves, I have some charts handy. It's ostensibly about a man who had a one night stand with a woman he met at a club, and the fallout he has to deal with because of it.

Chapter 1:
Trapped in the Closet
The story begins with Sylvester (played by R. Kelly himself), waking up in a strange room and comes to realize what he did last night. He cheated on his wife with someone he met at a club (keep this in mind, it's very important to the plot and an important theme throughout the whole work). He tries to leave before this mystery girl stops him, telling him her husband is coming up the stairs. The two decide to hide him in the closet, with no means of escape possible. The husband walks in, the two start getting it on, then Sylvester's phone rings. The Husband, justifiably suspicious, tries to figure out what's going on. He settles on the closet Sylvester's hiding in and opens it up...

Highlight:
(After exhausting all possible means of escape)
"Shit, think. Shit, think. Shit. Quick, put me in the closet."

Chapter 2:
Out of the Closet
The husband opens up the closet to see Sylvester pointing his Beretta (actually a Colt 1911) at him. The husband, visibly angry, almost attacks him, but restrains himself due to Sylvester being armed. The husband begins to berate his wife, but Sylvester tries to calm him down at gun point. Sylvester explains his situation, which prompts the husband to reveal he's a Pastor (name: Rufus). The woman tries apologizing while Sylvester tries to leave. The pastor stops him, "Not before I reveal my secret." He calls someone, who he refers to as baby, and directs them to turn around. Rufus is prepared to reveal his own infidelity, but Sylvester grows impatient and agitated, threatening to shoot them both. Then comes a knock on the door and Rufus opens it to reveal a man.

Highlight:
"There's a knock on the door, that does in my head. He opens the door, I can't believe it's a Man. Man. Man. Man.

Chapter 3:
The Start of the Web
The four stand in silence, Sylvester and the wife in total shock. Sylvester can't believe this man was the one Rufus was talking to on the phone. He promptly tries to leave, saying this is more than what he bargained for. The wife stops him, just so they can all understand how they got to the point. The wife and the Pastor start arguing about each other's infidelity. Sylvester breaks it up, and the boyfriend, Chuck, chimes in with his side of the story. Sylvester stops him when the details dig a bit too deep. Rufus reveals his wife's name is Cathy, not Mary like she told him. Melodrama ensues and Sylvester fires a shot into the ceiling. He gives up on the situation, calls home, and a man picks up the phone.

Highlight:
"He says 'Yes,' I says 'No.' He says 'Yes,' I says 'No.' He says 'It's the truth.'"

Chapter 4:
Coming Home
Sylvester races home, his heading burning with everything he just went through and how he's about to go through it all on the other side of the coin. He's quickly pulled over for "doing 60 in a 40 mile zone." The cop gives him a ticket and sends Sylvester on his way, and he does "55 all the way home." He breaks into his own home, and surprises her in the shower. He asks who picked up the phone, and she implies her brother Twan, who's out of prison today, answered it. Sylvester apologizes and the two start to get it on. Gwen gets a bit too wild for him and he throws her off. He flips back the cover to reveal a used condom she tried to hide.

Highlight:
"And then I look in my rear-view, I cannot believe this. Woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo, damn. Here comes a policeman.

Chapter 5:
What Goes Around Comes Around
*Note: This is the only chapter in the entire thing that is censored for language. Xaoz is a stupid head. It is hilarious at how it's done, normally R. Kelly would just not say the word as a self-censor, instead he actually beeps himself over the offending word. Brilliant.*

Sylvester, shocked, begins berating his wife at this transgression. He smells cigarettes and suspects that someone is still here. He continues to go off, but then Gwen points out that she knows about Sylvester's own infidelity, having caught him at the club with another woman. The two go back and forth for a bit, but then Sylvester demands his name. She starts to explain how the two came to meet. She asks if he knows some girls named Roxanne and Tina, and then goes on to mention two guys named Chuck and Rufus. Gwen continues, explain that Rufus' wife Cathy and her both went to the same high school and Cathy introduces her to the same police that stopped Sylvester.

Highlights:
"I said 'No need to, just give me his name.' And then she says 'Uh, uh.' I say 'Uh, what?' She says 'Please sit down in the chair." And I say 'No, I'm standing up.'"
"Then she say 'Roxanne is a friend of mine who knew this guy named Chuck. Chuck's cool with this guy named Rufus,' and I'm sitting there like 'What the fuck.'"

Summary thus far:
Who's sleeping with whom:
Mystery Cop <->  Gwendolyn <-> Sylvester <-> Cathy <-> Rufus <-> Chuck

This is the first five chapters, that which released all at once with R. Kelly's album, TP.3 Reloaded, which left the story seemingly on a cliffhanger. R Kelly would follow these up with another 7 Chapters 5 months later, and we'll take a look at those next time. As you can probably tell, this isn't exactly high art here. It is what I like to call, Stupid but Brilliant. These first five chapters squeezed more melodrama into 18 minutes than entire on-going soap operas have in their entire run. And this is only the tip of the ice berg. I can't stop you all from watching the rest of it, but please no spoilers until I actually cover it. Seriously, this shit gets wild; and for maybe the one of you out there who's actually witnessed it, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Hang on to your Berettas, it's about to get turnt up in here!

[MaestroUGC]

The first 5 parts of this great story was released in April 2005, and R. Kelly wasted no time continuing his magnum opus and followed it up with another 7 chapters, released in November that same year.

Trapped in the Closet
Part 2: Chapters 6-12
Web of Lies

Re-cap
When we last off Sylvester, our protagonist, having just escaped from some drama after being caught in the middle of a one-night stand with a Pastor's wife who he himself had been cheating on with his Deacon. He would come home to discover had cheated on him with a police man who had just ticketed him on his way home.

Chapter 6:
Gun Safety
So Sylvester, having just learned the identity of his wife's partner, breaks out into laughter and the two seem to be at ease with the whole situation. Meanwhile the police officer turns around, fearing for Gwen's safety, all the while Sylvester is telling her about everything he'd been through. The o sees the door was busted in, pulls out his gun, and bursts in on Sylvester and Gwen. Sylvester starts arguing with the cop and pulls his gun out. Gwen tries to calm James, the officer, and Sylvester puts his gun down. James then winks at Sylvester and the two start to wrestle for his gun and then all of a sudden, "pow."

Highlight:
"'I got a hangover, trapped in the closet, slept with who knows, threatened to kill a pastor.' She says, 'What?' 'Baby, this is no lie, he had a lover turned out to be a gay guy.' She says, 'Damn. You've been through a lot of shit.' 'Plus I got a ticket.'"

Chapter 7:
Blood Everywhere
The three of them stand around in shock, pointing the blame at each other. Gwen points out that they shot her brother Twan, who just got out of prison. The three of them argue for a bit before Twan wakes up. The bullet just hit his arm, so Twan patches himself up in the bathroom. Shortly thereafter, there's a knock on the door. Sylvester is hesitant to answer it, but after James taunts him he grabs his Beretta and the four of them open the door to reveal their neighbor, Rosie, wielding a deadly spatula.

Highlight:
"With a spatula in her hand. Spatula. Like that's going to do something against them guns. It's Rosie the Nosy Neighbor."

Chapter 8:
Once more on the Merry-Go-Round
James, exasperated, gets in his car and heads home. He calls his wife to let her know, as she's been concerned with his extended absence, and she promises pie on his arrival, his favorite, cherry. Meanwhile, Sylvester and co are talking to Rosie. James pulls in the garage home, and his wife, Bridgette, rushes him and tells him she was in the restroom. Noticeably jittery, James suspects something's up, but ignores it so he can heat up some food. She tries to divert him upstairs, but he's intent on eating his food; she begins pacing and growing even more nervous, which begins to agitate James. He begins to suspect that she's been cheating on him, but little does he know there's still somebody right there in his home. It's also at this point where we see the Narrator for the first time, played by R. Kelly, and is generally just a way to connect each of the chapters to each other while being removed form the story.

Highlight:
"Then she said, 'Sweetheart, maybe it's that time of the month?' And he said, ''Maybe?'' ''Maybe that time of the month?'' And she said, 'You know what I mean.' He said, "I know what came out your mouth.'"

Chapter 9:
Small Surprise
James starts to look around the kitchen, feeling something isn't right because Bridgette keeps trying to get him out of there. He notes that she's been suspicious since he got home, and threaten her when something falls in the kitchen. She tries again to divert him upstairs, and he starts to search the kitchen. He soon notices that there's a pie piece missing, and he realizes that Bridgette is allergic to cherries. He then demands that Bridgette move away from the sink cabinet when it is revealed, well...

Highlights:
And then he says, 'Move.' She says, 'No.' He says, 'Move.' She says, 'No.' 'Bitch move!' She moves." And then he looks at the cabinet. He walks up to the cabinet. Get close to the cabinet. Now he's opening the cabinet. Now pause the movie, cause what I'm about to say to y'all is so damn twisted. Not only is there a man in this cabinet, but the man is a midget. Midget. Midget. Midget.

Chapter 10:
Just, uh...
The midget jumps out and attacks James, who quickly charges after the guy and proceed to beat him down. Bridgette runs upstairs and calls a number she got from her husband's pocket. Turns out she called Gwen who was relaxing with her family after all of that chaos. Bridgette asks her for help, and she promptly sends Twan and Sylvester to deal with the current fight. Meanwhile, James threatens the midget at gunpoint, who insists that he can't reveal how or why he's there, while, er, defecating on himself. Bridgette comes back down with a shot gun and threatens to shoot James to protect the midget. The midget pulls out and inhaler, the other two are still pointing guns at each other, and suddenly Sylvester and Twan break in, demanding they both put the guns down.

Highlight:
"While Twan and Sylvester are sniffing around, trying to figure out what's that smell—as they turn and look at each other like, 'What the hell?'"

Chapter 11:
Mediating
The Midget comes to and Sylvester demands an explanation for, well, everything. He recognizes the midget but ignores it to deal with the situation at hand. Bridgette and James threaten each other to put their guns down. Sylvester suggests they do it at the same time, to which they both reply with a flat no. The five of them stand around, trying to diffuse the situation. Bridgette promises to drop her gun if James promises not to hurt Big Man, the midget. Turns out the name refers to his...anatomy, rather than his height. Sylvester gets frustrated, whishing he never went to the club in the first place, and Big Man tells him he's been there before. James breaks them up, calling them Chuck and Rufus, which sets Sylvester off. He demands to know how James knows Chuck and Rufus, while Bridgette throws up in the sink. James reveals she's three months pregnant, and Big Man explains how he and Bridgette met. Bridgette, upset by everything that James did behind her back, and reveals that Big Man is actually the father of her baby. Everyone is in shock, and Sylvester and Twan just leave, giving up on the situation.

Highlight:
"The midget faints again, while Twan and Sylvester is tripping. The midget's the baby's daddy. Woo!"

Chapter 12:
Meanwhile
The Story returns the Cathy's house, while the three of them are getting up from the floor. They continue to argue, when Cathy and Chuck nearly break out into a full on cat fight when she accused Chuck of possibly giving her an STD from him and Rufus sneaking around.. My god, it's just, wow. While they're all fighting, the phone rings and they ignore it. Rufus tries to argue to reason, saying that this can't get out to the news. The three stand and glare at each other when the phone rings again. Cathy answers it and it's Gwen on the other line. Gwen begins to tell her story, and reveals that she saw Sylvester at the club with some woman in a wig. Cathy, realizing that the woman was actually her, tries to interrupt her repeatedly; all while Chuck and Rufus are getting impatient. Cathy yells at Gwen ,and tells her that the woman Sylvester was with was actually her.

Highlight:
"He says, 'Rufus, she don't know me, I will cut this bitch right now.' 'Come on and try it, motherfucker.' 'Fuck you, ho!' 'I swear to God just try it.' 'Let me at her!' 'Come on, bitch!' 'Skank!' 'Just try it, motherfucker.' 'Rufus, let me at her.' 'I swear to God, try it. Come on.' 'Try it.' 'Bitch!' 'Come on!' 'Calm the fuck down!'

Summary thus far:
Who's sleepingwith whom

Spoiler

Sylvester ↔ Cathy
↓↑  ↓↑
Gwendolyn    Rufus
  ↓↑     Twan     ↓↑
James          Chuck
  ↓↑   
Bridget ↔ Big Man

[close]

Chapter 12 ends with everything coming full circle, with everybody knowing just about everything. The credits for the DVD, which featured the first 12 chapters of the story, ha our narrator telling us "not to forget about Roxanne and Tina." A few years passed and it seemed that this would be it for Trapped in the Closet, but then how prophet descended from above, two years later, with the next part of our modern-day Gilgamesh. And we'll take a look at those next time, so don a suit and buckle in, cause this is only the tip of the iceberg.

[MaestroUGC]

Chapters 1-12 wrapped up in November of 2005 and R. Kelly promised the world he would continue the saga. Time goes by, we're all here waiting. Time goes by, we're still here waiting. Time goes by, we're all getting tired of waiting. And then in 2007

Trapped in the Closet
Part 3: Chapters 13-22
A Whole Lot of Shit Goes Down

Re-cap
Come and take a walk with me, through the streets of Chi-town. Lets look back, and reminisce on all of the shit that went down. Pastor Rufus Longs comes homes to finds his wife's been sleeping around with Sylvester. (Oh shit.) Sylvester cell phone rings he comes out the closet pointing his Beretta. (Oh shit.) Then they go through this thing arguing, fussing then time goes by. And then Cathy finds out about Rufus lover Chuck, the gay guy. (Oh shit.) And then Sylvester calls home. Never knowing that a man would answer his phone. (Oh shit.) And then he got to his house bust up in it, to find his wife Gwendolyn, she was fucking around with this sausage head ass police man. Then and the they got into a fight. (Oh shit.) Wrestling over a gun. (Oh shit.) And Gwen screaming stop, next thing you know they shot her brother Twan. (Oh shit.) Just a lick. He was barely hurt. Now here comes Rose the nosy neighbor. She thinks she's the neighborhood savior. And things got real twisted. (Oh shit.) Police got home in his kitchen. (Oh shit.) To find his wife Bridget. (Oh shit.) Is pregnant by this midget. Well so far that's how the story goes. And now it's time to continue on. So get ready. Here's chapter 13.

Chapter 13:
The Story Goes On
Twan and Sylvester get in the car so Sylvester can take care of some business. Twan tries to light a doobie, but Sylvester has him throw it out saying he can't go back in the pen. Twan says he only went in because of Roxanne and Tina, whom Sylvester remembers Gwen mentioning and asks to know more about the story. Meanwhile, back with Rosie and her husband Randolph are in bed and the two are arguing. Randolph is trying to get Rosie to stop spying on her neighbors, but gives up after a while and the scene cuts back to Sylvester and Twan. Sylvester is telling Twan that he needs to collect some money from someone and has Twan wait in the car. Sylvester is sitting in the restaurant waiting for his mystery guest.

Highlight:
"'I'm a grown ass woman I can do what ever the hell I want to.' '.Yeah!? Yeah!? ...Well do it then.' 'I'm gonna do it then.' 'Do it then.' 'I'm gonna do it then.' 'Go on look.' 'I'm gonna look.' 'And I hope a pigeon fly by here and shit on your face.' *Gasp* 'Oh lord forgive me for what I just said. (This woman got some shit going on.)' 'If it do? If it do... Then I'm gonna wipe the shit on you!"

Chapter 14:
My Dinner with Sylvester
After an hour of waiting a woman pulls up to the diner, walks in, and sits down with Sylvester. She removes her glasses to reveal Cathy, in yet another wig. She yells at Sylvester, "What the hell happened?" He gets her to calm down, citing that he had know way of knowing her husband was gay. They apparently had a plan that the two of them were supposed to get caught, but it all backfired because they had no idea who each other was and their web of liaisons exploded on them because of it. The waitress comes by to take their order, Sylvester notes the he recognizers her, but doesn't give it any deeper thought. Gwen strats to break down, Sylvester calms her down again and has her begin explaining why she wanted all this in the first place. Meanwhile outside at Sylvester's car, Twan gets a call from a friend (only shown by a close up of his mouth) about Tina, telling him Tina had stopped being a prostitute and was working at a "legit" place. He later tells Twan that Tina was working at the same restaurant as Sylvester with Cathy. Back at the restaurant, Sylvester notices the waitress but can't think from where, until he sees her name tag which says "Tina". Sylvester then says he wants to talk to her but she gets scared and calls for her friend/co-worker Roxanne, who runs out with a frying pan. After Tina breaks a beer bottle and makes karate-styled moves saying to Sylvester that she and Roxanne take Tae Bo, Cathy. Just as Tina and Roxanne are about to attack, Twan comes busting through the door threatening them.

Highlight:
"Tina start walking around Sylvester real slow saying, 'We take Tae Bo classes.' Then twan runs up in the place and says, 'I will kill both y'all knuckle head asses. Asses. Asses. Asses.

Chapter 15:
Laverne and Shirley
After Twan bursts in he and the two girls start fighting and arguing and Sylvester steps in and pulls Twan aside. Sylvester warns him to not do anything rash, he's still on house arrest and the next time he goes in it's likely to be for life. Twan walks back over to the ladies, apologizes for his behavior, then goes right back to arguing. Sylvester stops him again, saying that he has no plans on going back to prison for him or anybody else. He then tells Twan he'll handle this himself, pulls out his Beretta, and proceeds to mediate the three of them. Tina and Roxanne explain that they were on a "simple operation" describing a "trip" to Atlanta. Roxanne tells Sylvester that a high Twan was swerving on the road and cutting up on the both of them, even turning his music loud playing "Mary Jane" and screaming "I'm Rick James, bitch!" Tina explains that as soon as that happened, they heard not only police squad cars but also a helicopter. Sylvester, still cool headed, simply notes that it's no surprise that Twan got caught in the first place. Twan's car breaks down and all three are eventually arrested. In the interrogation room, the police tell the women that Twan blamed the drug deal on them in order to save his own skin. It is then when Roxanne tells Twan she turned him in. Roxanne says Tina protected him because Tina was pregnant with Twan's baby at the time.

Highlight:
"Sylvester says, 'Calm down T." He says, 'Fuck that. I just did three years for these hoes.' Roxanne said, 'Who you calling a hoe?' He says, 'You, bitch.' She lost control and said, 'Motherfucker, I'll kill your ass.' 'Stop.' 'Wait a minute.' ''Lets talk about it.' 'Before somebody gets hurt , T.' 'Stop.' 'Wait a minute, n****, think about it.' 'Three years this time it be worse.' 'Come on motherfucker.' 'Damn right.' 'Jump n****.' 'You better tell him.' 'What, with a skillet?' 'Bitch I will.' 'Man.' 'Fuck that.' 'Three years.'

Chapter 16:
Settling Down
Sylvester, stunned at first at the news of Tina having Twan's child, congratulates Twan on the news but Twan is not convinced, accusing Tina of lying to him. This makes Tina's eye twitch, which had started when Sylvester had first approached her near the end of chapter 14. When Sylvester asks Roxanne about it, Roxanne explains a pimp had hit Tina in the eye a year ago and that she's had bad nerves ever since. Twan then pulls Sylvester to the side and begins wondering if he is really the father of Tina's child. Sylvester convinces him that a child would calm him down. When Twan tells Tina that he wants to make this work, Roxanne kisses Tina and reveals they are lovers.

Highlight:
"'A family man me? Man, I'm too deep in these streets." Sylvester says, 'Man that's exactly my point this shit will settle you down, you need to get up off of that bull shit and go holla' at that girl right now.' Roxanne looking crazy, I'm like, 'Go.' Twan says 'Sylvester, man." I'm like, 'Go.' Then Roxanne moves closer to Tina. Twan gives me five and says, 'Fuck it, yo.'"

Chapter 17:
EXUNT
Sylvester, aghast, leaves and pulls Twan with him. That's it.

Highlight:
"'Give me my motherfucking coat!'"

Chapter 18:
Staticin'
Back in the car, Sylvester teases Twan about the recent revelation. Sylvester then gets a call from Gwen, and after a few moments of static, she tells him of some recent drama dealing with his parents, O'Dell and Myrna. The scene then shifts to Rufus' church where he is leading the worship song, "Jesus Will Work It Out", with Reverend Mosley James Evans and the Peace Within Choir. When the song reaches a climax, Rufus gets a phone call and excuses himself to his office. It's Chuck, who's crying and upset over not seeing Rufus since the incident in the earlier chapters. Rufus and Chuck argue when Cathy walks in Rufus' office. When Cathy asks Rufus who was on the phone, Chuck, who can be heard accidentally on speaker phone, cries out for Rufus, which angers Cathy and the two argue before Rufus sends Cathy out to deal with the situation. Rufus then tries to let Chuck come see him so they can talk but Chuck refuses. Rufus then tells Chuck that he wants to stay married because he loves his wife and is a Pastor as the reason he doesn't want to see Chuck anymore. This angers Chuck, who threatens to reveal their relationship. When Rufus again tries to get Chuck to come see him, Chuck reveals he is recovering at a hospital.

Highlights:
"'Hello.' Staticing. 'Gwendolyn?' Phone is staticing. 'Baby we're getting a bad connection.' The phone still staticing then Gwen says, 'Can you hear me now?' 'No.' 'Can you hear me now?' 'Baby.' 'Can you hear me now?' 'Ok, I got you.' 'Good.'
The entire gospel section is actually well done, like, non ironically.

Chapter 19:
That's PIMP Lucius
Meanwhile, Reverend Mosley James Evans and the Peace Within Choir attempt to persuade Pimp Lucius, a pimp with a severe stuttering problem, to stop pimping and to turn his life around. As the choir sings "you can do it Pimp Lucius," Lucius pretends to accept the offer and leaves the church. However, he then tells his pimping partner, Bishop Craig, that he is never going to stop Pimping. Pimping is for life. They then leave the church.

Highlight:
"'SHH! Shh, Shh, Shh. Now just SHHH!.' Then Pimp Lucius says, 'I, I, I ain't ever gone stop p-p-p-p-p- pimping. P-p-p- Pimping's for life, I'm just here with a c-c-c- cousin. Church! church! Now the only thing the pimp done caught up in here is the ho--ly ghost. Now come on Bishop Craig lets go get this mm- mm- money. Come on. Sh**-oops!'

Chapter 20:
He Got the Package!
This chapter shows Rosie the Nosy Neighbor's house where Rosie is seen in her chair reading the Bible when her husband Randolph comes in shouting, "he's got the package!" to Rosie. Unwilling to listen to reason, when Randolph tells her he has news on the pastor (Rufus), she demands to know what was going on with him. After some bickering, Randolph tells Rosie the story: while working as a janitor for the church, Randolph hears Rufus coming into the office. Randolph hid in the closet and unintentionally overheard the conversation seen in chapter eighteen among Chuck, Rufus and Cathy. After relaying the story, Rosie asks Randolph why he had said the pastor had "the package", Randolph says that Chuck told him he was at the hospital. Rosie immediately decides to inform the masses, grabs her phone book and gets to work, despite Randolph's protests. The chapter ends with Randolph sitting on the couch, falling asleep.

Highlights:
"'Pastor say, 'Chuck, lets meet at our spot the holiday inn.'' 'And then?' 'That's when-' 'When what?' 'Oh, took another shot of that gin.' 'Oo, Randolph this is getting good!'"
"'He got the package!' 'Didn't I tell you?' 'He got the package, Randolph you were right!' 'Next time you listen to me when I'm trying to tell your as something.' 'Oh my God! Where's my phone book?' 'What do you need a phone book for?' 'Lord have mercy!' 'Now don't go telling everybody around town, Rosie!' 'Whoa, got the package!' 'With your big mouth ass. Shit. Should've never told her shit. (Randolph takes a swig of his gin.) 'Oo, whew. Gin. Sleepy.' (Randolph falls asleep.)

Chapter 21:
Business as Usual
Sylvester, having just changed, prepares Twan for their meeting an Italian mobster. Almost immediately upon walking in the room, Twan puts his foot in his mouth that results in Sylvester and Twan getting kicked out. Sylvester tells Twan, Mr. LL Fool J as Joey puts it,  to wait outside while he handles the business. As Twan leaves the room, he remarks, "I'll be listening from the outside." Joey replies, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Mama said knock you out, fuck outta here." Sylvester and Joey get down to business. While waiting outside, Twan has a nightmare of Sylvester and him in the same situation, being pointed at with guns. In the end, Sylvester wakes Twan up, then Joey and Sylvester say their goodbyes, and Joey asks Sylvester to tell Gwendolyn he says hello, as their deal is sealed.

Highlights:
"Twan turns the chair around and sits down, puts his arm up and says, 'Asshole.' 'Security looks at Twan like he's going to shoot him, Twan yells out, 'Arm wrestle!'"
"And then the strangest thing happens. They start moving in on him, they're getting closer and closer and closer. They start moving in on him, they're getting closer and closer and closer. They start moving in on him, they're getting closer and closer and closer. They start moving in on him. 'I'm gonna shoot me a motherfucker today! I'm gonna shoot me a motherfucker today!'"

Chapter 22:
And Now the Rumor
The scene opens to O'Dale and Myrna's voicemail and eventually fades into the middle of the voicemail box where the narrator says, "and now the rumor." A convoluted sequence of phone calls between everybody in the story up to this point unfolds as everybody starts become alerted to this "Package". Because Chuck has it, it has possibly been passed to Rufus, to his wife Cathy, to Sylvester, and to Gwendolyn. In addition, Bridget realizes that James knows both Chuck and Rufus, though he tried to hide it from her earlier, suggesting he may be on the "down-low" with Chuck as well. Gwendolyn also cheated on Sylvester with James. However, she used a condom as revealed in Chapter 4. This would put Bridget, Big Man, and James at serious risk. Lastly, Pimp Lucius gets a similar concerned call from an unidentified woman (who may have gotten "The Package" from Big Man, and subsequently passed it to Pimp Lucius).

Highlight:
The whole chapter is a rather masterful example of the art of overlaying melodies. With each conversation, the final line in each lingers and repeats, creating a rich background texture that grow with each phone call. It comes to it's high point by the end, naturally, with:
"'Yeah, Bishop Craig, I tell a hoe like this, I don't need you, bitch, I'll let the welfare feed you. You understand what I'm s-s-s- saying? Hold on, Pimp got a f-f-f-f-f phone c-c-c- call. Hello. Hey bitch. Who, when and where got what?! The p-p-p- package?
P-p-p- package.
Listen to me.
Get off the line.
It's hard to explain.
What the fuck.

Summary thus far:
Who's sleeping/otherwise related to whom:

Spoiler

[close]

Oh shit. A whole lot of shit just went down. What's the package? Who's got it? Where's this crazy-ass story headed? Needless to say, as far as cliffhangers go this is truly up there with the like of "Who Shot J.R." and the ending to Inception. The plot twists are enough to make M. Night Shyamalan blush. But, it would appear that this story would never see a satisfying conclusion as years have passed and it would seem that R. Kelly has moved on to other projects. But my god what a ride. R. Kelly promised that Trapped in the Closet would never die, but alas, time as a way of undoing best laid plans.

Oh well. This was still one hell of a ride, and who knows, maybe we'll get another part of this epic saga in the future.

[SuperFireKirby]

Maestro, my good man, the saga does not end there!

http://www.ifc.com/trapped-in-the-closet/videos/trapped-in-the-closet-chapter-23

[mikey]

Lol the end of inception though

[MaestroUGC]

Maestro, my good man, the saga does not end there!

http://www.ifc.com/trapped-in-the-closet/videos/trapped-in-the-closet-chapter-23

Way to ruin it, I was going for a whole time-lapse thing with these reviews.